Fit Fridays: Well, I Lied

(Yep. I changed the name of this weekly feature. Go with it.)

Remember two weeks ago, when I said I was going to lose weight on my own by becoming a healthier person? And I was going to take small steps but didn't feel like counting calories? Remember that?

Well, I lied.

Because after a week and a half of doing absolutely nothing right and feeling like an absolute failure and waste of space, I woke up bright and early on Sunday morning to attend a Weight Watchers meeting.

My mom had decided, after gaining some of her weight back over the holidays, decided she had to go back because it's a program that works. And as I sat on my couch on Saturday, drinking my second can of Coke before 2 p.m., I knew I needed a kick in the pants. I needed something that would give me the motivation I needed to lose weight and learn how to eat healthier.

And when I thought about it, there has been one time in my life where I have been successful at weight loss. It was in 2007 and I was attending Weight Watchers. I lost 20 pounds, dropped from a size 8 to a size 2, and felt so great about myself.

Amber also left a comment on that blog posting that stuck with me. She said: "You know, it takes TIME to make those healthy habits stick. When I first lost weight in the spring of 2008 I did it by counting calories. It's just now, almost 2 years later, that I'm finally at a place where I can eat intuitively and not have to worry about tracking all my food!" And she's right. It does take time and if I knew how to do it on my own, I wouldn't find myself in this position.

So I'm back and I'm not going to worry about all the other times I've failed. I'm going to focus on this time. My mom re-joined, too, and we're both on board with eating healthier, being more active, and supporting each other. I'm not going to beat myself up if I have a bad day or even a bad week. This time will be different.

It's funny but this week I have felt the most in control of my eating habits this week, more than I ever have this entire year. I feel more on track now that I have to count every morsel of food that goes into my mouth and exercise regularly. I've been drinking more water than I ever have and eating pretty well. Not perfect, but better than before. So I guess this is what I needed to kick-start my new, healthy life.

It's going to work this time. It has to.

Letters to My Future Husband: Hello, My Love

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Hello, my love,

This is my first letter to you. I never really thought anything of writing a letter to you, my future husband, until my friend Anisah's wedding. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and remember her giving a journal to her brother with a note right before the ceremony. In the journal were letters upon letters to him that she had been writing for years.

I can't imagine what his thoughts were when he read those letters, written by the hand of a teenager caught up in figuring out who she was, where her place in the world belonged, and who she would one day give her heart to.

And so I'm writing you this letter. Right now, at the moment in my life, I have no idea who you are. I have no idea if I've met you or if you're some stranger I will one day come in contact with. I have no idea if you live in Florida or somewhere foreign. I have no idea if you know Jesus or if you're an atheist.

It's exciting, thrilling, and scary. We haven't even begun our love story yet and I think about you on a daily basis. I wonder what we will fight about and what our home will be like. I wonder about the look on your face when I walk down the aisle in a beautiful, white wedding gown. I wonder if we'll fight to save our marriage if things get rocky...or if we'll forget the reason we fell in love in the first place.

Do know this, dear husband. I love you. I love you to my very core. I love the man you will one day be, the man I will stand beside and respect.

I'm nowhere near the woman God has called me to be. I have major sins and major faults that I need to take care of. I don't think I'm ready for you yet. But I am waiting for you and I am holding on to my romantic, albeit naive heart, knowing I will give it to you one day, fully trusting you to keep it safe.

I love you.

Your future wife,
Stephany

What a Week!

Last week was crazy. CRAZY! I really don't want to have to live through another week like that ever again. It was jus too insane.

Anyway, here's some of the "fun" that happened this week.

I missed you guys!
Taking a break from blogging was exactly what I needed for this week but I missed it more than I thought I would. I missed writing my blog posts, publishing them, and checking my phone a million times a day to see if anyone had commented. I missed reading blogs and commenting. So I'm super stoked to be back and hopefully, I won't have another week as crazy as this one was.

Also, I changed my layout this weekend and for some reason, Disqus has not been working for me. I cannot get any comments to show up. I've probably run through their installation system 10 times to get comments to show up to no avail. I sent a service request so we'll see what happens. Right now, I'm back to the old Blogger commenting system. (But no word verification! See? I'm nice!) I'm just really confused and annoyed by all of this.

My "dad" wrote back.
I got a message on my phone on Friday, while I was over at my brother's. The good thing is, I read the e-mail out loud while my brother and my mom listened. So I'm really glad I didn't have to read that e-mail alone. Because it was an awful e-mail. Once again, he took no responsibility and laid it all back on my shoulders. He told me to stop using him as a "crutch" for why I cannot have a good relationship with a guy, tried to take credit for raising me (the way my brother and I turned out had to do 75% of US and 25% of my mom. 0% of him. We turned out the way we are IN SPITE of him), and didn't once say "I love you" or "I'm sorry." Oh, and he also talked about the great relationship he had with my mom. (Go ahead, laugh. I did!)

