2000-2009: The End of an Era

I can't believe this first decade of a new millennium is coming to an end. I won't embarrass myself by telling you how much I bought into the Y2K hype. (Hey! I was twelve!) I have grown up so much in this decade, yet sometimes it seems as if I'm still the twelve-year-old girl I was when 2000 started.

In 2000, I was 12 and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My parents had finalized their divorce the September prior. I had no self-esteem to speak of and was scared to even look at a boy I had a crush on. I dealt with extreme insomnia. My mom battled depression. The one bright spot of 2000 was the week-long trip I took to Virginia with my mom, my brother, my grandparents, and my cousins. I saw snow for the very first time and experienced the thrill of skiing for the first time.

In 2001, I was 13 and experienced tragedy when terrorists crashed planes into a huge building. My dad went to jail for 3 months for stealing $2,000 from his mother. We lived in 4 separate places this year: a condo, an apartment, my grandparents house, and then had to move with them as they moved to another house. I still struggled with major self-esteem issues.

In 2002, I was 14 and really excited about what life had to offer me. I was excited to finish middle school, as it had been the most awful three years of my life. I couldn't wait to start high school and have a fresh start. I was still incredibly shy and saw myself as fat and unwanted. My self-esteem was super low. I was extremely proud to be in a magnet school, even if it was in a program I had no interest in pursuing as a career (criminal justice). Still, I thought I was better than those "mainstream" kids. My brother started dating Jenny.

In 2003, I was 15 and immersed in the world of AIM and Xanga. I was addicted to the computer and playing on it every chance I could get. While I had friends, we didn't spend much time after school together, aside from one or two sleepovers. I went to Homecoming on a date with a friend, and it was one of the best times I have ever had. This was a year I was trying to "find" myself and searching for answers in everything from religion to rock music. It was also the year an amazing opportunity passed my way.

In 2004, I was 16 and handed an amazing opportunity to spend the rest of my high school years at a charter school, where I would take college classes that would count as college and high school credit. At the end of my 2 years, I would graduate with my high school diploma as well as my Associates in Arts degree. I met a great group of girl friends who brightened my day. I was very family-oriented. After taking college-level Anatomy and Physiology (at the age of fifteen), I decided I didn't want to be a veterinarian anymore. And so went the process of finding what I did want to do in life. I went on a date this year and had an "almost boyfriend" for about 3 weeks.

In 2005, I was 17 and floating by in life. This was the end of my junior year of high school and the beginning of my senior year. My guidance counselor was going crazy, getting us ready to apply for colleges. I applied to 3 colleges this year: University of Florida (denied), University of South Florida (accepted), and University of Central Florida (denied). I took the SAT and didn't do so well on them. Life was mundane and nothing exciting happened this year. My brother graduated from high school and moved out in September to live with his girlfriend.

In 2006, I was 18 and a high school and college graduate! I spent the summer working for a movie theater, which was so hard but also a little bit fun. I left home for college (which was only 30 minutes away) and ended up hating it so much. I had a roommate that I clashed with. I spent a lot of my free time in the school bookstore to get away from it all. I was an elementary education major, something I absolutely adored. And I worried away most of fall semester that I wouldn't meet the class requirements to get into the College of Education, because of two awful classes. (I ended up making an A in one, and a C- in the other.)

In 2007, I was 19 and lost 30 pounds. After a horrible year in the dorms, I came back home for good. I started working at a preschool and became a lot more adept at handling babies and kids. I joined Weight Watchers and lost those aforementioned 30 pounds. I was an intern one day a week in a first-grade classroom, which was a whole lot of fun but also very scary. I was excited about my future.

In 2008, I was 20 and lost my way. I was supposed to graduate with my Bachelor's degree in elementary education in December but after a bad internship in the spring with a fourth grade class and then an awful one in the fall in another fourth grade class...I was told by my supervisor I wouldn't pass the internship. I took a month off to think and decided teaching was not for me. I changed my major to journalism. I discovered I didn't have any financial aid left to cover any more expenses. My dog of 11 years, Minnie, died in June from cancer. I quit my job in March to focus on school. I worked at a print shop during the summer, where I spent 90% of my time watching sitcoms and playing at my computer. We found out in May my grandma had stage IV colon cancer. My nephew was born in September. I spent November and December searching for a job to no avail.

In 2009, I was 21 and pursuing my passion. I excelled in all my journalism classes and for once, I was recognized at having talent at something. I started working at another preschool in February. I started blogging with a purpose and discovered an entire network of bloggers and friends. My grandma has been cancer-free for an entire year. We were given a dog, a mini-daschund, from a family member who has become an integral part of my life and one of my best friends.

I realize I spent most of this decade worrying. Worrying about money, worrying about my looks, worrying about what people thought of me. My hope for this upcoming decade is that I stop worrying so much. I learn to trust God and trust myself more. I learn to stop worrying so much about what people think of me and start looking internally for happiness. Happiness and acceptance will never be found in other people, something I did end up learning from this decade.

2009: A Year of Mediocrity

If I could sum up 2009 in one word it would be mediocrity.

2009 isn't a year where that much happened. Nothing terrible or heartbreaking happened. Nothing incredible or exciting happened. I didn't go anywhere on vacation. I didn't meet the man of my dreams. No amazing opportunities passed my way.

Don't get me wrong, some great things happened this year. Dutch, my adorable mini-daschund came to live with us and has become such an integral part of my life. After years of journaling online, I discovered this amazing world of blogging and in the later part of 2009, I have really tried to hone my skills as a blogger and have even developed a (very) small following.

I have spent 11 of these 12 months working at a wonderful job where I have gained amazing experiences, close friends, and an appreciation for work. I am hoping to spend most of 2010 at this job. It's not my ideal job, or even a job close to the field where I want to work. But it is a job and I do love it.

My mom and I began the step to downsizing our budget and getting on our feet, regarding finances. We moved into a much smaller apartment where our rent is close to half what we were paying before. In March, my mom's car will be paid off.

But it's a year that's been rife in mediocrity. I've attended school but haven't come upon any amazing opportunities, either in writing or internships. (Until I was offered one in November, which I start in January.) I'm just amazed at how much other people in my program are doing. One of my classmates already has an internship lined up with Google! I'm hoping 2010 will be a year where I take advantage of more opportunities and try harder at school.

I've been mediocre in my attempts to lose weight and grow closer to God. I've been mediocre in my attempts to have a semblence of a social life. I've been mediocre in my finances. It feels as if I've been letting life pass me by, as cliche as that sounds. It's such a boring and uninspiring way to live life.

I have high hopes for 2010. I'm not going to list resolutions this year. I never seem to achieve them or even keep track of what they are. I just list them, and forget about them by mid-January.

But I have very specific ideas of what I want out of 2010. And, sure, these may resemble what resolutions are. But I do see them as resolutions. I see them more of goals. I feel that they are so much more specific and closer to my heart than resolutions. (Plus, resolutions have such a negative connotation to them.)

In 2010, I am striving to...

