Book Review: Night Swim by Jessica Keener

Title: Night Swim
Author: Jessica Keener
Published: 2012
Rating: 3 of 5 stars

Review from Goodreads: Sixteen-year-old Sarah Kunitz lives in a posh, suburban world of 1970 Boston. From the outside, her parents’ lifestyle appears enviable – a world defined by cocktail parties, expensive cars, and live-in maids to care for their children – but inside their five-bedroom house, all is not well for the Kunitz family. Coming home from school, Sarah finds her well-dressed, pill-popping mother lying disheveled on their living room couch. At night, to escape their parents’ arguments, Sarah and her oldest brother, Peter, find solace in music, while her two younger brothers retreat to their rooms and imaginary lives. Any vestige of decorum and stability drains away when their mother dies in a car crash one terrible winter day. Soon after, their father, a self-absorbed, bombastic professor begins an affair with a younger colleague. Sarah, aggrieved, dives into two summer romances that lead to unforeseen consequences. In a story that will make you laugh and cry, Night Swim shows how a family, bound by heartache, learns to love again.

My review:

This book started off really slow for me. It took me a while to really dig into the book and feel the flow of Keener’s writing. It felt very disconnected at the start and I didn’t feel like I understood who Sarah was.

But then Sarah’s mother died. And then the story really picked up. This is when the dysfunctional family fell apart. When Sarah started making some really bad decisions that I didn’t quite agree with. When her big brother left home to pursue a music career, when her father began dating someone much younger than him, and when Sarah begins to experience with life itself. I felt that this was the moment I could finally feel her character and who she was.

This wasn’t a fluffy, silly novel. Keener hit readers hard with issues of sex, drugs, and death and how all three affects you, no matter your age. It’s about a girl who has had her entire world turned upside down and is scrambling to figure out where she fits in the mess that remains. The cover of the book itself was stunning and the writing began to tug at my soul as I became more entrenched in Sarah’s life and the decisions she was making.

Ultimately, it was a book with hard themes that were a little difficult to read about at times but a book with raw and honest writing. While it had a clean, albeit predictable ending, it also felt very honest and I ended the book with a tiny smile on my face, knowing Sarah and the Kunitz family were going to be all right.

And the author has also generously agreed to give away one copy of the book to one of my readers! Leave a comment on this post to be entered in the giveaway. Giveaway ends Wednesday, February 1 at midnight and I’ll announce the winner on Thursday.

I received this book for free from TLC Book Tours in exchange for an honest review. All words and opinions, unless otherwise stated, are my own.

Weekly Weigh-In {3}

This week was mentally tough. I had many, many thoughts of simply skipping my weigh-in. I’ve been on plan for less than 2 weeks and I’m already contemplating these things.

The funny thing is, I was doing great with my eating and exercise. I was in control, I was counting, and I was kicking my soda habit in the face. Yet, a single whisper of skipping weigh-in and letting myself cheat until the new week started kept grabbing hold of my mind and hanging on. At first, thinking about it made me happy. I could eat what I wanted! I could gorge! Woo! And then? Then the guilt set in. The disappointment. The beating myself up. And I realized that staying on plan makes me happier in the long run than cheating.

Not a new concept. But in the past, I could usually shove the guilt part aside and focus on the happy part of my brain. Now, I couldn’t get the fact that this was not how I wanted my mind to think anymore. I didn’t want to focus on “being good until weigh-in day”. I wanted to focus on being healthy just because. I had to keep telling myself, over and over again: “This is not about weigh-in day. This is about a healthy lifestyle.”

And I did it. Even though I didn’t track from Sunday – Wednesday, I still remained on plan. I ate healthy, didn’t overindulge, and kept up my exercise routine. For me, it’s a big step in acknowledging this is my new life. It’s not my life for this week. It’s not my life until I get to my goal weight. It’s my life forever. Some people can’t look that far into the future. They have to just focus one day at a time. For me, I think it’s because I’ve been doing it for so long and making up so many excuses that I have to put my focus not just on the here and now, but also how I want to feel when I go on my cruise in May. By the end of 2012. Five years from now.

I don’t want to still be struggling with my weight five years from now.