I have plans to write him back and the e-mail I write back to him will not be anywhere near as nice. I tried to leave the door open for him to have a relationship with me and he firmly shut the door in my face. I'm giddy with excitement of everything I'm going to write to him. No sugarcoating and no sweetness is going into this letter. It's going to be blunt, mean, and scathing. I just want to give myself a few days to calm down from the e-mail so I know exactly what I want to say.

And after that e-mail, it will be over. I'm done. I'm fed up with him and his lack of responsibility. And I'm just tired of it all.

A project, a paper, and a monster test.
This week was, by far, one of the busiest I've ever experienced. And I know it doesn't seem like a lot. I know I've had more due in one week but none of this caliber. The project took hours to complete, using InDesign, a program I've never had any experience with until a few weeks ago. So my designs feel like kindergarten scribble compared to some of my other classmates. And I got the extreme pleasure of having my newspaper frontpage critiqued by my professor and classmates. Luckily, the critique wasn't as bad as I expected and I do get to fix my mistakes and resubmit the project.

The paper, with which I did 4 live interviews and 2 e-mail interviews for, was probably one of the worst I've written. I wrote it in under an hour and was just trying to get it done, somewhat edited, and sent by Tuesday night. It was for my News Editing class and the head of the journalism department is my professor. Needless to say, I'm pretty certain he wasn't all too impressed with it.

The monster test took up most of my week. I spent the weekend looking through the study guide and finding the answers and then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday night studying my notes. And I'm a terrible studier. I just can't sit there and study for hours and hours. So I headed into Thursday (test day) very uncertain of my study materials. I ended up taking Thursday morning off work and met with a friend from class before the test where we studied together for 2 hours. And it was SO helpful! I realized I knew a lot more than I previously thought and ended up going into the test feeling very positive. And I think I did better than expected on the exam.

Exhaustion and sickness.
I ended up catching some kind of bug starting on Sunday. It started with a scratchy throat which morphed into an annoying sore throat. Then I got the snifflies and a cough. The sickness was bad enough. But let's add in exhaustion. Extreme exhaustion. Exhaustion where I'm a little frightened to drive because I don't know if I can keep my eyes open. I think my tiredness had to do with the 4-5 hours of sleep I was getting a night, the bug, and just feeling completely worn out and run down.

There were so many days I just wanted to come home and sleep for hours. But I couldn't and drank way too much Coke to try to keep me awake. (I'm more of a Coke girl than a coffee girl when it comes to caffeine.)

Joining the Bandwagon

Next week is going to be crazy. I'll spend most of my week doing these four things:

























It's going to be crazy, busy, stressful, and a whirlwind. I have so much to do, including:

• Designing a newspaper front that has to be spectacular, since my other projects have fizzled badly.
• A big, monster law exam on Thursday for which I've never even opened the book for. (Oops?)
• A news-worthy story to write. I need to do loads of interviews for this and just figured out my topic yesterday. (By the way, have you or someone you know ever found out they had breast cancer due to a self-exam or mammogram, done before the age of 50? It would be SUCH a help if you could help me with this.)
• Finally open my textbooks and do my assigned readings. (Yes, I know. I'm a slacker.)
• Prepare for my graded in-class editing assignment and quiz on Wednesday.

So, I'll be away from blogging for a while. I'm hoping to be back by next Monday and I'm going to try to keep up with reading blogs, but I can't promise anything.

Anyway, I'm coming up on my 100th post. (Crazy!) And I know I should do something big and major for it. Since I'm a poor, college student barely making enough to afford a Target shopping trip every other week, a giveaway is not in the budget. (Sorry, I suck. I know.)

Instead, I'll be joining the Q&A bandwagon. Ask me anything you want in the comments and I'll answer them in my 100th post. This post is going to be up for a while so come back and ask me more questions if you want! (I've always worried that I would get, like, 3 questions if I ever made one of these posts. So please ask me questions and ease my worries!)

Ask, ask, ask!

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Trim Thursdays (Vol. 1)

A few weeks ago, I started a weight loss blog. And then I found out how hard it is to maintain two blogs. (And for anyone who can do this, I applaud you.) So I'm in the process of shutting down that blog and have introduced Trim Thursdays here at Stephany Writes! Catchy, huh? (No?)

Anyway, I want to talk a little about my approach to weight loss this time around. In the past I've tried a few different diets. I've tried the old-fashioned way of counting calories and exercising, which lasted for a few weeks. I've tried the Slim Fast diet but I could never stomach the shakes. They just taste plain nasty to me! And I've tried Weight Watchers, something I was fairly successful at.

In 2007, I tried a combination of counting calories and Weight Watchers and lost close to 20 pounds in 6 months. But when my schedule got super busy and chaotic, all my weight loss goals fell to the wayside and I gained those 20 pounds back - plus some more!

To say the least, I'm a little fed-up with dieting. I'm sick and tired of following some diet regime and failing after a few weeks. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore.

So I'm taking a different approach to my weight loss this time around.

I'm not counting calories. I'm counting exercise points. I'm not writing down every little thing I put in my mouth. I'm not joining a weight loss support group. I'm not restricting myself.

I'm choosing instead to live a healthier lifestyle. And while I'm not trying to fault anyone who is doing the above, it's just not for me. I've been there, I've done that, and I've failed miserably. Instead, I'm just going to think like a healthy person.