• Become a healthier person. I am constantly striving towards this goal. I think most people are. Nobody wants to live an unhealthy life. We just don't have the tools or motivation to change. I have to find the motivation to change. I don't like who I have become. I don't like myself when I look in the mirror. And every time I watch The Biggest Loser's finale show, it's so bittersweet for me. I want to become them. I want to completely change my lifestyle from someone who eats food mainly high in fat and calories to someone who eats an array of healthy foods and exercises because I want to. It's going to be hard, but I have a lot of people who motivate me!
• Become a godlier woman. Yet another goal I am constantly striving towards. In 2009, I really fell off track and didn't seek God in anything I did. Only when something awesome happened, did I sit there and thank Him. The funny thing I've noticed is how far the enemy has been when I haven't been following God. Yet the minute I start seeking Him again, he's back on the rampage and I've been getting attack after attack from him. But this is a goal I am seeking to the fullest. I want to a woman of God. I want to seek His face, and not just on Sundays.
  
• Get in control of my finances. One of my big goals for 2010 is to pay off all of my credit cards and get rid of two of them. I have three right now. One is completely maxed out and the other two have probably $10 on each. I pay the minimum balance on the latter two every month and my minimum balance for the first is just insane. I'm a little embarrassed to even mention it. My goal is to use the majority of my income tax check to pay the first one off. And I want to use half of my paychecks to start paying off these credit cards. Once I can get in control of these, I can begin to start saving money and building my credit back up. And I think I'll be a much happier, secure person if this can happen.

When I think of these three goals I have, I just imagine the woman I will be if I can achieve all three. I think that's the image I'll keep at the back of my mind - thinking of how happier and self-assured I could be if I could become a healthier, more godly girl who is control of her finances. I am so looking forward to 2010. I am looking forward to fresh, new starts. I am looking forward to completely transforming my life. I want to look back on this girl I was in 2009 and just know I'll never be her again. 2010 is going to be different. I can feel it!

2009: A Year in Review

It seems as if everyone else is reviewing this year in their own special way. I haven't been too happy with 2009. It hasn't been as heartbreaking as 2008 was but nothing special or exciting happened. It just happened.

January: I began school for what seemed like the second time, this time as a Journalism major. I was still busy on the job hunt. Dutch came into our lives and brightened every moment. The Dolphins went to the playoffs and lost in the first round to the Ravens. Obama was inaugurated. I got 2 blog comments on two separate blog posts and began discovering the world of blogging.


February: Just as I was discovering the world of blogging, my computer crashed. My mom and I hosted our fifth Superbowl and the Steelers won. I started working at a preschool, with infants. Since we had no money to fix our computer, much of my free time was spent at the library working on homework.


March: My mom and I tried out a new church, and ended up loving it. I caught a 24-hour bug that knocked me down for an entire day. We still were computer-less. One of my closest friends got married, and I was a bridesmaid for the very first time. I helped out in the two-year-old room at my work, and ended up loving it so much that the lead teacher in the room and I begged our director to keep me in there for good.

April: We bought a $117 plug for the computer, which ended up being the solution to the problem. I went to a Caregiver's Celebration at work. I spent over 6 hours working on a project for one of my classes, and ended up getting an A+ on it. Classes ended for the semester, and I received 2 A's in both classes. I moved from Wordpress to BlogSpot and started the blog, Classy and Sassy. I also joined Twitter.


May: I began working with the two's for good. I spent way too much money on my mother for Mother's Day. (But she deserved it.) I switched from my close-to-dead Motorazr with no Internet capabilities to a beautiful Samsung Instinct, a touchscreen with amazing Internet capabilities.


June: Our computer crashed again, this time for good. I had to switch to glasses for good, when I threw my last pair of contacts out and didn't have extra money to order new ones. I decided to keep the glasses.

July: My mom and I took my twin cousins to The Pier for the fireworks show on the Fourth of July. We gave my grandparents a 50th Anniversary party but ended up getting rained out. I also found out I would get a deferment until October 30th for my tuition and my Bright Futures scholarship had been reinstated.


August: Mom and I had a 5-day staycation at the beginning of August. We relaxed at home, mainly, and took a day trip to Orlando to go to Sea World. My mom and I started apartment hunting. My hours at work changed from 11am-6pm to 7am-1pm. I spent one paycheck this month paying off my tuition and the other on a new computer. Registered for classes for fall. I started this blog. I started fall semester.


September: My mom and I moved into our new, much less expensive apartment. I learned there was no "free" Internet connection. I had a three-way phone conversation with two lovely blog friends. I battled with school stress. I started to take blogging much more seriously. My nephew turned 1. I scheduled more in-person interviews this month than I ever have before. (Two.) I tried to lose weight.


October: I joined Weight Watchers, again. My grandma got a PET scan, which turned up clear, marking an entire year she's been cancer-free. I debated between glasses or contacts, long hair or short hair, Spark People or Weight Watchers. We got Internet installed.


November: I started blogging through my years in school. I tried my hand at NaNoWriMo, and failed miserably. I was offered an internship for the next semester. I lost my cell phone. I had my eyebrows waxed for the first time in my life. I lost 5 pounds. I managed to run/walk in a 10K on Thanksgiving. I turned 22. I got my hair cut and colored for this first time since March and July, respectively.


December: I finished classes for fall semester, ending with 3 A's and a B+. The internship I was offered was approved by my university. I decided to stop attending Weight Watchers until January. I bought tons of Christmas presents and actually had money to do it this year, as opposed to my jobless state last year. My mom bought me an iPod Touch for Christmas, among tons of other fun "toys".


(via The Bobby Pin)

Another Successful Christmas

Warning: This post is heavy on the photo's and heavy on materialism.

I always wake up Christmas Day with an excited feeling in the pit of my stomach. These past two days, it seems as if the night has just gone on and on and on. I mean, only days before Christmas does one look at the clock and think, "It's only 3:30?" I love the excitement and anticipation I feel around Christmastime. I saw so many tweets and Facebook statuses downplaying the excitement of Christmas, and so many people who didn't get into the spirit. I don't understand this, since it's never happened to me.

If I ever lose my childlike excitement over Christmas, I don't know what I'd do.

Therefore, I bring you Christmas! My mom outdid herself this year! (And I didn't do too shabby myself!)

Christmas came early with presents from the two girls I work with in my classroom:

A new planner from Stephani and portable scent-maker from Brittany. I love both presents a lot!
And then came the presents from my mom. Although I didn't get the Snuggie I wanted, I did get some very important items that I would definitely forgo the Snuggie over!


The whole series of 86 Bloomberg Place by Melody Carlson! I read the first book and I was a little taken aback at how real this series was. I found it in the Christian section but it doesn't fit the mold of any Christian chick-lit I've ever read. It's honest, raw, and real and I can't wait to read the first book over again and the other three books.


Lots o' movies for me to watch! I asked for the Bourne Trilogy last year and didn't get it. This year, I did it again and got the series! I watched the first movie with my mom last night and seriously just drooled over Matt Damon. The other two movies are seriously good with serious eye candy that I'm excited to drool over as well.

Oh, dear. I hoped. I prayed. I gave lots of hints. I even shook some packages. (OK, that's a lie. I promise, Mom!) So I was extremely surprised and excited when I opened this gift. An iPod Touch? The one thing I wanted more than anything? I'm already addicted.


Enough about me. Let's talk about my mom. Because she did pretty good in the gift department, if I do say so myself.


A beautiful, red crockpot from my brother. He actually "bought" her one when we were in middle school and she used that thing so much. I can't wait for her to use it again, to come home and smell a beautiful meal cooking, and to taste some delicious food. (And anyone who has delicious, healthy crockpot recipes are obligated to comment!)