I need to remain focused on the fact that this is not something I’m doing for a few months or for some destination. I am doing this for the rest of my life. It can be overwhelming to think in these terms, but I’ve discovered it is motivation for me to keep going.

Starting Weight (1/11/12): 157.0 lbs
Current Weight (1/25/12): 154.2 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 1.0 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 2.8 lbs

Wine and Love, V.11

Linking up with Nora today for another fun Wine and Love post.

W(h)ining About...

> Football games last weekend. Oh, man. Last weekend was not a good weekend for special teams now, was it? First, a crushing loss in the AFC Championship game where the Ravens kicker missed an incredibly easy field goal that would have tied the game. It sent the idiot Patriots to the playoffs and made my heart absolutely hurt for Kundiff, the kicker, because you know he was sick over missing that field goal. But nothing compared to the 49ers game. As you know, my brother is a HUGE fan of the 49ers. I mean, I think he still owns his child-sized Steve Young jersey from when he was a kid! Watching that game was so stressful with a heart-breaking end. But seriously? I never saw the Niners making it to the NFC Championship game, nor playing as well as they did. (Jim Harbaugh for Coach of the Year? I think so!)

> Work anxiety. I have no explanation for it, other than little things that happen that I let spiral into these big, huge spiraling thoughts that would make absolutely no sense to a normal person. Tomorrow, I’m planning on making an appointment with a doctor and see about getting a referral to a therapist. (Or should I just make an appointment with a doctor and a therapist? I don’t know how these things work...) In any event, the past few weeks have showed me that I desperately need to figure out what is going on and how to fix it.

> Sadness in my family. My family is going through a rough patch right now. I want to protect certain people’s privacy with everything that’s happening, but suffice it to say, January has not been a great month for us. Things seem to be on the track to healing, but any prayers you could shoot our way would be greatly appreciated.

Loving...

> Making big blog plans. I finally made the first step in the big process of moving my blog to self-hosted Wordpress which was contacting Wordpress and All Things Thesis Goddess, Doniree. It’s a big process of securing a domain, moving all my posts (I’m closing in on 500!) over to a new site, as well as buying Thesis and setting that up. It’s all too much for me so I’m happy to hand the reigns over to Doniree and her team. I find her rates to be super reasonable for all she’s going to do for me. If you’re looking for the switch to self-hosted Wordpress, highly recommend checking her out! The whole process won’t start until late February, but I’m so excited to get started!

> Bible study. I’m really, really loving my Bible study. I still have a problem with opening up in the small group portion of the night, but I am loving the Beth Moore videos. She has such a powerful testimony and this absolute joy when she talks about Jesus. This week’s lesson hit me really hard in the best way. Beth Moore has a way of really getting to the heart of the matter and cutting to the core of the Christian faith. She’s an incredible lady.

> Finishing the #twookclub January book. Spoiler alert: I loved this book. It wasn’t getting the best reviews of other people reading it, so I went into it expecting to be bored and annoyed by the female lead character. Instead? I found myself completely captivated by the character’s and ended the book with this utterly happy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I loved the writing, loved the characters, and cannot wait to discuss the novel with #twookclub. (Our chat is this Sunday at 9pm EST for anyone who wants to join in!)

What are you w(h)ining about or loving this week?

Project 365 {039 - 058}

I need to get better at not waiting weeks before a Project 365 update. Another huge photo post!

{039/365 - Thursday, January 5, 2012} Starbucks to get me through a major marketing plan meeting. We were reviewing three of our plans which is always long and tedious.

{040/365 - Friday, January 6, 2012} My beautiful mama at her marathon race expo. These expos give me the half-marathon itch.

{041/365 - Saturday, January 7, 2012} Cinderella’s castle at Disney World. I must thank the wonders of Instagram and a bird flying at the perfect spot for this photo.

{042/365 - Sunday, January 8, 2012} My rock star mama after her marathon. She looks so hardcore in this photo!

{043/365 - Monday, January 9, 2012} After not seeing him for three days, he was super missed! And super happy to be back with us!