I'm going to watch what I put in my mouth and start cooking and preparing more healthier foods. I'm going to see what foods fuel me through the day and which ones leave me lethargic and sleepy by mid-afternoon. I'm going to incorporate more water, more fruits, more veggies, and more lean protein in my diet. I'm going to stay away as best I can from soda, greasy chips, and sugary foods.

I'm going to aim for 3-4 days of exercise, at least to start with. I'm going to train for a 5K and start lifting weights. I'm going to run a few races this year and prepare to run a half-marathon in 2011. I'm going to stop making excuses of why I can't exercise and just get out there and do it! Because I know I'll feel better if I do.

I'm going to stop weighing myself every week. Once a month, I'll step on the scale to weigh myself. And losing even a pound will be considered a victory - because that's one pound I didn't gain that month.

My weight loss will be slow. It won't come off like a Biggest Loser contestant. It may take them one week to lose 10 pounds, and it may take me 5 months to lose 10 pounds. But this is my weight loss and my approach to healthy living.

While the weight loss is great, I just want to be healthier. I want to feel lighter and more fit. If I'm 10 pounds overweight but can run a 5K in under 30 minutes, that means so much more to me than weight loss.

It's a different approach, and maybe one you're not taking. But I think it's the only way I can be happy with myself, my life, and my body if I do it this way.

Trivial Points

Last week, I blogged about my non-negotiables for my future husband, things I'm not willing to compromise on. And I read through my comments and Chelsea made a really good point that made me change my mind about one of my NN. Click here to find out what it was and what I changed it to! (How's that for a teaser!)

Today, I want to talk about my trivial points. These are things that I would like my future husband to have, but if he doesn't, it's not a big deal. I'm willing to compromise with these.

Trivial Point #1: I want my future husband to like football.
Last week, this was a Non-Negotiable. But then Chelsea commented about how her husband didn't share her extreme love for baseball but has seen how important the sport is for her so he has attempted to get more involved with the sport. And I totally see her point, which is why I changed this one. While I do want my husband to like football, if he can at least understand why I like it and maybe even attempt to get into the sport as well, then that's all I can ask for. And if he does like baseball, so be it. I'll learn to like it, too!

Trivial Point #2: I want my future husband to love cooking.
I am not a cook. I don't like it and I'm not very good at it. I hate standing on my feet for too long, hate chopping up vegetables, and hate the pressure of making sure my meat is cooked thoroughly. My dad was a cook. He loved it and he was good at it. I want my husband to like to cook, just so I don't have to. But, hey, if he doesn't, it just means we'll be eating out a lot! And I love eating out!

Trivial Point #3: I want my future husband to be a dog lover.
I love dogs. I'm seriously 100%, head over heels for my dog. He's adorable, cuddly, and a great friend. And I want to have dogs. A lot of them. Big dogs, small dogs, rough dogs, and princess dogs. I am a dog person, through and through. It would be tough being with someone who doesn't love dogs. I may or may not look down upon those who don't like dogs. If he's a cat person (are there any men who are really "cat people", though? Serious question here.), then I'll deal. I have nothing against cats. I've never owned one so I'm not sure how I really feel about them. They are quite the cuddlers, it seems. And much easier to take care of!

Trivial Point #4: I want my future husband to be athletic.
I am very slowly trying to become more fit. I have lived such a sedentary lifestyle for so long that it would be nice to be with someone who likes to run, go for bike rides, and keep in shape. It's not a big deal if he isn't, because I don't think I'll ever live the life of a marathon runner or someone who works out for hours every day. But it would be nice to have an active lifestyle with my future husband.

Trivial Point #5: I want my future husband to be a homebody.
I am a homebody to the max. I don't mind staying inside on a Friday night, relaxing and playing games. I'm not a big fan of the club/bar scene. I want my future husband to be the same, someone who likes cuddling on the couch, watching movies and playing games, as opposed to hitting the night scene. But if I do have a husband who is more into socializing, I think it's a good thing. I do need to get out more and stop living life so small. Having a husband who likes being social might be good for me.

Just five trivial points, although I'm pretty sure I could think of more! But those are things that I would love to see in my future husband, although if I don't, it's not a deal breaker. Believe me, having a strong Christian husband is much more important to me than a dog lover!

Ten on Tuesday (Vol. 12)

Check out Chelsea's blog for her Mr. Linky and a list of other blogs who have completed this!

1. Fill in the blank. Sometimes I wish my life was more ______.

Exciting. I don't really lead an exciting life, or even the life of an average 22-year-old. It's a comfortable life and it's nice for right now, but sometimes I feel as if I'm missing out on opportunities. I don't really have girlfriends my age I can rely on, trust, and hang with. I really want to remedy that.

2. How do you cure the hiccups?

Peanut butter! Oh, my gosh, this works wonders! It's never failed me before. Plus, peanut butter is so yummy to eat!