(Don't be jealous of my awesome photography skills!) I got her this nutritional scale and it really should have been to the both of us, from Santa. I think I'll use it just as much as she will. We've both been wishing for a scale, especially when we eat spaghetti. (How in the heck do you measure 2 ounces of noodles? Impossible, without a scale.) It has a whole bunch of awesome features that I can't wait to try...er, my mom can't wait to try.

Lastly, a gift my mom wasn't expecting at all. A brand-new iPod. She has been using a piddly iPod Shuffle for the past 3 years. Sometime this year, she accidently dropped it in water and now it will barely hold a charge for longer than a day. So she constantly has to charge her iPod at night. And I thought she should upgrade to the Nano, since it would be so helpful with her running. And she deserves it!


Alas, don't worry. Dutch did not suffer. Mom bought him a Miami Dolphins collar. I bought him a little jacket that he looks so handsome in. And he also got some delicious gourmet treats that he's been devouring.


My mom and I also made way too many holiday treats. I'm so scared to step on a scale. On Wednesday, I made M&M cookies. On Christmas Eve, we made a gingerbread house. And Christmas, we made and decorated sugar cookies.

Our gingerbread house.


And our gingerbread house falling apart.


And our cookies. For once, we tried to make them look "too pretty to eat." These are much better than how we usually decorate them. I'm being serious.


And, I thought it would be interesting to vlog about the horrors of the gingerbread house. This vlog isn't one bit interesting but I thought I'd join the vlogging bandwagon. And if you make fun of me, I'll cry a lot and stop blogging. Take your pick.

And since I'm talking about videos, here's another one of my adorable nephew. I laugh every time I watch this.

Merry Christmas!

(No dogs were harmed in the making of this photo. Demeaned? Perhaps. Humiliated? Maybe. Adorable? Yes.)

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday filled with laughter and happiness. As excited as I am for Christmas to finally be here, I am loving the anticipation building up to this holiday.

Merry Christmas!

Blogging Through The Years: Fifth Grade

I'm currently blogging through my years in school. Check out Pre-School, Kindergarten, First Grade, Second Grade, Third Grade, and Fourth Grade.

In fifth grade, I started at my third new elementary school and this one was my favorite. I wish I had gone there for all of my years in school. My teacher was my favorite to date. She was very laid-back, young, and funny. She took everything lightly, never raised her voice, and was such an amazing teacher. She made my transition to a brand-new school in my last year of elementary school so much easier.

• With a new school came new friends. I definitely wasn't the popular kid nor was I the weird kid. I was more of a wallflower. I had 3 girl friends in the class: Dasha, Alisha, and Tonya. Those were my closest friends in the class, although I was basically friends with everyone. I was equal opportunity at ten! I also had a friend who lived by me named Bridgette. We ended up becoming best friends and would spend countless weeknights and weekends together.
  
  
• In January, my parents separated. While they had done this before, somehow I knew this time it was final. My mom sat me down one night and told me that we would be leaving my father and moving in with my grandparents. I was excited, because it felt like a new adventure and life with my parents was just awful. They fought all the time and it wasn't a very happy situation. So we moved in with my grandparents and my dad's mother moved in with him. (For some reason, I can't remember my dad ever living by himself. He was always mooching off someone.)
  
  
• In fifth grade, I had to take the FCAT, which is a comprehensive test everyone in Florida has to take, starting in 3rd grade. And in 4th grade, 7th grade, and 10th grade it's a test you have to pass to either go on to the next grade or graduate. (Let's not get into how ridiculous this rule is.) Anyway, when I took the test in fifth grade, for some reason I got incredibly nervous about my test results. I don't want to delve into the details but let's just say when I get very nervous about something, I get an awful stomachache. So I went home early. I don't even know why I was nervous about this test but I think it's just because how much information is pumped into our brains and how seriously my school took the test. It scared me, I guess.
  
  
• For my birthday party this year, I had a sleepover. The year prior, I had a sleepover party but only one friend came. (How sad is that?) This year, I had six friends come! It was so incredibly fun. We did each other's make-up, played hide-n-go-seek, played games, and ate lots of great food (i.e., pizza and chocolate cake.). It's the one birthday party that stands out in my mind as amazing.
  
  
• In October, all of the fifth-grades in the county began preparing for Enterprise Village. Enterprise Village is a place that we would hear about all the time when we were younger and it was such a fun experience. EV is comprised of a bunch of businesses, some local and some megabusinesses (such as McDonald's or Bank of America). One school would go at a time and I remember our day to go was November 2nd. Each class would get a handful of businesses to choose from. For each business, one person was named the "Manager" and one person was named the "Bookkeeper." Then there were 4 or 5 "Workers." I was named the Bookkeeper at McDonald's which was the prime business to be in. Needless to say, I was excited. Being the bookkeeper ended up being the boring job of crunching numbers all day. And at the end of the day, somehow I came out with a negative number. So I fibbed on the final total. (Hehe. Did I mention how much I suck at math?) During the day at EV, we were "paid" and had to use a checkbook to "shop" all around the "mall." It was such a fun experience!
  
  
• I was involved in my first car accident in fifth grade. It was in the spring, when we were living at my grandparents house. Our routine had become my mom picking me up at school and then driving to my brother's school (he was in middle school then) to pick him up. On our way there one day, a car pulled out of a side street and rammed us in the right backseat passengers side. It was dented in good. Back then, we didn't have cell phones and my mom didn't really know what to do. We got to the side of the road and the guy followed us. All I remember about him was his name was Jesus, kept saying the word "f&^%" over and over again (with an 11-year-old in the vicinity!), and was late for work. My mom just let him go and we went on our merry way. Luckily, other than some scratches, we were just fine. It was definitely a scary experience for me.
  
  
• I was a lucky kid who got to leave class 15 minutes early to be a patrol. I worked by a classroom and all I had to do was stand around, talk with my friends, and make sure nobody was beating up anybody else. Easiest. Job. EVER! But I loved it. Since I hadn't attended fourth grade at the school, I came into the "patrolling business" late when the school discovered it needed more patrols so my teacher put my name in the hat. Pretty cool, eh? (Hey! If you're eleven, it is a big honor.)
  
  
• Towards the end of the school year, my school began prepping us big time for middle school. Once a week, our guidance counselor came to speak with us about middle school for 30 minutes. It was actually fun because we got to play with locks and pretend to be going from class-to-class. I also visited a middle school with 2 other girls, but I didn't end up going there.
  
  
• In our "yearbook", we had to write what we would be doing in 2011. (Crazy! That's next year!) This is what I wrote: "I will be a veternarian and heal sick animals, and I will go to people's houses. I will have a husband and have 4 girls named April, May, Taylor, and Morgan. I will spend a lot of time with my husband and children." Dang. Four kids at 23?
  
  
• Our fifth-grade ceremony was so special to me. I was one of the presenters and gave my teacher some award. My mom and dad were front and center. (Getting along for once!) And it was just a nice culmination to my time in elementary school.
  
  

Ten on Tuesday - Holiday Edition (Vol. 8)

1. When do you put up and take down your Christmas decorations?

Putting up decorations usually depends on our financial situation. Whenever we can afford to go out and buy a tree, that's when we start decorating. It's usually the first weekend in December. I love having all the Christmas decorations to look at for the whole month and the beautiful smell of a Christmas tree to greet me when I walk through the door.