{044/365 - Tuesday, January 10, 2012} This is Tootsie, she works at my office. She took a four-week vacation in December and let me tell you, it was SO good to see her back in the office! (And by work, I mean entertain us with her loud snores as she sleeps away the day!)

{045/365 - Wednesday, January 11, 2012} Back at the place that I need to be.

{046/365 - Thursday, January 12, 2012} Hi. My name is Stephany and I’m obsessed with the forward-facing camera on my iPhone.

{047/365 - Friday, January 13, 2012} If you only knew the percentage of photos of Dutch to other photos I have on my iPhone...

{048/365 - Saturday, January 14, 2012} Saturday stroll in a favorite park.

{049/365 - Sunday, January 15, 2012} Sunday afternoon nap. So cozy!

{050/365 - Monday, January 16, 2012} Fun experiment: me before make-up and after make-up. Verdict? I look really tired without make-up.

{051/365 - Tuesday, January 17, 2012} The new series my Bible study is working through. I am the biggest Beth Moore fangirl so I’m excited!

{052/365 - Wednesday, January 18, 2012} Cannot wait to dig into this book! Expect a review in a few weeks.

{053/365 - Thursday, January 19, 2012} Sometimes, I forget to take a picture until late at night so I force Dutch to pose. This is one of those times.

 

{054/365 - Friday, January 20, 2012} I love 70 degree days in January.

{055/365 - Saturday, January 21, 2012} Saturday morning walk with Dutch. Such a pretty day!

{056/365 - Sunday, January 22, 2012} Dutch and his blankets. He loves blankets (almost) as much as he loves me!

{057/365 - Monday, January 23, 2012} A Monday evening spent catching up on Bible study homework. (Discovering how badly I need a new Bible while trying to do this study! My version just doesn’t jive.)

{058/365 - Tuesday, January 24, 2012} The stairs in my office building are so steep and slightly creepy that I rarely use them. But they do give a great thigh burn!

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 10

Would you believe it? This is the END of this post series! I started this in July 2010 and slowly worked my way through the questions. They were thought-provoking, deep, and insightful. I’m now on the hunt for more questions like these because they really made me stop and think. You can find the entire list here.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

I would be more vocal about my faith. I find it very hard to be as active as I want to be because let’s face it: Christians don’t always lead the greatest example. I know more Christians that do than don’t but all the world cares about are those that are radical and a little nuts. It turns them off to anything involving faith or religion (which I can’t say I blame them for, some Christians even leave me with a bad taste in my mouth!), and makes me a little scared to fully share my faith in the way I want to for fear of the judgment I will inevitably receive. I’m trying to worry less and less about that, but I still care way too much about the opinions of others to fully dive headfirst in sharing about my walk with Jesus.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

I could take this literally and say I noticed it this morning when I took my earbuds out at the end of my run. Hehe. VERY easy to notice my breathing then! But I think there’s a deeper meaning behind the question, as in, when was the last time I was still, silent, and focused on the here and now. I have a tendency to get more focused on what’s happening next that being present and alive in this moment is something I struggle with. I try to do this on my drive to work, to not be thinking of how many days until the weekend or what I’m having for lunch or anything but the present and being happy to be alive and focused on my life at that moment.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love the relationship I have with my mom. She’s always there for me, 100%, but she’s also become my very best friend.

I love my family. Every single one of them, including my 16-year-old twin cousins who are going through an extremely rough time right now and acting out because of it. No matter what, I still think those girls are amazing individuals and I wish I knew how to better show them that.

I love my dog. And my Instagram feed showcases that immensely.

I love football, food, and blogging. I love long emails to my blog BFF, funny Twitter convo’s, and cruising. I love reading, my Kindle, and the fact that I can now borrow books from the library on my Kindle. I love that I have a job to come to, even if some days are harder than others. I love Florida, sunshine, and immediate access to beaches and theme parks. I love a clean house, organizing, and Publix subs. I love crossing out my to-do list, eyeliner, and Post-It notes.

Most of all, I love the opportunities that await me as I get older, more mature, and more certain in myself and my abilities. I love that I’m learning to throw off the cape of self-doubt and uncertainty and plant myself out there for the world. I love myself.