3. What are three of your favorite indulgences?

• Sleeping. I love taking quick cat naps and sleeping in on weekends. I'm not one who feels awful and guilty after sneaking in a nap; I always feel refreshed and well-rested. I love, love, love to sleep!
• Going out to eat. I love to eat. And I probably love going out to a restaurant more than cooking something at home. I would probably eat out every night (or most nights) if I could and if it was cost-effective. Which it isn't. Unless you get bad service, then it is but you leave feeling let-down.
• Chocolate. It may not be considered a total indulgence, since I have it just about every day but I just love me some chocolate! It's definitely not good for my waistline, but hey, dark chocolate has some pretty good health benefits!
  

4. Where is the most exotic place you would like to travel to? The most mundane?

The most exotic place would definitely be Russia. Well, exotic in a culture frame of mind, not in a beach-y frame of mind. I have this strong connection to Russia that I think started when some type of Russian traveling museum came to our city when I was in first grade. We visited the place and I think I even bought one of those matryoshka dolls. So I would definitely love to travel there someday.

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And the most mundane would probably be Orlando, since I've been there so many times. But I love taking a weekend getaway to Orlando, shopping at their amazing outlet mall, going to the Hard Rock for dinner, and going to all the amusement parks. Sea World is by far my absolute most favorite amusement park and my mom and I may be planning a trip there for my Spring Break. Disney is having an awesome deal right now where you can hit 4 of their amusement parks in 4 days for just $99. Fingers are crossed!

5. Does having your time planned out stress you or relax you?

It definitely relaxes me. On Saturdays, I usually have to have a list of things I was to accomplish so I just don't sit around and get lazy. Having a list ensures that I'll get everything I need done that day. When I don't have a plan, it doesn't exactly stress me out but I just don't get much done. Which will, in turn, stress me out the next day.

6. What are your favourite fabrics to wear?

Hm...I've never really thought about it. I guess I'm a cotton type of girl. I like to be comfy and cotton is comfy to me. I also like denim. I love wearing jeans.

7. Do you sleep through the night?

Yes. I am a heavy, heavy, heavy sleeper. Once, I slept through a fire (including fire engines!) happening in the house next door to me. I love to sleep and have never had trouble staying asleep. It's waking up that I have trouble with.

8. When you were younger, what did you think you would be doing at this age? How close is that to what you are doing?

Honestly, I never thought I'd make it past high school. I don't know what it is with me, but my thought processes can't go farther than a few years. When I entered high school, I never really thought about what I would be like in college, because I didn't think I'd make it past high school! I don't know if I'm just scared of the Second Coming of Christ or something else.

So, really, I just thought I'd be much more of a grown-up than I am. I thought I might have actually moved out of my mom's house, had a real, grown-up job, and been this social butterfly. But I'm so not. I'm still like a 12-year-old in a lot of ways. Except not as awkward.

9. What has surprised you most about growing up?

Probably how much I enjoy my family. I never realized I was such a family girl until I moved away for a year and got so incredibly homesick that I had to come home. I only lived 30 minutes away but I missed my mom and my family so much during that year. And I know one day I am going to have to leave this town, find a job, and truly grow up. But, right now, I'm enjoying my life. I'm enjoying having my family so close by and no real responsibilities. I am lucky that I can depend on my mom to take care of my bills so I can solely focus on school. I'm definitely not taking that for granted!

10. Are you good at keeping secrets?

It depends. If you tell me a secret, I can keep it from everyone but my mom. I tell her everything and I'll definitely tell her your secret. (Sorry! But she won't tell anyone! I promise!) I'm usually good at keeping it from other people, especially people you don't want me to know. For example, if I'm at work, and my co-teacher tells me someone and says, "YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!" I'm pretty good at that. But my mom will know the secret.

Bottom line is, just don't tell me any secrets you wouldn't want my mom to know. 'Kay?

The Letter

Dear Dad,

I'm writing this letter to you because there are so many times I have wished I could have had the courage to say these things to your face. It's a letter that has been festering in the deep recesses of my soul to give to you, so you could know how I truly feel. It's not going to be an easy letter to write or an easy letter to read. And here is what I want you to do, for me: read the letter. And then take a week to process it. Don't send out a spiteful e-mail right away (I'm your daughter, half your blood, so I know this is something you would do -- because it's something I would do.). Take the week and come back to the letter. Read it again and then write me back, if you wish. Do this for me, Dad.

It's been over 2 years since I last saw you. November 24, 2007 was the exact date. I remember this because we celebrated my birthday. And I just remember how happy I was! It felt like old times -- going out to dinner, coming home for cake & ice cream, and playing games. I felt like this was a turning point in our relationship. But it wasn't. Because then I gave you a test: how long would it take my father to call me? To be honest, I was fed-up with having to call you all the time and you never really putting in the time and effort for our relationship.

But you never called me, Dad. I waited for so long until one day I just knew you wouldn't call me back. It felt like you were finished with me.

Mom has tried her best to be the father and the mother for Mark and I. And she has done an awesome job in raising us. Neither of us has ever touched a cigarette or tried drugs. We don't even drink. We are both successful in our own rights. We have never been in trouble with the law and I credit everything to my mom. She went through more than most single parents go through in raising us and came out on top. Not many single mom's can say that they raised 2 great, awesome kids who never kept her up one night, worrying about where they were or what they were doing. And we still don't.