Typically, New Years Day is when we take down our Christmas tree. I find New Years Day to be so depressing. Yes, it's the start of a brand-new year but everything feels so final. Another year has past, the holidays are over, and there's not much to look forward to for awhile. A new year is exciting, don't get me wrong, but I love the holiday season so much that I hate waiting around for it for another 11 months.

2. What do you do to simplify the holiday season?

Tough question. I don't think I feel the same stress as other people do for the holidays. The biggest stress is making sure all my online orders are delivered on time (and right)! This year, I only ordered from 3 stores and have all my packages. We're pretty low-key for the holidays. We decorate, but we don't go over the top. This year, we didn't even put outside lighting. (But I do have a snowman/Santa Claus snow scene cling-on's rocking on our glass doors.) I don't attend many Christmas parties. And Christmas Day is pretty easy and relaxing, just opening gifts, spending time with family, and playing games.

3. What do you do to remind yourself and your family what the Christmas season is all about?

We don't really need to do much reminding. I know what Christmas is about and my family knows what Christmas is about. While it's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season, buying gifts and stressing out over holiday parties, I know this season is about so much more than a Christmas tree and perfectly wrapped presents. It's lovely getting and giving gifts. I'm not going to deny that. But the true meaning of Christmas is about Jesus and God sending His only Son for us, to take my sins upon His shoulders and ease me of the burden.

4. How do you spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?

Ha...I just went through this entire question in the novel I wrote yesterday: Christmas Traditions Through the Years.

5. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

I love the fact that we wait until Christmas morning to open all our presents. I love this tradition so much, I get a little sad for people when I hear they open their gifts earlier. I love the whole anticipation and excitement surrounding Christmas and gift-giving. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have any presents to open (or for someone else to open) on Christmas Day. Now, I realize Christmas is about a lot more than just the gifts but gift-giving is a big part of Christmas. You can't deny that fact!

6. Did you do the whole Santa thing growing up? What do you like/not like about continuing the tradition?

Of course! We even put out milk and cookies and one year, "Santa" wrote us a letter! Santa Claus was such a magical part of Christmas. I miss the innocence of Santa Claus. When I was in 2nd grade, I was told the truth about SC by friends in my class and was told I was a "baby" for still believing in him. It's just so incredibly sad when you find out Santa Claus isn't real, especially when your classmates have to tell you!

7. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

I love using the Nestle Tollhouse recipe for chocolate chip/M&M Christmas cookies. Yes, it's something you can make any time of year but I save this recipe for Christmas because I end up eating half the batter when I make it anyway. They are delicious!

We also make sugar cookies and cut out shapes with them. Then we decorate with icing and M&M's. Those are good but I still go back to my old favorites.

8. How do you take your egg nog?

I don't really drink egg nog. I've only had it once and it was super sweet. And since my mom doesn't like it, we never buy it. I would like to try it again so maybe I'll pick some up on my next trip to the grocery store! (And that may be your answer to the question!)

9. What is your favorite Christmas carol and why?

My mom asked me this question last weekend and honestly, I didn't have an answer for her! To be honest, there are two brand-new songs out on the radio that I just can't get enough of! "You're Here" by Francesca Battistelli and "How Many Kings" by downhere. Both have amazing messages and both are Christ-centered, which I love. I'm not really a big fan of new Christmas songs, because they're usually shallow and super boring. But these are amazing.

I do love "The Christmas Shoes" even though it makes me cry every time I hear it. As for a classic Christmas carol, probably "Away In a Manger."

10. When was the last time you had a white Christmas?

Never! I live in Florida and the past few years, we've had 80-degree Christmases. And since it's all I've ever known, it's not really a disappointment for me. We've had a few years of cold Christmases (in the fifties - and yes, that's FREEZING!) but never a white Christmas. It would be very interesting to experience a white Christmas but for now, I'm fine with having a Florida Christmas.

Christmas Traditions Through the Years

I'm someone who has never been a fan of growing up. While I don't mind change, big change that growing up brings about is not something I enjoy. I hated living on campus at college. I hated my brother moving out when I was in my senior year. And I hate how much Christmas has lost it's magic on me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still like a big kid at Christmas. I still get extremely excited, looking at all those presents under the tree. My mom still makes up stockings for my brother and me. I still have trouble falling asleep on Christmas Eve.

But it's a lot different without my brother here to share in the spirit of Christmas.

I've been seeing a lot of Christmas posts, as people celebrate early with family and friends. So I thought it would be interesting to talk about my traditions.

Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve has never been all that different than any other day in my family. My mom has tried to start traditions with my family to no avail. It's usually a day spent relaxing and then going to the Christmas Eve service at my church. This year, we're members at a new church and going to their 3pm service. My pastor kept telling us how it's his "most favorite" so I'm really excited about it!

Other than the year when I was nine, we've never opened presents on Christmas Eve. For some reason, that year, my mom and dad let us pick out two gifts. I spent so much time hemming and hawing about which present open. I was trying to decide between a smallish, rectangular package (which ended up holding 3 Baby-Sitters Club books) and a huge gift. I opened up the huge gift, which ended up being the awesome board game, Mall Madness. Basically, it's a game where you have to buy purchases from specific stores to win. It's such a fun game! My brother's gift he opened was a dart board. So while my dad and brother set up the dart board and played, my mom and I set up Mall Madness and play. I can remember this night like it was yesterday.

Anyway, I like the anticipation of Christmas Eve. When I was in sixth grade and my brother in seventh grade, we began spending the night in the same room. We would try our best to stay up the entire night, but I only ended up doing this once when we stayed the night at my uncle's house and had his plethora of movies to entertain us. Usually, we would play games and just talk. This is what I miss most. While I cherish the relationship I have with my brother now and we're a lot closer than when we were younger, I still miss this tradition. We share the same excitement and anticipation of Christmas and it was so much fun to experience Christmas Eve night with him.

Christmas Eve now is celebrated with my mom and I. As I mentioned before, we go to a Christmas Eve service at church. We don't have any traditions set in stone right now, we're still trying to discover some. Last year, we made Christmas cookies and watched a movie. This year, we're hoping to eat out at a restaurant, make Christmas cookies, and watch a Christmas movie. (Any suggestions? Other than Elf, which we already own and will be watching anyway!)

Christmas Day
Christmas Day is very laid-back. When I was younger, my brother and I would wake my parents up at 6am to open presents. When we got a little older, my mom made us wait until 7am to open presents. (Oh, the horror!) We would open presents, clean everything up, and then attempt to eat breakfast.

But let's face it: when surrounded by tons of new toys, who wants to sit down and eat breakfast?

Around two or so, the family would head over to my grandparent's house to have Christmas dinner. There, we would open more presents which always got extremely hectic and crazy. After a few hours with family, we would come home.

Christmas evening is usually extremely low-key. It's always filled with bitter disappointment and sadness as the holiday season is over. Soon, Christmas music will be off the radio, we'll have to take the Christmas tree to the trash, and take down all our ornaments and Christmas decorations. I hate Christmas evening. My mom and I usually play a board game while eating more junk. I love board games and my mom and I play them on a weekly basis. So I receive a couple on Christmas and what's more fun than playing a brand-new board game? Not much, my friends, not much.

Presents
My parents mom has never disappointed me during Christmas. (As much as I tease her about never having a Barbie Jeep, it's true!) It's the one time of year she really goes all out and buys us a lot. She wasn't the type of mom to buy us things because we wanted them. We either earned them (for good grades or good behavior) or bought them ourselves. Never did we spend $50 at the mall on the Saturday to buy stuff "just because." Birthdays were always low-key, too. We received a few presents, but nothing anything big.

