I Love Me Some Meme's!

So, I love me some meme's. (TO reference, anyone?) And when I saw this one posted on Just A Titch, I knew I had to steal it and use it for myself. It's creative (finally, I'm not naming "10 Things You Don't Know About Me") and really interesting. Now let's just hope my answers don't bore you to tears.

It’s not fall until football starts. But then, when is it really fall in Florida? It's still in humid, muggy, and feels like a billion degrees outside. We don't start getting cold weather until December, and even then our "winter" is more of a Northerner's fall. I really need to move somewhere where all four seasons are defined.

Kelly Preston’s character in the movie For Love of the Game expresses her need to escape NYC because “Summer’s almost over, and I feel like I missed it.” What do you need to do in the waning days of summer for it to feel complete? I'm not really a big fan of summer anymore. I'm either working, taking classes, or working and taking classes. I never have any money to go on vacation somewhere nice. For the past few summers, though, my mom and I have taken mini-vacations in August. Three years ago, we spent a week in a condo on the beach and it was FANTASTIC! This August, we took a "stay-cation" which was relaxing but definitely not as fun as a real vacay.

The person I know is wrong for me but about whom I frequently think after a break-up is nobody...because I don't have break-ups. Seriously. No boyfriends = no break-ups. I know who I would think about, though, and he's my best-kept secret.

The US Tennis Open, one of four Grand Slam events in that sport, is currently in the quarterfinal round. If you could only attend one major sporting event what would it be? No question, the SuperBowl. The last SuperBowl was actually played in Tampa and I really wanted to go but tickets are out of this world. But that's something that's definitely on my bucket list.

Assuming that you write an anonymous or partially anonymous blog, by what non-physically identifying characteristics might you be identified in a bar? Non-physical? OK...I'm very quiet, especially in social situations. You would find me sitting by myself, sending "back off" signals that I really don't mean to send. Also, I like to seem like I'm popular and important so I might also be playing on my phone, pretending tons of people are texting me, when, in reality, I'm just updating my Twitter.

Most blogs cover some sort of niche – personal, political, dating, culinary, etc. What topic, if any, would you like to address on your blog but doesn’t fit into your niche? I don't talk about my job much. My real life, it seems, is so much different from my job. Other things are more interesting and I feel like my job is my place to escape. I don't have to think about school or writing or blogging. I'm just there and hang out with kids all day. There are times I would like to talk about my work but I don't feel comfortable doing it. Plus, who wants to listen to stories about so-and-so FINALLY wearing underpants now?

If you could manipulate the time space continuum and give as many as three pieces of advice to a younger version of yourself, what advice would you give and to what age of you? Age 12: "Don't believe a word he says. He is going to let you down, again and again. You are better than him."; Age 17: "Have you thought about journalism?"; Age 19: "Are you giving this your best shot? Yes, you're homesick but there are so many opportunities out there!"

How high are your walls? Who was the last person to scale them? What tools should would-be climbers have on their belt? My walls are built like Mount Everest. They are so high, it takes expert "climbers" to even start to make the trek up. My mom is the only person who has ever reached the top, and my brother is still scaling the walls. To even begin to scale them, arm your mind with persistence. I will resist every attempt but please keep trying. Also, make sure you tell me why you care and tell me your back story. I want to know why knowing me is so important to you.

The sexiest thing a man can say to you (or has said to you) is "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..." Joking! (How lame.) I don't think any man has ever said anything "sexy" to me. My brother has done his best to try to rebuild my self-esteem but my dad has ripped apart any semblence of it. My brother has told me, time and time again, that I am a worthy person and that he loves me. He's told me that whatever Dad has said to me is worthless. I don't really want to call my brother's advice "sexy," but it's close!

Now it's your turn! Man, those questions really made me think! Comment this post if you did it! I want to read your answers!

Stress Demon, Part Two

See these boxes? They weren't supposed to grace our apartment for another couple of weeks.

Yet, here they are. Why? Because our move-in date was bumped up 3 weeks. Our apartment complex decided to give a new tenant our apartment with a move-in date of October 5th. (Coincidentally, our lease doesn't expire until October 15th.) We talked with the awesome Heather at our new apartment complex and were able to snag an apartment quickly.