I'm carrying a lot of baggage from my past. And most of that baggage is from you. I'm going to be blunt with you - you were never a good father to me. You berated and belittled me, yelled at me at unnecessary times and made me cry, you never showed me the unconditional love of a father. I have grown up not knowing how to respond to male attention, nor how to have a successful male relationship -- because I was never shown this from my own father. And the one man in the world whom I am supposed to know loves me uncondtionally didn't. Do you know how that feels? To grow up, knowing your dad didn't truly love you? It causes a girl to lose total self-worth in herself, to question everything she believes in, and gives her the avenue to berate/belittle herself.

I never quite felt like I measured up to what you wanted in a daughter. I never felt that I was pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, athletic enough, or skinny enough to be called your daughter. I constantly tried whatever I could to get your attention but always came up empty.

Our relationship was never strong to begin with. We had our moments, sure, and when I was younger, I was so proud to have you as my dad. You were the charming, funny guy that everyone felt at ease around. You played with me, acted silly with me, and made me feel well-loved. But then you and Mom divorced and it seems like things spiraled downward from there. We became an afterthought for you. Well, maybe not Mark but I know I did.

I miss you, Dad. I miss having you in my life so much sometimes that it hurts to breathe. I miss seeing you, I miss your smell, I miss your scratchy face when you have whiskers. I miss all the inside jokes we used to have. I miss hugging you. I miss watching TV and movies, curled up in your lap. I miss the fun we used to have together. I miss playing Monopoly (remember "Bankrupt on Baltic"?) and Blind Man's Bluff. I miss your jokes and sense of humor. There have been so many times when I'll say something funny or make a funny face and Mom will say, "That was your dad right there!" And I just get so sad, because you're not here anymore. You have chosen not to be here anymore.

I want you back in my life. I want to see my dad again and rebuild our relationship. I want to hear you apologize and admit to your part in this failed relationship. I love you, Dad. l love you so much. First and foremost, you are my dad. You may not have been the best one but I'm your flesh-and-blood and there's nobody else I could call my dad. I want to be able to call you dad again.

Your daughter,
Stephany

Seven Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 7)

One. Last week, I started setting my alarm at 4:30am. FOUR. THIRTY. AY. EM. Doesn't that just sound so wrong? But it's actually helped! I have to leave the house before 6:30am and by setting my alarm at 4:30, I can get up by 5am, shower, get dressed, get ready, get breakfast, get my lunch ready, get my bag(s) ready, etc. Yes, it's a process in the morning. But I get it done! Somewhat.

Two. I filed my taxes on Sunday night. I was hoping for a LOT more than I got. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. I was hoping to give a large chunk of it to my credit card that has a large balance but that won't be happening. So it's disappointing but after I lamented my misery on Twitter, I realized things could be a lot worse: I could owe money! Perspective.

Three. On Saturday night, my mom and I went out to Chili's for dinner. And since we spend about 90% of our time together, we usually don't have a lot to talk about at dinner. We were both trying to think about topics to talk about when she told me the FUNNIEST story of her first date with my dad. Basically, they went out to a nice restaurant and this was the conversation:

(Silence for many, many, MANY minutes.)
Dad: So, those are some nice pictures on the wall.
Mom: Yeah!
(Silence.)

I can't believe they actually got married after this date! Basically, these were the only words spoken during the entire date. I really couldn't stop laughing after hearing this. And I hope I never have a date like that.

Four. I went to Arby's on Sunday afternoon and sat near a mother, father, and their three children. Two of the children happened to be twins, about 9-10 months old. And the mom proceeded to give her babies Dr. Pepper and curly fries doused in ketchup. DR. PEPPER AND CURLY FRIES. And then she was trying to get her children to say the word soda. I don't know about you, but when I have some babies, soda is not a word I'm going to be teaching them at an early age. I couldn't believe this mother! Don't come crying to me when your twins are 50 pounds overweight at five-years-old. Idiot.

Five. I hate my phone. It's actually my mom's old phone that she generously gave to me when I lost mine. (She bought herself a new phone.) And it sucks. It's a BlackBerry that we bought in May 2009. It doesn't have a camera and cannot play music. It has enough memory to allow for UberTwitter and the BlackBerry App Store. But that's it. And it's slow. At least 5 times a day, it will stop working and show that stupid, little hourglass turning upside down over and over again. And I can't access anything during that time. I can't make calls, I can't see texts, nothing. So then I have to take my battery out, wait 10 seconds, put it back in, and then wait 5 minutes for it to start working again. I hate my phone. I'm due for an upgrade in May and I'm so getting a new one! (Did I mention my BLACKBERRY DOESN'T HAVE A CAMERA?!)

Six. On Monday night, I had a fantastic phone call three-way with two of my favorite bloggers, Nanny and Kaitlyn. We had our first phone chat in September, where I was half-dead and super boring from moving all day. And we had a really deep and heavy chat about faith. This time, I tried to be much more interesting, except I was working on an awful project and trying to get all my stuff ready for tomorrow. Anyway, I love these girls and they are awesome. Especially when I sent my project to Nanny and she helped me with a part I was having trouble with. And the fact that they didn't laugh at me when I told them I've never heard a Lady GaGa song.