But Christmas? Mom outdid herself every single year. (I'm sorry if I brag about my mom too much on this blog but she deserves all the bragging! It's all true!) We always had tons and tons of presents lying under the Christmas tree and stocked our stockings FULL.

It wasn't until I was in 8th grade and my brother was in 9th grade that my mom finally started receiving presents of her own. (My dad never gave her gifts. Not even for her birthday or their anniversary.) My brother was working then and it felt so nice to bless her with gifts.

Do you celebrate any of the same holiday traditions with your family? Do you still feel the same excitement and anticipation of Christmas as when you were a kid (like I still do!)?

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 5)

Link up at Conversion Diary, if you complete this on your blog.

One.
On Sunday, my mom ran in a half-marathon. I was so proud of her for accomplishing this and my brother and I were at the finish line to cheer her on as she crossed. It took her 2 hours and 42 minutes to complete. (Imagine running for that long!) I mean, I was proud of myself for managing to walk/run a 10K which is "only" 6 miles. A half-marathon is THIRTEEN miles. Just crazy.

My mom has really managed to turn her life around in the past 3 years. She went to a very sedentary, morbidly obese woman who had absolutely no self-esteem to a super active, fit and healthy woman who has gained self-esteem and so much more. She's become of of "those people" who loves running and exercise. (I'm still trying to get there...)

Two.
Things are not looking good for me keeping my job next semester. I gave my boss my work schedule for next semester on Wednesday and she told me she's trying to work it out but it's going to be hard. My mom and I have talked about this and we both know I have to focus on school first. Financially, we can survive on just her two paychecks. But it's really scary to think about not having an income, having three credit card payments, and really having no money of my own to spend. I'm looking into baby-sitting and freelance writing jobs but I'm not too certain I'll find anything to supplement what I would be making at this job.

On the other hand, I've seen how much freer my schedule gets without work. I won't have to try to cram everything into a small window of time. And I'll be able to give more time and effort into my internship. I've had some bad experiences with internships and I'm really nervous about starting this one and impressing my supervisors.

Three.
So my Fall 2009 grades were finally posted yesterday. And I'm not too happy. I managed 3 A's and a B+. The B+ was in a class where I had an 89.96 average. That's right, folks, I was four-tenths of a point away from an A. I also scored an A on the final and was given all of my participation points. Why, oh why, couldn't this professor bump my grade up to an A?

I'm happy with the rest of my grades, though. I had to work really hard for two of those A's! It was a long and stressful semester and the first time I've also worked 30+ hours a week while going to school full-time. I'm a smart girl but I have to work hard for my grades. It doesn't come easily or naturally for me. But I'm a hard-worker and it's always so lovely when the hard work pays off in the form of semester grades.

Four.
This week, I've become Facebook friends with three blog friends. It's quite weird because I feel as if my Facebook life is so much more different and removed from my blog life. Facebook is real-life and I use it a lot to talk about schoolwork, make plans, and complain about life. Most of my status updates are related to my Twitter updates, but in a much more detailed way. So it's weird but also extremely cool. It's kind of like seeing these people in their "real life" persona, not their blog one. I like it. Since I'm not anonymous on this blog and could definitely use a boost in my friend count (still trying to break 200!), add me as a friend. I promise I'll accept! And it'll be cool getting to know you, Facebook-wise.

Five.
Cross you fingers! I'm hoping to be completely done with my Christmas shopping on Saturday. There are a few small items I need to get for my nephew, my brother, and a friend. Those will be easy to knock out.

But I need to finish Christmas shopping for my mom. We are a family that likes to go all out during the holidays. It's the one time of year we really splurge and buy a lot of "want" items. And while I've bought my mom a few things, I am nowhere close to being done. I know what I want to get her but haven't had time (or money) to really go out and buy these things. I can't believe Christmas is a week away! Where did this holiday season go?

Six.
I honestly feel that buying candles or bath soaps for a gift exchange is taking the easy way out. Really, where's the creativity? Just because it's a group of girls exchanging gifts doesn't mean you can't use your brain and come up with something other than the boring stuff. I can't tell you how many Bath & Body Works gift baskets and Bath & Body Works candles were opened at my gift exchange at work.

It may be because I hate getting either as a present. I almost never use lotion, prefer the cheapo $4 body wash from my grocery store, hate candles, and over body spray. (I used it a lot in middle school and brings me back to places I'd rather not recall.) If you're going to get me a gift, please don't choose Bath & Body Works. I'm not into that girly-girly stuff. Just get me some chocolate. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Seven.
Sarah Lynn's from Postcards From Far Away posted a list of the "10 Smart Safety Tips for Women" that she had received in her e-mail. They weren't your average, everyday tips but some really innovative and good ideas to use if you ever find yourself in a bad position. By the time I got to the end of the list, though, I was scared good. (It also might have to do with the fact that I read the list at night, when I was home alone.)

I enjoyed her list, though, and think it's someone all women should be aware of. So go check out that post (and her blog!).

Blogging Through The Years: Fourth Grade

I'm currently blogging through my years in school. Check out: Pre-School, Kindergarten, First Grade, Second Grade, and Third Grade.


I started fourth grade in August 1997. Since we moved during third grade, I was now back at the elementary school I had attended for kindergarten and first grade. And this school was also experimenting with two teachers: having one teach reading and writing while the other taught social studies/science/math. I still didn't like this system.

• The summer before I started fourth grade, my family went on our first out-of-state trip. We drove up to Toledo, Ohio, where my dad was from for two weeks. It was exciting, although all we really did was catch up with my dad's old friends. One of his friends had built a lake behind his property and had a paddle boat so my brother and I had a blast on that. I remember a lot of boring visits to family/friends. My parents getting in awful, awful fights. And spending our last night sleeping in a trailer. Obviously, not a fun trip.
  
  
• Before school started, I had joined a cheerleading squad. I have no idea why my mom signed my brother and me up but it quickly became an awful decision. I ended up making the junior-varsity squad and cheered for a horrible football team. I think they won one game the entire season. But I was on a super competitive team with crazy coaches who wanted every girl to be at every practice, no exceptions. While cheering for our team, we also were preparing for two competitions. There was so much pressure put on us but we ended up placing third in each competition. I loved cheerleading but hated the five-days-a-week practices and having to wake up early every Saturday to cheer at a game. I was so happy when it ended!
  
  
• We had to complete major projects every month. It was supposed to prepare us for middle school but I never had to do projects with this magnitude until college. Seriously. For the most part, my mom did a majority of the work for me and I just added little things here and there. One month, we had to do a project on a specific state. We had a whole laundry list of information to complete. I picked Ohio, since it was my dad's home state. It was one of the projects I actually worked on myself (with the help of my mom). And it actually ended up being the best project in both classes. Go, me!
  
  
• In fourth grade, I ended up with two new best friends: Alicia and Tabby. Alicia was a cool chick who ate Lunchables everyday for lunch. I could count on one hand the number of times I ate a Lunchable in a year. So I was a little jealous of this fact. Tabby was a girl who lived in my neighborhood and we became best friends and worst enemies. I would sleep over at her apartment a lot, although she was super bossy and ultra-competitive. But she was Cool & Popular so I put up with it.
  