In August, Mom and I decided to move. We're living in a beautiful apartment in a beautiful complex. It's a gated community with covered parking, granite countertops, and a full-size washer/dryer in every unit. But it's way too expensive for us. We need to downsize and found a perfect little community that fit our budget.

So, when I said I was stressed before? Man, I didn't even know! We only have one week to pack. We also have to set up cable and liability insurance before move-in. And the move-in fees? $1,400, which, thankfully, includes October's rent. Basically, money is going to be non-existant for me until my next paycheck in October. Honestly, right now, I have no idea how we're going to work this out. Money issues are keeping me up at night.

My mom sent my apartment complex an e-mail Thursday night to tell them we are able to move out before October 5th. (Although, frankly, I would've waited until Monday and let her sweat all weekend about it.) And now the office manager has been acting very strange. Before, when she told us about the new tenant, it was all roses: You'll get any unused rent and your security deposit. And now? She's telling us that any damages and cleaning they'll have to do will be taken out of the security deposit.

Under normal circumstances, this would be fine. But these are not normal circumstances. We are, in a sense, being rushed out of our apartment. We won't have the time (or the money) to clean the carpets. (Which is our main concern.) Everything else will be spic-and-span. My mom once read some reviews about our complex after we moved in here and one lady talked about how awful they were to her when she moved out. And how much they overcharged her. And it looks like the same might be happening to us.

Anyway, it's going to be a long week. I still haven't gotten the OK to take Friday and Monday off from my job, which I'm worried about. We have so much stuff to pack and get rid of. And I have 3 exams this week and a paper due.

Honestly, I just want to bypass the next 3 weeks. I want to be all settled into the new apartment with money in my bank account.

Just For Kicks

My professor showed us this video yesterday in my Visual Communications class. I'm not a huge YouTube-r but when I saw this video, I knew I had to share it and preserve it. It had the whole class laughing! Enjoy!

Flab to Fab: I Suck At This

Remember my first Flab to Fab post? I remarked on how I need to have a healthy lifestyle and just start making gradual healthy changes to my life.

Then came last week's post. I expounded on the idea that fat people don't know how to have a healthy lifestyle so, for a starting point, we need to be on a "diet" and be accountable.

ERG!

This week's post will be on how much I suck. No, just kidding. Although, that's a post that could fill many a line. (Again, kidding. Albeit, I'm not very good at these jokes.)

I started off the week really good. I was tracking my food and really excited to start this process! I even decided to forgo my Friday afternoon nap for a gym workout. I was doing good, up until Friday night, when I stopped tracking. And I feel like everything fell apart. It didn't, really. I think I stepped back into making healthy choices. The fact is, I don't like tracking my food. I don't like to know every single morsel of food I put in my mouth needs to be written down. That's why I failed at Weight Watchers. I just want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself.

So I think I'm going back to my decision on Week 1 - making gradual healthy choices. No, I won't always make the best decision. And yes, this way means it's going to take me a lot longer to lose the weight. But this is the best fit for me. It's the best way that I can succeed and keep succeeding.

I want to start including a list of good healthy choices made. And I really need to come up with a better name for it. Alas, I have 7 minutes to finish this entry before I need to pick up my mom from work so Healthy Choices it is!

Healthy Choices
Friday: Attempted to track. Also, I ate one of the healthiest Lean Cuisine meals there is!
Saturday: I didn't snack all day, something I'm prone to do on Saturdays. Also, for the first Saturday in probably a YEAR, I went to the gym. I'm always nervous about Saturdays because my gym can get very packed (and it's a small apartment gym) so I hate going. But I went at 11:30 and it was empty the entire time. Yay!
Sunday: I got in a 90-minute workout on this day! And I ate pretty healthy. I'm nervous about Sundays now since football started. Football = food.
Monday: I ate healthy at work with a salad, fruit cup, and cookies. (Just add a sandwich to that and I sound like a third-grader.) Also, I didn't have an ounce of soda until after my 2pm class!
Tuesday: I ate moderately healthy at work. And I only had one 20-ounce Coke, too! Woot!
Wednesday: Ate healthy at work. We made mini pizza's with the kids and I had probably 2 pieces but it wasn't too bad. And since I left my wallet in the car, I didn't have any soda until dinnertime. AND...healthiest choice of the week goes to choosing Weight Watchers ice cream over cookies. Mom gave me the choice to choose a dessert (mainly because she hates making choices). I really wanted cookies or something equally unhealthy but I was feeling horrible about the choice so I decided, on the spur of the moment, to get the ice cream! I'm still super proud over this moment. :)

That's all for me since I'm 1 minute behind schedule now. Question, though: I've been eating salads again. I have this amazing olive oil vinaigrette dressing I'm using. I've only been topping the salad with tuna fish. I need some good tips: What do you do to spice up your salads?