Seven. Who are you rooting for in the Superbowl? If you know anything about me, you should know that I have an unnatural crush on Peyton Manning. He may not have the charm of Tony Romo, the looks of Tom Brady, or the ruggedness of Brett Favre. But he holds a special place in my heart with his country-boy twang, lanky frame, and insane football knowledge. So, yes, I'm rooting for the Colts!

Blogging Through The Years: Sixth Grade

I'm currently blogging through my years in school. I just recently finished up elementary school. Catch up on all you missed here!

I started 6th grade in August 1999 and I can't say I was excited. I was starting middle school, which was a little scary for me to think about. And I was at a brand-new school where I didn't know a single soul - besides my brother, of course. My mom, my brother, and I had recently moved into a condo not too far from the school. And this meant I had to bike to school. Every single day. I could never do anything cute with my hair (not that it ever did look cute at eleven!) because of my bike helmet. And biking to school was the worst when it was cold outside and you had to bike against the wind. Gosh, I hated that.

Actually, I hated everything about 6th grade.

During my first day, I managed to befriend a girl named Chelsea who would end up becoming my best friend throughout middle school. She was this short, athletic, extremely smart girl and we formed a quick bond with each other. Through Chelsea, I ended up meeting more people and we soon had our own group of friends that just grew as the years went on.

One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was my insomnia. During 6th grade, I had awful insomnia. My mom was clinically depressed, being that she was learning how to be a single mom to two adolescents and dealing with her deadbeat ex-husband. I hate to say it but this was such a tough year for all of us and this is the one year I can't fully say my mom was there for me. She was dealing with her own inner demons and trying so hard to be a good mother to my brother and me. I'm not quite sure what caused the insomnia, but I'm sure my parents' divorce was hugely to blame, even though I pretended I was fine with it. I never took sleeping pills or saw a doctor about it. I tried warm milk a few times but it never helped. (Plus, it was disgusting!) I tried sleeping on the loveseat but after my grandma told my mom that was a bad idea, I was banned from the living room. I eventually developed a system on my own of cuddling with my stuffed animals on the floor while reading a book. I would fall asleep sometime in the middle of the night and crawl into bed.

I remember feeling so excited the next night after dealing with a bad bout of insomnia because I knew I would be able to fall asleep faster than usual because I was so tired. The insomnia made my life pure hell and I don't think I was ever really happy this year. But I didn't talk about it to anyone but my mom and my grandma. And maybe I should have seen a doctor about this but it's in the past now. (And there are a few songs from 1999 that I just can't listen to because they remind me of this time in my life.)

During my first semester of 6th grade, I ended up making straight A's. Up until this point, I was mainly an Honor Roll student, pullling mainly B's on report cards. Straight A's was wonderful! And then on my third report card, I made my first D. It was in a class with a teacher who really shouldn't be teaching. He taught straight from the book and never incorporated any other lessons. Here was what we did, every single week: Monday-Wednesday, read through the chapters out loud. Thursday, we did two worksheets from the teacher's guide. Friday, we took a test over the unit. I think we drew a map once. But that's about it. He was an awful teacher.

This was the year I took the gym/health rotation. It was fourth period and we had gym for 2 semesters, health for 2 semesters, and then gym again for the last 2 semesters. I hated gym. HATED IT! Mainly because my fifth period class was on the exact opposite side of campus. So I would have to rush out of there and hurry as quickly as I could to my fifth period. I was always so, so nervous I was going to be late. Once, I was ten steps away from the building where my fifth period was and heard the bell ring. But when I got to my class, as it turns out, my gym class had left early and that bell was actually the first bell rung! Never the less, I was scared every day of being late to fifth period.

Needless to say, fifth period was my absolute favorite class. It was Reading with an off-the-wall, kooky teacher who did dog breeding on the side. Her class was so much fun and taught me so much about reading and analyzing and writing. I loved this class. In the class, two people every semester were given the job of "librarian." The librarians got to sit at the front of the class at their own table and were in charge of "checking out" books and taking care of secretarial class. No lie, I think I was the class librarian for three semesters. This class had about 10 bookshelves full of books, all arranged in genres and alphabetized. My teacher had a list of all her books and how they were supposed to be arranged. And if you were lucky and had free time at the end of class, you could do "inventory" where you would take a binder with the lists and go through the books to make sure everything's in its proper place. I loved doing inventory. I think we all did. We also read a book this year with the word "damn" in it. We were all scandalized, especially since we were reading the book out loud and we came upon the word. I remember my teacher saying, "It's OK. It's just a word. You can say it." And then the student whispering the word and everyone giggling.

I wasn't a big fan of 6th grade. It was a tough year for me and I dealt with a lot. My entire middle school career was pretty awful. I hated these three years and while talking about them is cathartic, it's still pretty emotional.