49. In about 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

I’m pretty sure I will remember what I did yesterday. (I’m writing this on Monday afternoon. I will never forget the crushing defeat of the 49ers loss. My brother was devastated and my heart broke for him.)

But will I remember what I did this past week? No. I won’t. I may remember bits and snippets. A certain scent or song may bring me back to a time when I was a little marketing assistant at a small company, but generally, I won’t remember much. It puts a lot of things into perspective, doesn’t it?

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

If this question had been asked a year ago, I know I would have answered it differently. But I can say with absolute certainty that I am making decisions for myself. I am controlling my own destiny, taking the bull by the horns, and all other cliché phrases. There’s something exciting about getting older and understanding yourself more that leads to not ever wanting to go back to that stagnant way of living where life seems out of control and decisions out of your reach. I’m standing up for myself more, making my own decisions, and carving out my own life. I’m going to still make lots of mistakes and still have pitfalls to make my way through. But the fun thing about making your own decisions is the learning process because it’s through that process that you learn the most about yourself and what you crave from life.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9]

Annual Blog Review - Your Feedback

I want to begin my post by extending a huge thank you to everyone that filled out my blog survey. It’s the first time I’ve done one of these and while I’m not sure if I’ll do one every year, it’s also a good measuring stick to who my readers are and what post topics speak to them more than others. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m scrapping posts that a vast majority of survey responders don’t like but it does help me see what your likes and dislikes are.

What you like

There were three post topics that stood out as winners: personal thoughts on life and issues, singlehood posts, and healthy living/fitness posts. I think I do a fairly good job at covering all three topics. I try not to blog too much about my singleness because I don’t want to come off as whiny or too “boys are bad business, man.” I think I’ve gotten better at opening up about being single and my low-key dating life, but it was interesting to see how many people wanted to hear more about it! I know being open and honest about my life and my struggles is something I do on a regular basis. Even though I’m not anonymous and I have family and friends who read my blog, my blog is also very therapeutic for me. I have hard time keeping silent on certain subjects and as it turns out, most people like that about my blog!

What you don’t like

Book reviews and faith. Those drew the most dislikes, although they also drew the same number of likes. I know faith posts can be very subjective (and controversial!) so most people stay away from them. Which is fine and I see nothing wrong in that, but it’s not for me. :) As far as book reviews go, they tend to draw the least amount of views or comments. I tend to skip over book reviews of books that aren’t ones I’ve read or highly popular myself, which is why I switched over to a different kind of book review (a three-in-one snapshot type). My Letters to My Future Husband series drew a fair number of dislikes, but it also garnered the fourth-most likes so I’m not sure that’s an accurate measurement. (Which is good, since that’s my favorite series and I would not get rid of it even if everyone hated it. Wheeee!)

On weekly posts

For the most part, no weekly post was the least liked. Some people had their own reasons for not liking certain posts, all reasonings I could understand. Wine and Love got the most likes (yay, Nora!) with Ten on Tuesday, Weekly Weigh-In, and Project 365 all tying for second. I try to keep my blog content fresh and new, not wanting to fill up every day with a meme so just know I will never become a “meme a day” type of blogger, but I also really love Ten on Tuesday and Wine and Love so those posts are here to stay!

On writing about my faith

I was really interested to see what people thought about faith and religion posts. I used to write more about my faith, struggles I was having, and just things I believe in. 2011 I didn’t write much, mainly because I was more consumed with graduation, finding a job, and settling into my new role. It was also a year my faith felt very stagnant and elusive. But I’m finally feeling a burning need to write more about my faith. I’ve thought about opening up a new blog specifically centered on faith posts but it felt very two-faced, as if I was living two different lives. As if writing more about faith would make me lose readers and honestly? I shouldn’t care about that. I find it sad that some people cannot understand where I’m coming from, yet I’m supposed to be non-judgmental and completely okay with where they are coming from. But if there are people who cannot understand my faith (I’m not saying they have to believe as I do, but being able to not judge me harshly for what I believe in), those are people I don’t want to be friends with anyway. That’s a very shallow and close-minded way to live, in my opinion.

Off my soapbox!