Battling With the Stress Demon

I haven't wanted to admit it. First of all, I don't like to complain. (Unless it's about how much I don't want to exercise.) Secondly, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. But, after 4 weeks of classes, it's finally hit me: Stress.

Stress + Stephany = Crabby Pants.

I don't deal with stress well. I get crabby, short with people, and consume my body weight in chocolate. I'm really scared of what I'm going to be like around November, when the tough projects come rolling in. (Hello, case studies.)

I've never worked a part-time job while going full-time at school. Actually, scratch that because I did work in my school's bookstore at the end of 2006, beginning of 2007. But I only worked maybe 10 hours a week and was taking easy-as-pie education classes.

I'm working 30 hours a week. My alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. Monday through Friday. After class, four days a week, I rush to campus where I try to stay awake to listen to boring exciting lectures. On Mondays, I get a semblence of a break until I have to sit at my computer from 7 p.m. until 8:45 p.m., logging onto my online class' Virtual Classroom. Then come Tuesdays, my longest day. I have work, afternoon class, a break, and then class from 6 p.m. until 9 p.m. And it's not even a fun class. (Although, it could be. They just choose to be boring about it.)

Luckily, my week gets better starting on Wednesday. I'm done with work/classes by 3:15 p.m., which is heavenly. And I usually don't start any homework until Friday night, at the earliest. (Yes, I do homework on Friday nights. You can see how extremely exciting my life is.) But this means my nights are usually free for me to bum around online, watch lots o' TV, and catch up on my reading.

It's a busy schedule. I wouldn't say I'm at the level I was at during my "final" internship in fall 2008, but I'm getting there. And, really, it's not half as bad as many people. I live with my mom, which means I don't have too many responsibilities. I don't have any children to care for. And most of my nights are free for me.

So why am I so stressed out? My mom and I have gotten in more small arguments in the past 3 days than we have all year! I've come up with a list (because who doesn't love a good list?):

1. I'm sleepy - I've been going to bed way too late for someone who has to be up at 5:15 a.m. The past 3 days, I've gone to bed past 11:30, which means I'm getting less than 6 hours of sleep. And I'm a 9+-hours-of-sleep-a-night type of girl. I don't function well when I'm exhausted.
2. We're moving - Our lease for this amazing-yet-way-too-expensive apartment is up October 15, so we've already put a deposit on another apartment, closer to my school and my mom's work. But we put our deposit in very early so we haven't exactly secured an apartment yet. I'm a little anxious about that and don't relish the thought of yet another move. (This will be my 14th move. And no, I wasn't a military brat.)
3. Flab to fab - It hasn't been working out as brilliantly as I had hoped. I don't want to get too in depth, since I'll be blogging about it tomorrow, but I'm getting really disappointed in myself. I've been feeling that I'm destined to be fat. (Lane Bryant...here I come!)

All of the issues, combined with my classes, projects, and work (which can be a VERY stressful job on most days), have gotten me to this point. Blogging about it has helped. I started this blog, not knowing I would find out why I am stressed. And now it's just a matter of moving forward, making changes, and battling with the stress demon.

I Was Thirteen

I really meant to write this post yesterday and now I feel dorky for writing it today. But I wanted to write about it. It'll be my first time ever really talking it.

September 11, 2001.

I was 13 years old. (Don't hate!) I was an eighth-grader in middle school and had never heard of the World Trade Center before then.

As is true with just about everyone else, I began my day like normal. I was taken to school by bus, joked around with friends until the bell rang, and settled into my first-period class. I listened to the announcements and noted that it was one of my many crushes, Marc's, birthday. (And later felt sad as we loaded onto the bus at the end of the day that his birthday was never going to be the same again.)

I ambled along to second period and it wasn't until I was coming into my third-period class that I heard the news.

"The Word Trade towers fell down and went boom."