  
• We had student teachers this year. One was a very pretty lady with curly blonde hair. I don't remember much about her, though. The other was a super studly guy with dark brown hair. (For some reason, I picture Freddie Prinze, Jr. when I think of him.) Basically, all the girls fell in love with him. I remember him a lot better than my lady intern. I also remember him being our waiter at Olive Garden one time and wondering why he wasn't teaching. (This was in the summer.) I thought he had given up on the profession and felt sad for him.
  
  
• Every week, our teachers would name a "TerrifiKid of the Week." Many students got this award a few times a year. When I was finally named the TKOTW, I was so excited! I went to the ceremony, where I first learned my last name was German. And I got a certificate, pencil, and a bag of popcorn which was probably gross but ten-year-old Stephany loved it. The sad part is, I ended up leaving the popcorn in my desk and when I got into my mom's car, I begged her to let me go back and get it but she refused. (Aww, Mom!)
  
  
• Everyday after lunch, both classes would come back to the room and my afternoon teacher would read us a chapter from a book. The rooms were connected by a sliding panel, which we usually opened when we changed rooms. And my teacher was obsessed (I mean, obsessed) with Roald Dahl. I swear we read every single one of his books that year. I wasn't a big fan, preferring The Baby-Sitters Club and Sweet Valley High to his books. (My taste in books still run pretty cheesy and easy to read.)
  
  
• During fourth grade, I started experiencing major problems with my eyesight. It had never bothered me before up until this year. My mom finally made me an appointment to see an eye doctor where it was confirmed that I would need glasses. I was excited, though. Going from barely-being-able-to-see-the-board-from-the-front-row to crystal clear images is good news for everyone! Plus, I was excited about my glasses! Oh, I also started wearing deodorant this year. 'Nuff said.
  
  
• Towards the end of fourth grade, my family was evicted from our apartment and we moved from a three-bedroom apartment to a three-bedroom mobile home. It was located in a mobile home park. I want to stress the fact that it was not a trailer park. The mobile home was quite nice and fairly large. I wasn't excited about moving though, but my parents pulled a fast one and kept my brother and me at our old school. Yay!
  
  
• Sometime in fourth grade, my mom, brother, and I spent a week at a hotel. We were given a timeshare and had to use it so even though we could only use it at night (my mom wasn't able to get off work that week) it was still very cool. I remember swimming in the pool after school and the adventures with our car. Basically, it was a new car that looked cool but stalled all. the. time. It seriously took us 15 minutes just to pull out of a parking spot because it stalled so much! (At the time, my brother and I found this hysterical. Mom - not so much.) For some reason, my dad didn't come with us.
  

Cheated Out of a Father

A few weeks ago, I was walking through an aisle in the grocery store where I witnessed a father-son interaction. After everything I've been through with my dad, I always find it interesting to watch interactions between fathers and their kids. I have to admit, though, most of the fathers I see have very little patience with their kids. This was especially true with my dad, to an extreme.

The father was on one side of the aisle and the child on the other. While the father was sniffing candles, the child was playing with a display. And the kid accidentally knocked down one of the items on the display. He quickly picked it up and put it back but I was more interested in the father's response.

From my own personal experiences, I expected a sharp reprimand and a look of sadness on the child's face.

Instead, the father looked over at his son, gave a low chuckle, and motioned for his son to follow him. No reprimand, no look of sadness on the child's face.

Honestly, I was astounded - and a little choked up. Never in my life could I ever imagine my father doing this. He was a man who was long on discipline and short on love. (At least, this is the way it felt to me.)

And I just feel so cheated out of having a father. I feel cheated out of knowing a father's unconditional love and approval. Who knows what type of life I would be leading today if I had a father who loved and supported me in every aspect of my life? Who wasn't a convicted felon?

It's so easy to get caught in the what if's, especially when life isn't working out the way you imagined it. I could imagine what my life would be like with a great father, but it's such a moot point. There's a reason God gave me this father in my life. There's a reason I've had to deal with such heartache and pain when it comes to him. I don't know why but it has made me a stronger person. And it's made me a person who is not going to settle for a relationship where a guy doesn't show his love and appreciation for me. I saw how my dad treated my mother. I saw how he belittled her, threatened her, and beat up on her. I saw how long it took my mom to break out of this shell my dad placed her in to become the woman she is today. That's not going to be me.

I am not settling for a relationship like my mom had. I want a man who is going to be there for me on my worst days and on my best days. I want a man who is going to treat me with dignity and respect. I want a man who brings out the best in me. I want a man who is going to be the best father to my children, who loves them unconditionally, no matter if they score the winning soccer goal or fail to hit the ball once in a baseball game. (And all of this goes hand-in-hand for how I need to treat my future husband as well.)

And when God gave my a father like my deadbeat one, he also gave me a mother who surpasses all expectations. She is the most unselfish, giving, and loving person I've ever met. She has given up so much for my brother and me and has shown me time and time again, what it's like to fall down, brush yourself off, get up, and perservere. She has evolved into my best friend and someone I would be lost without. My mom more than makes up for my father.

Ten on Tuesday (vol. 7)

Answer the questions in the comments, comment on any of my answers, do your own on your blog...whatever! Just check out Chelsea's blog...because she's very cool. And a billion times funnier than me.

Also...she's hosting a giveaway this week! I want to win it but I can share the wealth. (Plus, it gives me an extra vote!) She is giving this purse away and I think it's just about the cutest thing ever! Click on over to her site to enter the giveaway - it ends on Wednesday!

There's also another giveaway ending at 6pm TONIGHT and it's too awesome to pass up! Click on over to Money Saving Mom to enter her giveaway: a chance to win one of five $100 gift cards! And the best part is you can choose which store to choose from a long list of options! She has five different ways you can enter and will announce the winner tomorrow.


1. If you could change anything about your physical appearance, what would it be?

Definitely my weight! I wish it didn't take so much work for me to be thin, though! I keep trying and trying and failing and failing. Living a healthy lifestyle is so hard after living years and years of an unhealthy one. I'm changing my entire lifestyle and it's not easy at all. I feel like taking those "Eat anything, don't exercise, and lose 20 pounds in 3 months" type of pills. But I don't trust them.

2. Is there a habit in others that you find annoying?

Oh, so many! I don't like rude people, especially. People who don't say "thank you", let the door slam in your face, cut you off in traffic. It bugs me a lot.

3. What is your favorite recipe using ground beef?

A type of Shepherd's Pie. One thing you should know about me is that I don't cook. I'm not a big fan of cooking, although I wish I was. But this is a recipe my dad would make, using ground beef, mashed potatoes, yellow corn, and chicken gravy. Just cook it all up and then pile it all on starting with the potatoes at the bottom, beef on top of that, and then corn on top of that. Then drizzle the whole thing with gravy. So good, so filling! And it tastes a million times better as a leftover.

4. What was your favorite book as a kid?

I loved The Baby-Sitters Club series. I was never actually a baby-sitter, nor did I want to be. But I loved all of their stories and their close-knit friendships. In fourth grade, I even bought The Complete Guide to the Baby-Sitters Club that listed anything and everything that happened in the whole series - from the baby-sitter's family themselves to the kids they watched to their experiences. It also included a map of Stoneybrook, their neighborhood. It was probably 200+ pages of information and I read my first copy so much, my mom had to buy me a new one. But I loved this series so much.