I plan on beginning a series of faith-based posts, I’m creatively titling “On Faith”. A mix of posts about things I’m struggling with, things I feel God is trying to teach me, and a general view on what I believe and why I believe it. Nineteen of you had no opinion about me blogging about my faith, many of you not wanting to hurt my feelings but said those post just didn’t interest you. Totally okay! I get it. I generally skip over posts with political rants or design DIYs. To each their own. I’m excited about this series, though, and I had quite a few of you who did want to hear more about my faith and I can’t wait to start sharing again.

Overall...

I’m really glad I did this survey! I was able to get some great feedback on what you guys want to see more of and what you could do without. A few of you also mentioned wanting to know more about my day-to-day life which, I’ll admit, I sometimes forget to talk about because I have all these THOUGHTS I want to express first! But I also noticed this when I wrote my 2011 recap, it was kinda hard to figure out what I did each month since I didn’t document the little things that happened all too well.

I did get one rather harsh comment (from someone who doesn’t even read my blog anymore, go figure) that got me thinking about a lot, mainly about how my writing comes across in certain subjects. I’m sure this will ensue a blog post, because while I don’t like to give fire to anonymous comments, I think it’s an important topic to talk about. It was the only less than positive comment so I’m trying to brush it off, but it also makes me incredibly sad someone would feel this way about me. (Also, Exhibit #858 on Why I Could Never Be a Popular Blogger.)

All in all, great feedback for me to better this blog in 2012. I have big plans on a move to Wordpress, brand-new design, fun giveaways, and some new series ideas to put into action. Cheers to a beautiful and vibrant year!

Five For Friday

1 - I’ve been chatting with a few friends about meeting up for a fun blogger getaway weekend. Some people are a bit bummed they won’t be able to make it to Bloggers in Sin City this year (I am not. I will be on a cruise instead. Sorry I’m not sorry.) and I have read way too many recaps of bloggers getting together for fun girls’ weekends that I decided 2012, I am organizing a weekend of my own. Right now, nothing is being done but I want to get some sort of email chain going so we can discuss where to go, what to do, etc. I’m thinking sometime later in the year, since I have to save up my time off at work for my cruise and then build it back up when I come back. I know this is way in advance but if you’re interested in a bloggers’ weekend this fall, let me know in the comments or in a email, or just send me a tweet. I am going to make this happen!

2 - I’m very hesitant to talk about my job on here but I will say that things are going good. Not great. Not excellent. But good. I am eternally grateful for my boss taking a chance on a girl fresh out of college, and I’m learning a lot. Mostly about what I want in life. What my skill sets are and what I want to do with myself. Marketing is an interesting field to work in, but it has me pondering what God’s plan for my life really is.

3 - I joined a women’s Bible study at my church this past week. When I heard they were going to be doing a Beth Moore study, it kicked the urge to go into higher gear because I love Beth Moore. She’s an incredible speaker, writer, and all-around woman. It was a huge group, but divided into about 12-13 smaller groups of about 8-10 women. (Did I mention huge?!) But it was also so good for me to be in that environment, surrounded by so many other Christian women.

4 - I’ve had a great response to my blogging survey. I have my reasons for doing so, mainly to see if there are any posts people love more than others and to get a handle on what people think about me talking more about my faith on this blog (since I’m kind of blunt and in-your-face when I do talk about my faith...). I plan on going over the results on Monday but if you haven’t filled it out yet, here’s the link to get to the survey.

5 - This Sunday is the AFC and NFC Championships for NFL Football. I am incredibly nervous for Sunday since my brother’s favorite team, the San Fransisco 49ers, are in the NFC Championship game. This is their first playoff appearance in 9 years and they’ve lots of terrible years of crappy football behind them. Last week was an incredibly stressful week where I actually got a headache from watching the game with my brother. He’s one of the most passionate guys I’ve ever met when it comes to football, especially as it relates to his Niners. (And as a side note, I am rooting for the Ravens, too! The Patriots have become one of the most boring teams to watch. So passionless. So unemotional.) It should be a fun Sunday of football!

Let me know if you’re interested in a blogger getaway weekend this fall! Who are you rooting for this Sunday?