That's what one of my classmates said to me. Not the best way to describe what happened. And believe me, we let her have it. In the classes that followed, we sat and watched CNN as they described the tragedy. I didn't quite grasp the severity of what had happened.

What was the World Trade Center? Why would someone choose these towers to crash into? And how does it affect me? I have no family living in New York. I was in no shape or form involved in politics.

In my sixth-period class, my assistant principal visited us and led a Q-and-A session where we could voice our questions and get some facts.

I went home and immediately turned on the TV. It was scary. Our country had just been the victim of terrorism. Lives had been lost. People were missing. And the country was in disarray.

But I also remember how our country pulled together. We were no longer Republicans, Democrats, and independents. We were Americans. We drew together as a country. And I know other things were happening, under the Patriot Act. But, as a young 13-year-old, I didn't notice that. Maybe I noticed what the media wanted me to see. But when I think back on September 11, 2001 and the aftermath that followed, I remember patriotism. I remember coming together as a country. I remember feeling scared yet hopeful.

Flab to Fab: OK, So Maybe It Is A Diet (For Now)

So, my first week living as a healthy person was, um, well, decidedly not healthy.

On Friday night, my mom and I ordered a pizza. (To be fair, we have money issues right now so it was a cheap, yet delicious, option)

On Sunday, I think I probably drank an entire 2-liter bottle of soda. I don't know why I drank so much. (But this was also the only day I managed to exercise!)

On Tuesday, I bought ice cream. More specifically Publix-brand (another reason why you should love Publix - they have the most delicious ice cream anywhere!) Chocolate Trinity ice cream. Dark chocolate ice cream, chocolate chip chunks, and fudge. Ohhh, my goodness. It is heaven in a bowl. Wouldn't be that considered healthy? Dark chocolate is very healthy!

And let's just forget Wednesday and today even existed. I was just too far gone by then.

And, throughout this week, I've been thinking about my journey through Weight Watchers. In the beginning, yes, it feels like a diet. But if we knew how to eat and live healthy lives...wouldn't we be doing it already? The truth is, we know what a healthy lifestyle looks like - we just don't know how to implement it.

Weight Watchers teaches you how to live a healthy lifestyle. You have your "Eight Healthy Guidelines" which are 8 habits you want to achieve every day (everything from drinking liquids to taking a multivitamin). I did think of this plan as a diet at the beginning of my time. As I kept tracking my foods, I began noticing what foods kept me fuller longer and what foods I had to keep out of the house. After a few months being on the plan, I was able to calculate Points totals in my head and tally up my Points throughout the day in my head.

So this is where I am right now. I don't know how to live a healthy lifestyle. I know what one looks like but not how to live it. So perhaps I will be on a diet for a while. But as I continue on this weight loss journey, I believe things will start to become second-nature for me.

It just can't be so free anymore. I felt myself giving myself too much leeway. My reasoning? This week, I'm just working on drinking more water. But that doesn't mean I need to buy a carton of ice cream or eat 3 pieces of pizza for dinner.

So, I will truly be starting this healthy lifestyle tomorrow. And I'm going to do it with a "diet" mindset in mind. I will be writing down every single thing I eat. I didn't do that last week and I really think I need to get back into the habit of being diligent about tracking my food. When I was tracking (and doing it right), the pounds were flying off.

And I also want to exercise 5 days this week (as opposed to the 1 last week...). I really want to be able to run in the 5k Turkey Trot race this Thanksgiving. I've done it the past 3 years but only ran it once (and not even the whole way). I would love to be able to run the whole thing!

Lastly, I really need to drink more water. It's sick how much soda I drink on a daily basis. My ultimate goal is to take soda completely out of my life. You don't know how jealous I am of people who only drink water and drink soda occasionally, if at all. I want to be YOU!

So here we go. Flab to fab, part two. (And this time, I'm for REAL!)

I Miss My Dad

This November will mark 2 years since I've spoken to my father. He's not dead (at least, not that I know of) but he just doesn't feel as if I'm an important part of his life anymore.

And I miss him. I miss the good guy he could be. My dad has his fair share of bad qualities. He's a gambler and he let it overtake his life and destroy his marriage and his life. He's an alcoholic. He cannot hold a steady job. He thinks he's always right and constantly berates those who don't agree with him. And he's been in and out of jail for most of my life.