5. Did you work as a teenager and if so, where?

I worked for 2 months at Panera Bread where I just washed dishes and cleaned up the restaurant. It was an awful job and I hated every second of it. Then, I got accepted at a charter high school where I took college classes that gave me high school credit as well. So I stopped working until the summer before I left for college. I worked at a movie theatre from May 2006-July 2006 and it was such a fun but hard job. I did get free movies, though!

6. Did you work while in college and if so, where?

Yes, I'm working now. During my first year, I worked for a few months at my school's bookstore where I worked in textbooks. I loved doing buybacks and had so much fun doing that. When I came back home in May 2007, I started working for a pre-school. I worked there until March 2008 when I had to quit due to a huge school workload.

The summer of 2008, I worked as an office assistant at a print shop. It was probably, hands down, the easiest job I ever had. Mainly, since my boss was also a teacher, he needed me to be there during office hours in case anyone called or came in. I miss that job but I was laid off when business slowed way down.

I started at my current job in February and I just hope my next semester doesn't overwhelm me too much, because it's going to be crazy.

7. When you go to sleep do you like total darkness or semi? When you go to sleep do you need quiet or is some noise OK?

If I'm tired enough, I can sleep in anything. I like the quiet, though, when I need to sleep. In sixth grade, I suffered from awful insomnia and the only way I could fall asleep was by having a CD playing and reading a book on the floor. Once I fell asleep, I would usually wake up in the middle of the night and transfer onto my bed.

8. When doing laundry, fabric softener or not?

We use Tide that already has the fabric softener included. I don't really know the benefits from using and not using, other than having softer clothes? (Does it really make that much of a difference? Inquiring minds want to know!)

9. Open-toed or closed-toed shoes?

Either. I don't really care. The problem I have with flats, though, is it hurts the arch of my foot a lot if I wear them too much. It feels as if the skin of my foot is stretched as thin as it can get and it's breaking apart. It hurts so much. I think I have a problem with my arch, although it hasn't bugged me too much to get it checked out. (Plus, no insurance, yo!)

10. Would you rather be blind or deaf?

Honestly, I hate this question. NEITHER!

11. Dangle or stud earrings?

Stud earrings, although I barely ever wear earrings. My ears are very sensitive so I can only wear real gold or silver in my ears, or else they get super irritated. Problem is, cubic zirconia is a lot cheaper than real gold earrings. So I don't wear earrings much. I might buy a pair for a fancy night out, wear them, and realize how much I hate wearing jewelry. Because I do.

(I swear, all those Christmas jewelry commercials upset me. I would not be happy if my boy got me a necklace for Christmas. It's not my style.)

12. Bottled water or tap?

Bottled, always. And I'm also very picky on my bottled water. I don't like the metallic taste of Dasani or Aquafina so I'm a big Zephyrhills drinker. I also love Evian but it's so expensive!

13. What do you put on pancakes?

Maple syrup, and if I'm being bad, butter. Oh, butter on pancakes is so delicious!

14. On a long trip, would you rather drive or fly?

I've actually never flown on an airplane. No lie. I've gone 22 years of my life and have never been on an airplane. I've taken many long road trips to places but I would love to fly on an airplane someday. (Plus, if Mom and I are going to be contestants on The Amazing Race, we have got to get familiar with flying!)

Anyway, my answer to this question would be flying, since I've never done it!

15. Do you prefer classic old movies or new?

I don't watch too many classic old movies. I like newer stuff, especially newer remakes. There's just so many better special effects and better acting. Then again, the simplicity of a classic movie can't be beat!

On Purity

I've stuggled with writing this blog post and this is probably the third or fourth time I've tried to write this. But after reading two blog posts related, in a way, to this on Steph's blog, I really felt God laying this on my heart.

I don't want this to come off as judgmental to anyone who doesn't agree with my views. If you don't, that's alright. But this is what I believe about what purity is - and what purity isn't.

Purity isn't saving your virginity for marriage. That's a personal decision. And plenty of people make this decision, based on morals, religion, and choice. I feel that saving oneself for marriage has become a game for some people. A game of how far can I go to do everything but lose my virginity?

That's not purity.

Purity involves more than just the physical body. It involves the emotions and mental processes as well. What you put in your mind is probably the most important aspect of purity, more so than what you do with your body. I have seen this so much in my own life. When I read secular novels glorifying casual sex and worldly possessions, watch television shows and movies with racy humor, and listen to music with messages of one-night stands and partying, it becomes so much harder for me to remain pure. I stop reading my Bible as much, rely on myself more than God, and my mind begins to accept these actions as OK.

And it's not.

Purity means being pure in body, mind, and spirit. It's not an easy process and not something I have mastered. But I have found that to be pure, we have to live pure. It means getting rid of books and music and TV shows that glorify impure behavior. It means to set ourselves apart from the world. It means to stop compromising and looking for gray areas.

I'm so sick of living a mediocre life. And I don't want to have a mediocre relationship with God. All too often, I see people (and I'm also guilty for doing the same) putting God in a box and not fully living the free life He designed for us. We don't realize how much more God desires for us. I want to be a girl who lives my life solely for God's approval and not for the world's. I want to be a girl whose life shines with Christ's light. I want to be the girl who has "it" - and I want that "it" to be Jesus Christ.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 4)

Link up at Conversion Diary if you complete this on your own blog! (And you should because it's kinda fun!)

One.
Well, I am completely (COMPLETELY!) done with classes for this semester. I think I did good in my classes but I won't be sure until next week. I am so excited to have everything finished and I'm so ready for a break! I sold back my books on Tuesday and made $39! I was shooting for $50 but anything is good. (Side note: I worked for my school bookstore in 2006 and I remember how rude and ungrateful people could be when selling back their books. Be happy with any money you get - we could refuse to buy any books back! 'Kay?)

Two.
In reality TV news: I was super happy Megan and Cheyne won The Amazing Race. They were such a strong and awesome couple, even if they did look like brother and sister. And they didn't yell/scream/fight with each other. Although I know if I was on that race, I would be one of those people I hate. I don't do well under pressure.

With Biggest Loser, I was happy. All three final contestants looked fantastic but I seriously think Antoine stole the show. Not only with his proposal, but also with how HOT he looked! He almost made me cry with his good looks. Also, Rebecca annoyed me with her ugly hair, too-skinny body, horrific dressing, constant touching of Daniel, and weird hugs. I liked her on the show, was a little annoyed with her on Jay Leno, and completely didn't like her on the finale. She seems to have gained a little too much self-esteem, bordering on egotistical.

Three.
In other school news, my university approved my internship for next semester! I'm really excited about it because it's not an internship I ever thought of taking and more about marketing and media than writing. But I think it's going to be an amazing opportunity and challenge me in ways I've never been challenged. And I'm really excited this will take care of my internship credit and clear up my last semester to finish up required classes. It's going to be a very, very busy semester for me, though.

Four.
I made a bad decision this week. I know most of you won't approve. I don't feel good about it but then again, I do. I feel good in a guilty way, I guess. After the Thanksgiving holidays, I've had such a hard time getting back on track. It's been a struggle so I've decided to wait until January to start back fresh. Yes, it's taking the easy way out. And it's going to be hard with my new schedule to adjust but I have to. I have to get serious but this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever.

Five.
Tonight is my work's Christmas party. I'm actually really excited about it. I bought a really cute shirt and I'm still deciding whether to wear them with jeans or dress pants. I think the dress pants will look better. I'm not planning on drinking too much, mainly because I'm not a big fan of alcohol. But I am planning on eating a lot.