Non-Negotiables

About a year ago, one of my favorite authors, Erynn Mangum, wrote a series on future husbands. She is someone I highly admire as a writer, as a Christian, and as a person. I love anything to do with talking about future husbands and one of the points she hit on was what we want in a husband.

I could make a list of 25 things I want in my future husband. I can be very picky and especially picky when choosing the man I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with! But Erynn talked about having two lists: Non-Negotiables and Trivial Points.

Non-Negotiables are things you want in your future husband and things you won't compromise on. Trivial points are qualities you would like your future husband to have but are willing to compromise on. Today, I'm listing my Non-Negotiables in my future husband:

My future husband must be involved in a deep, committed relationship with Jesus Christ. I want a man who challenges me to dig deeper into my faith and makes me a better Christian. I don't want a guy who is lukewarm in his faith but someone so on fire for Jesus, it inspires me. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a pastor's wife but I do want a guy who has a relationship with Jesus Christ and knows Him intimately.

My future husband must make me laugh. I'm a girl who loves to laugh. And I love to be around funny people. I've been told I'm quite witty and about 75% of my conversation with people is sarcasm. I need a guy with a great sense of humor who never fails to find the funny in situations. I need a guy who laughs at funny commercials and watches stupid comedy movies with me. And I want a guy who can easily make me laugh.

My future husband must not smoke or drink. I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying how much I despise smoking. I think it's a disgusting habit and I don't know how anyone my age could even start, with the way the schools jammed down the fact of how bad smoking is for you growing up. And I can't marry a smoker. It disgusts me. And I also don't want someone who is a big drinker. I'm not talking about having wine with dinner or a drink while we're out to eat, but someone who likes getting drunk and acting like a college frat boy? So not my cup of tea! I've never been drunk, never want to be drunk, and don't see the point of getting drunk. And I won't marry someone who views this behavior as acceptable.

My future husband must be a family man. While it would be ideal that my future husband has an awesome mother, a funny father, and a sister that become my new BFF...it isn't that important to me. I do want to have a good relationship with my in-laws because I think it makes life a whole lot easier but that's more of a Trivial Point. I want my future husband to want to have a family. Right now, I'm leaning towards having four kids. (But let's see how I feel after I have my first!) I want kids most definitely. And I want us to be a family where our kids come first, not our jobs. I see way too many workaholics that don't have time to be with their kids and I don't want it to be that way with us. I want us to be a soccer family, go on vacations together, and have dinner together every night.

So there's my life of Non-Negotiables for my future husband. Four things I am seeking in my future mate and things I'm not willing to compromise on. Next week will be a lighter post with the Trivial Points that are important to me but not that important that I can't compromise on them.

You tell me: What are you looking for in your future husband? If you're married, did you have any sort of list of what you were seeking in your future husband? (Or wife, for the two guys who read my blog...)

Monthly Goals (Vol. 3)

I can't believe January is already over. The first month of 2010 and I don't feel any different now than I did in 2009. Where is the New Stephany? While I did manage to take a few risks and leaps of faith, I didn't take as much advantage of this month as I should have. Oh, well. January is always a weird month, anyway.

Let's recap my goals for January:
1. Complete or start at least 3 items on my 101 in 1,001 list. Completed. I managed to mark 2 items off my list (get 20 comments on a blog post; buy a designer purse) and I'm currently working on 3 goals (floss every day for a month, consistently use facial cleanser/moisturizer for a month, and do a media internship). It's really fun to have this list of things I want to complete.
2. Make one new meal a week. Semi-completed. Mom and I only managed to do this twice this month. The past two weeks have been hectic and crazy and we didn't even grocery shop properly. But the two meals we did make were so yummy, they'll definitely be added to our shockingly small list of go-to meals.
3. Start running, using the Couch-to-5K plan. Completed! I was using this program pretty consistently but have ditched it to just run myself. I'm trying to run as far as I can and then push myself just a little farther. I have a 5K coming up on March 21st. I don't know if I'll be in 5K shape by then but I'm still going to attempt it, even if I'm not. And I am determined to love running. I loathe it right now.
4. Start paying at least $50 to Credit Card #1 and Credit Card #2, as well as paying something to Credit Card #3. Semi-completed. I did pay $50 to the first two credit cards but haven't paid anything to Credit Card #3. I'm hoping to give a large chunk of my tax return to this credit card and hopefully get my minimum payment down to a manageable number, pay it off, and get rid of it! You don't know how good it will feel to have that monkey off my back. I'll probably have a bonfire for that card.
5. Establish a time of the day to have quiet time with God. I didn't complete this one at all. Twice this month, I tried. I set aside a time, got out my Bible, Beth Moore study, notebook, and pen. And while I started my Beth Moore study, everything would come to a complete standstill when I tried to pray to God. I mean, I've sent Him a few "God, please heal my grandma," but I've never really sat down and prayed in a long, long time. Prayer has always been something I've struggled with but it's been so hard lately. I don't know what's going on but I think a lot of it stems from my father issues and thinking I've disappointed God.

I'm really hoping February will be a brand-new month for me to really achieve my goals. I need to type them out to keep them with me during the month, since my list of goals just seems to get tucked away in this blog and sometimes, I don't even remember what my goals were!