But when you take all of that away, he's an amazing good guy. He has the best sense of humor. He is so friendly and can strike up a conversation with anyone. And he's so much fun to watch sports with.

Picture Chris Farley. Take away about 100 pounds. Add thinning dark brown hair. You've got my father. And he has Chris Farley's sense of humor to a tee. And I definitely inherited his sense of humor. On a weekly basis, my mom tells me after I make a funny face or say something witty, "Wow. That was your dad right there." It makes me miss him even more.

Both my brother and I are sick of my dad. He has spent way too much time taking from us and never giving us anything. He promised us so many things and never followed through. He never supported my brother and I once in our life. I decided I would test my dad after my birthday in 2006. I was going to wait for him to call me. I wasn't going to call him first. And I'm still waiting.

But if he called me tonight and told me he was sorry, I think I would forgive him. It would be tough and I would make him work for it. But I'd forgive him. I want him back in my life. The good dad. The man I waited with at amusement parks as my brother and my mom rode the rollercoasters, who entertained me to no end. The man who could always make me crack a smile, even when I was in the worst mood. The man I curled up against as we watched movie after movie, knowing, without a doubt, that he would keep me safe.

Three Cheers for Awards!

I won a little bloggy award from Just A Titch, where I have to name 10 things about myself and list 10 blogs. I'll try to be interesting:

1. When I was in 2nd grade and my brother was in 3rd grade, my school had a Spelling Bee. I ended up placing 4th, losing on the word 'cousin'. (Although, to be fair, my grade used up our entire list of words and had moved on to 3rd grade words when I lost.) My brother ended up winning for his grade. The next year, my mom went Crazy-Mom-On-A-Mission and started quizzing us with words every single night. Every. Single. Night. Honestly, it's really not my ideal way to spend a school night. She had a notebook filled with words we could spell and words we couldn't spell. The funniest (but not really) part about this story? That year, the school didn't even have a Spelling Bee. Thanks, Mom.

2. When I'm at the movies and decide to get popcorn (which is sometimes always), the popcorn stays untouched until the movie begins. My brother does the same thing. Our theory is, we get the popcorn for the movie. Not for the annoying "before-the-movie" commentaries or movie previews. Why would I want to be halfway done with my popcorn before the movie even starts?

3. I sincerely look up to and adore my big brother. He's just 14 months older than me and growing up, we fought like cats and dogs. But once we hit high school, things got a lot smoother. We have bonded over our ridiculous dad and football. And, really, he's just an amazing human being. They don't make a lot of men like him.

4. I spent the first 2 1/2 years of my college career as an education major. I loved the classes but hated my internships. I had to take 3 different ones and each time, they got progressively worse. Halfway through my last one (A.K.A., THIS CLOSE to graduating), I was told by my supervisor that they couldn't pass me. So I left this major and took up journalism. I really, really wish I hadn't wasted so much time with that major, though.

5. I have always had a fascination with Russia. When I was in 3rd grade, I went to a museum centered around Russia and I fell in love. I really don't know what it is about that country that pulls me in but I would love, love, love to visit it someday.

6. I went to a progressive charter high school, starting in 11th grade. In May 4, 2006, I graduated with my high school diploma and two days later, I graduated with my Associate's degree. I took 5 college classes a semester, which also satisfied my high school credits. It was an amazing experience and I'm so glad I did it.

7. I am extraordinarily good with dates and numbers. I know the birthdates of all twenty of my 2-year-olds and most of the birthdates of my co-workers. One of my co-workers actually quizzed me on this and I aced it! I also know all the schedules of my co-workers. I've just always been good with numbers...but this has never, ever made me want to be an accountant. I hate math.

8. My favorite celebrity has been, for a very long time, Kelly Ripa. I can't always catch her show but when I do, my heart gets all warm and mushy. I love her attitude, her sense of humor, and her body. Holy crap, girl's got insane arms. I want her arms.

9. My favorite movie is not something inspiring or emotional. It's not a blockbuster nor will it make you challenge your thinking. It's Tommy Boy. I love this movie. I can quote it (and my brother and I do, all the time) line by line. I even do a pretty good impression of "My Pet." Chris Farley was such a great comedic actor and it sucks how his life ended.