Six.
"Do the dance to get the hug." My pastor spoke on this this past Sunday. He talked about how we have to "perform" for some people to receive their approval. The examples he was giving us totally reminded me of my father. My mom? Not so much. It feels so great to know I don't have to do anything to receive a hug, or love, from my mom. Just being me is enough.

And it's the same with God! There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more - or love us less. Isn't that just amazing? He also talked about becoming closer to God. There are tons and tons of books about becoming closer to God. But honestly? Believing in His death and resurrection, believing in Him, is as close as we will get to God. We don't have to do anything to get closer to God. I do believe we can know God better, though.

Seven.
I've gotten a lot of Christmas shopping done this week. It's really nice to have money to spend this year! Last year, I wasn't working and had about $20 on 3 credit cards. I had to spread myself very thin. (And since I'm not crafty at all, making homemade gifts is not in the cards.) And who doesn't love buying Christmas presents? I know I do.

Blogging Through The Years: Third Grade

I'm currently blogging through my years in school. Check out Pre-School, Kindergarten, First Grade, and Second Grade.


I started third grade in August 1996. I was at the same school and in the same program with two teachers, one teaching reading/writing and the other math/science/social studies. I wasn't too impressed with these teachers. I don't remember connecting with either on any type of level. And since I was always the Teacher's Pet, this is saying something.

Bullet points, because it looks neater:

• Third grade was the first year actually having a group of friends. My best friend up until that point was a girl named Jenny that lived next-door to me. She had an older brother so the four of us (me, my brother, Jenny, and her brother) would hang out a lot. Anyway, this year I had a group of three friends: Meghan, Asia, and Heather. Meghan lived close to me so I slept over at her house a lot. Asia came in halfway into the school year and I just remember the entire class getting excited about her being there. She was a Popular Kid and somehow, she ended up in my circle of friends. Heather was a girl that was just crazy. She had a really screwed-up home life and once, while all four of us were gathered in the bathroom before school, she gave out a gasp and asked what day it was. We told her and she said, "Oh, my God! My parents died yesterday!" We totally didn't believe her because a.) why would she be at school? and b.) why wouldn't she remember this happening yesterday? I would really like to know what she's like today.
  
  
• I started reading series books this year, such as The Baby-Sitter's Club and Sweet Valley Twins. My friends and I went nuts, trying to read all the books and we also decided on which "baby-sitter" we were. I was Stacey, the "sophisticated" one.
  
  
• Midway through the year, we moved. This became the first of many, many moves in my life. We moved because we were living in a small, 2-bedroom apartment. My parents wanted my brother and me to have separate rooms, plus we had major flooding issues that the apartment management didn't seem concerned about. So we moved to a nice, three-bedroom apartment in Clearwater. Honestly, I still have fond memories of this apartment. My brother and I stayed at the same school for the rest of the year, mainly because my parents were cool and didn't change our address with the school system. (Hehehe!)
  
  
• Every kid in third-, fourth-, and fifth-grade had to make a science project. And I'm talking about big, trifold board and everything. My mom had two kids who needed to have projects done. So we did one project, something involving volcanoes. All I remember is baking soda and a soda bottle. My mom put the whole thing together. And my friend Meghan "forgot" to do her's and made me write her name on my board, as if we did it together. Anyway, our project didn't win and I learned absolutely nothing.
  
  
• There was a student in my class who missed an entire week of school. Before he came back, my teacher told us that the kid's mom had passed away. I was shocked because I had never been close to death before. Death hadn't really touched my life in any way. I didn't know how to act towards him. His mom had died. I couldn't imagine losing my mother and felt so incredibly sad for him.
  
  
• I don't remember much about my afternoon teacher. My morning teacher was a real matronly woman who was sweet and kind. My afternoon teacher was morbidly obese and spent about 80% of the classtime behind her desk. The only time I really remember her teaching is during a science lesson. That's really sad.
  
  
• We had a post office in the middle of our school. Third-graders were the only ones around to work in it. Kids could write letters to anyone in the school. Each class had a certain time they could come to the post office and the workers would put stamps on them and file them. And then we would deliver to them to the classes. It was the best experience of third grade. I loved working in the post office. It was so much fun! I have no idea why my school had this post office and I never sent a letter to anyone, but it was a great experience nonetheless.
  
  
• Our music teacher decided that she would teach us how to play the recorder. We had to buy one if we wanted to participate and would have a 30-minute lesson after our music class. I begged my parents to buy me one and they did. We searched forever for the perfect recorder and I was so excited to go to my first lesson. Until I came back from my lesson to find out those 30 minutes are a free period for my friends. Basically, they got to hang out and play for that time. I was jealous. And never went back to lessons again. (Yes, I'm aware this makes me lame.)
  
  
• I got an awful haircut this year. Basically, it was a mullet. My hairdresser made a huge mistake and when I got to school my best friend laughed at me. Not the best experience of my life.
  

Reactivating a Fear

I was fifteen the first time I ever rode a roller coaster.

I had plenty of opportunities to ride one when I was younger. I lived less than a half hour away from a major theme park and went to Disney World at least once a year. My brother was riding roller coaster the minute he was tall enough. And my mom was happy to accompany him.

My dad, on the other hand, couldn't stand them. He hated the way they turned his stomach so I was content to wait with him while my brother and my mom rode as many roller coasters as they could.

I went on a field trip when I was in ninth grade. My friends were all so excited to ride all the rides and I made my best friend promise to force me to go on a roller coaster. No matter what I did or said, I had to ride a roller coaster. I had to find out if I liked them. And I had to face one of my biggest fears.

So I did it. I rode the roller coaster. I was scared to death. I closed my eyes the entire time and I don't think I breathed the entire time. At the end, I thought, "That's it? It's over?"

Truth was, I loved the roller coaster. It was so exhilarating and fun! I couldn't believe I had wasted so many years being scared of something so exciting.

After riding that first roller coaster, I was hooked! I went on 3 more roller coasters after that and couldn't wait to try out the coasters at Busch Gardens. I'm still not a big fan of drops, which is the main reason I haven't tried Sheikra. I couldn't handle that drop!



No, this isn't a post about how I faced my fears, conquered it, and went on to face the rest of my fears. This post is about how I've seemed to reactivated my fears.

I don't think it's an irrational fear because I'm sure many people have the same problem: the fear of falling out of the roller coaster and plunging to my death.

A few years ago, I had gotten onto a coaster and strapped myself in. Well, I thought I had. When the technician came around to check my straps, I hadn't. The belt hadn't been clipped in. Of course, he fixed it and, obviously, I didn't end up falling out and plunging to my death. But ever since then, I've had this fear of falling out of the coaster.

I spend my time waiting in line, not worrying about the twists and turns and drops on the ride but whether or not I will live to see the next day. When I get on a ride, I spend those 2 minutes or so, clipping in the buckle, pulling down the harness, and pulling on both like crazy to make sure they are keeping me nice and tight.

I make sure my heart is right with God. I ask Him to forgive me of all my sins and I barter with Him of everything I will do if I survive this ride.

Once the ride starts, my heart drops and my palms start sweating. It's such an awful feeling, not knowing if something will happen to the ride and you'll die. I know this is normal but it just gets me thinking, is it even really worth it? Is it worth it to worry and get scared to death like this for a 30-second ride?

Sometimes, I think not.