My goals for February:
1. Eliminate fast food from my diet. Ever since my mom started Weight Watchers, we haven't eaten too much fast food. I haven't had Wendy's or Burger King in probably a year. I do eat a lot of Chick-Fil-A. (Those waffle fries and chicken nuggets are a weakness for me!) But I really want to completely eliminate fast food from my life because it's just crap. I am making two exceptions to this rule: Subway (c'mon, it's not fast food! Plus, it's hugely endorsed by Bob & Jillian!) and the Chargrilled Chicken Garden Salad from Chick-Fil-A (with light Italian dressing, it's about 200 calories total!).

2. Accomplish 3 more goals on my list. I want to completely knock off three more items on my list. I'm working on 2 goals so I can hopefully mark those ones off and I'll be working on a couple more this month.

3. Do lots of trainings for work. I'm way behind on my trainings. I work at a preschool and we have to have 40 hours of training a year, or else we lose our job. And I'm currently sitting at 7 hours. So, I really need to get to work on them. Luckily, I can do most of them online so I have no excuse not to just get down to work and finish them. By the end of February, I want to have done 20 more hours.

4. Get involved in 20SB daily. I've been so out of the loop of everything 20SB this month. I've been on, maybe, two or three times all of January. I participated in one discussion. I feel bad because I would really love to be more involved in this community but I just haven't had the time lately. I want to start making time because I do feel like it's important. And it's the place I met so many of my lovely blog friends!

5. Set aside time to have quiet time with God. I really, really, really want to accomplish this goal this month. If it's the only goal I accomplish, it's this one. I am desperate to get back into my relationship with God. I want to stop playing around and study the Bible, pray to God, and draw closer to Him.

How about you? Do you have any goals for February?

P.S. Another new blog post on Blogging to Lose. I gave a 30-minute playlist with commentary. I'd love to hear what you think!

Mission: Accomplished

On Thursday, I was given my first "mission" at my internship. I was going to have to call a whole bunch of businesses, radio stations, and newspapers to talk about a promotional item and see if they were interested.

Let's repeat. I had to call major businesses, radio stations, and newspapers. Do I need to remind you of my phone phobia? My phone phobia where sometimes I'm so nervous to make a doctor's appointment that I keep putting it off? I knew this was going to be a test of my abilities and it was extremely nerve-wracking, especially since I was calling from my cubicle where everyone in the office could hear me. But I called these places (about 20 total) and it wasn't as awful as I first suspected. It actually ended up being kind of fun! Imagine that! I would definitely chalk this down as a Good Experience.

After calling the places, I then had to hand-deliver the items. Doesn't sound too bad, does it? Only problem was, I had to deliver them downtown, which is full (FULL!) of one-way streets. And sure, I've grown up in this area but always in the northern part. I've ventured down to downtown a few times but I'm either a.) not driving or b.) know exactly where I'm going. (My university is downtown but super easy to find.)

Hand-delivering the show tickets was just the beginning of my mission. I'll give a quick recap:

• I turned left down a street and couldn't seem to find where to turn exactly so I ended up driving through the bus stop lane. Luckily, there was nobody around and no buses during that time but can we spell e m b a r r a s s i n g?
• MapQuest gave me completely wrong directions and I ended up in a boating park. (Thank God for the GPS on my phone.)
• I was so flustered by the wrong directions MapQuest gave me, that I stopped for probably 5 minutes at a stop sign until finally realizing it was a stop sign and not a red light.
• While turning right onto a street, I hit a curb badly. And I'm talking made the back end of the car bounce and the CD skip badly. I don't think the tire is ruined (yet) but it scared me. I would be lying if I didn't almost start crying and wishing for my mom at that moment.
• I stopped at 2 green lights for a full 2 minutes.
• I parked at a few metered parking spots and had to rush to my destination, hand over the items, and rush back to my car. I was scared to death I was going to get a ticket for sitting at a metered parking spot for 3 minutes!
  
• I drove past so many streets, it wasn't even funny. (Especially when it's noon and the only food in your body is have a bowl of soggy cornflakes. I don't function well when I'm starving and weak.) And since I'm downtown and around one-way streets, if you drive past the street you need to be on, you have to drive at least five blocks to the next available street to turn on to get to where you need to be.
  

All in all, it was an adventure. But it was also fun. It was neat going to all these different places and seeing the people who worked there. I went to an art studio for one delivery and for the first time in my life, I thought about becoming an artist. (But since I can't draw a stick figure without messing it up, I know that's not the path for me.) And I'm learning more and more about downtown and I'm hoping my next adventure won't be as crazy.

I knew this internship would stretch me as a person. I would have to do things I wasn't totally comfortable with and get over my fears. And it's doing that. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into the path of a career woman. It's scary, exciting, frightening, and thrilling. It's a slow process but I'm getting there.

And that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I take a leap of faith out of my comfort zone and into something completely different that Old Stephany? It's amazing. And I want to have that feeling every day.

There's a new post on my weight loss blog: Blogging to Lose. This week, I'm talking about taking this whole healthy lifestyle approach slow and steady. Check it out!