10. I'd love to start scrapbooking but I really don't think I'm creative enough. I also don't know if my life is interesting enough to scrapbook. I'm not dating/engaged/married. I don't have any children. I don't travel. What's there to scrapbook? My dog?

Now I have to tag 10 blogs. Oh, geez. This should be fun!

1. Passionista at Am I The Only One?
2. Kait at KayBea
3. Steph at Steph In The City
4. Courtney at Sticky Lipgloss
5. Nanny at The Online Nanny Diaries
6. Samantha at A Change of Pace
7. Issa at The Truth Is All That I Can Hear Everytime You Lie
8. Jennifer at Somewhere In Between
9. Sarah at Postcards From Far Away
10. DeMo at Presently DeMo

Whew. That was really hard.

Flab to Fab

I have started and stopped so many diets that it's impossible to keep track. I have started and stopped so many diet journals that it's impossible to keep track. So if you see a week go by where I don't include a "Flab to Fab" post, please virtually slap me and ask me about it. It probably means I've slid into the deep end, once again.

Since high school, I've labeled myself as a "fat girl." I pondered the idea of anorexia for about a week. I even went to pro-anorexia websites to search for tips and ideas on how to go about this insane "diet" plan. But then I mentioned it to a friend who spent an entire bus ride home talking me out of it. (Funnily enough, she used Britney Spears as an example. But this was in 2003, when Britney Spears wasn't such a train wreck.)

Then I tried eating healthy, watching my calories, and exercising. Problem is, the fitness room at my apartment was laughable. They had one treadmill, one out-of-date Stairstepper, and a Bowflex-inspired (but not Bowflex-quality) weight system. And it was hard to get my mom on board. She was still in her B.W.W. (Before Weight Watchers) days.

Then came college. In 2006, I pranced off to Tampa to live on campus in a dorm. (Read: the worst decision of my life!) In October of 2006, my mom started attending Weight Watchers. And I guess the lightbulb went on for her because she ended up losing 80 lbs on this program. Eighty. POUNDS. That's the size of a fourth-grader! She took up running (which she, um, loves. Weirdo.) and began making healthy choices and watching her portions. It was an amazing thing to witness and so inspirational for a fat girl like me. If my mom can do it, I can do it! Right?

So I started Weight Watchers when I came back from college in May 2007. I lost about 20 lbs by the start of fall semester but then I hit a major plateau. By Christmas of that year, I had lost less than 5 pounds. Granted, I hadn't gained the weight back, but my weight loss was just silly. And I was paying $40 a month for this! I kept going until June 2008 when I decided it wasn't worth it. I tried to do it on my own and ended up going back to Weight Watchers, quitting, going back, quitting. This has happened 3 or 4 times since June 2008.

So now I'm here. September 2009. I'm back at the weight I was when I started WW. I'm happy I haven't managed to become even bigger. But I know that if I don't start making some serious changes and really challenging my body to change, I'm going to get to a point of no return. I don't want to get to the point where I can only shop in plus-size stores, can't walk up a flight of stairs without panting, or worrying that I won't fit into the car on the rollercoaster. It was a life my mom lived. It's one she doesn't live now. And it's one I do not want to live.

So I'm beginning this weight loss journey over again. And it's not a diet. It's a journey of learning how to change how I think about food and exercise. I don't want to depend on food to make me happy anymore. I want exercise to become a normal, every-day part of my life. I want to make healthy eating choices without thinking about it.

It's going to be hard. It's hard to completely change the way you think and live your life. But I have to do this for me. Not just to be thin (and fab!) but to be healthy. Living a healthy, active lifestyle equals less stress and less troubles down the road (i.e., cancer). I hope it's a journey I can conquer and succeed at. I'm determined not to fail.

As I start this journey, I want to include goals into every post. Since I'm beginning this journey tomorrow, I'm going to write up a list of yearly goals.

By this time next year (September 2010), I want to...

• Have lost a total of 30 lbs (and kept it off).
• Ran in a 10K race.
• Established a consistent exercise program.
• Stopped drinking so much soda, except for once in a while.
• Bought a bikini (although I'm still unsure if I could ever be comfortable in one.)

I'm sure there are some of you out there who struggle (or have struggled) with your weight. I'm hoping we can all become successes at this monster and learn how to be healthy and fit!