Letters to My Future Husband: I’m Not Ready For You Yet

I had lunch with an old youth leader of mine a few days ago. It’s been a good 8-10 years since I’ve last seen her and it was so wonderful to catch up and be inspired by her.

We got to talking about guys and relationships and I made a statement that, frankly, I was surprised to hear come out of my mouth.

“I’m not in the right place for a relationship.”

And it’s true. I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to have a relationship. I’m trying to focus on myself right now, graduating from college and seeing where life takes me afterwards. I don’t know if I’m going to stay in my town, move to Orlando, move to New York, or maybe even pursue missionary work. (Hey, stranger things have happened!)

And I’m not in the right place because my relationship with God isn’t in the right place. I’m still on a searching path, trying to figure out who God really is and how everything fits. Just because you’ve grown up in church doesn’t mean you’re any more sure of God than if you just discovered Him yesterday. I’m quickly realizing that.

I have friend after friend meeting potential boyfriends, dating, getting engaged, and getting married. And sometimes, I wonder if we’ll ever meet. I wonder if I’ll throw opportunities to meet you away because I’m so shy and so scared of where a relationship could lead. But I have to trust that it will all work out and I have to trust that God has a plan for us.

I’m happy with my life right now. I’m happy that I’m single and waiting for you. I’m happy that I’ve never compromised my values for a random guy I meet at a random place. I’m happy that I’m a girl who loves her family and is a major homebody. I’m happy that I’m not like every 22-year-old and I’m different. I’m happy that I’m so close to graduating and have found the right path to be on. I’m happy that my future is in God’s hands and that it feels so open and bright. I’m happy that my mom is my best girl friend and my brother is my best guy friend. I’m happy that I have the ability to laugh at life’s little moments and cry when stress overtakes me. I’m happy that I’m working on getting healthier. I’m happy at where I am.

And one day, I’m going to be happy because you are in my life. I’m happy about the promise of our love story and that one day, you will be my best friend that I want to share every moment of my life with.

I love you.

Stephany

A story about a boy and a girl

I want to tell you a story.

The story is about a boy of about fourteen. The boy is sullen and angry. His parents just got divorced and he has to live with his mom and little sister. He thinks the world revolves around his father and wants to live with him. His mom forces him to go to church and he hates being there. Every Sunday, he stomps in and slumps down as far as he can get in his seat.

Watching him, is a man. The man leads a Sunday School class with middle-/high-schoolers with his wife. He has an amazing testimony and story of redemption. The man can see a little of himself in this boy.

The man introduces himself to the boy and invites him to the Sunday School class. It takes him multiple attempts for the boy to finally agree to go.

The boy loves it. He loves the class and he loves the leaders even more.

The boy’s sister joins him in the class when she starts seventh grade. She loves it, too. She connects with the leaders on a level she hasn’t connected with other Christian leaders in her life. These people are real. They are living out loud for God. They are refreshing.

One day, the youth leaders for the Wednesday night class announce they are leaving and the Sunday School leaders will be taking their place. The boy and girl are excited.

Youth group changes dramatically with the new leaders. It becomes dynamic and fun. They learn more about the Bible than they ever have. They start each service with worship and then a icebreaker game before the sermon. The sermon’s are exciting. Both boy and girl can sit through the entire service, with rapt attention. They learn about the man’s testimony, which blows them away.

They begin to become more involved. The youth leaders start a Thursday night game night with a ramp for skateboarding, a pick-up football game, and plenty of board games. The boys play sports and get dirty. The girls sit at picnic tables and gossip (um, in a godly way?). Boy and girl begin to enjoy church.

The youth leaders begin to have a Sunday afternoon hangout, between the morning services and evening service. They go to the beach or hang out by a pool. They stop at Wendy’s for a yummy lunch. They shake the van while sitting at a traffic light, with the leader leading the way. They have more fun with church friends than they ever imagined.

But then circumstances arise where a new youth leader takes his place. Boy and girl are devastated. They never connect with another leader as much as the previous ones.

But for those short months they got to have those leaders changed their life. They never forgot them, never forgot their story or how much they meant to them.

They saved their life. They showed them a new way of living. They inspired them.

Boy and girl grew up. They never tried a drug in their life. They never saw the inside of a jail cell. They never had a drunken night. They fought through the odds to come out on top. Boy has a good job, a beautiful girlfriend, and an adorable baby. Girl has a good job and is finishing up her Bachelor’s degree. They never forgot those leaders or the impact they had on their lives.

Confessions… {Part 1}

I know. I said I was going to stop with the meme’s and weekly features. But I thought of this idea last week and thought it was fun so I’m trying it out. There are just some things you don’t know about me…

I’ve never eaten frozen yogurt in my life.

And I can’t say I’ve ever wanted to. When I think of desserts I want (especially cold ones), ice cream fills every spot in my mind. To me, yogurt is not dessert. It’s a necessary evil. And really, the only place I’ve been that serves frozen yogurt around here is Dairy Queen. So then it’s a choice: a delicious Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Blizzard or a cup of froyo? OK. It’s never been a choice because froyo has never crossed my mind. But I’m determined to try it someday!

I’m a Florida girl at heart, yet I hate the beach.

I have never liked the beach. I mean, it takes so much to prepare to go. And then you need quarters. And then you have to find the perfect spot, away from the people who come just to drink and away from the ones who bring their eight children and friends. And then you have to set everything up and it’s always windy so it takes forever. And then you venture out into the surf, but it’s either too cold or you get a mouthful of salt water within 3 minutes. And then you get sand everywhere when you come back. And then you can’t read your book because the sun shines on it too brightly. And then you try to eat your sandwich or chips or whatever you bring and a whole tribe of birds (yes, I know it’s the wrong term!) comes flying in. (Once, I even saw a bird steal an entire half-sub from a guy’s hands. The whole thing!) And then you finally decide you’re done for the day so you pack everything up, wash the sand off, get into the car and get sand everywhere, get home, and realize you’re completely sunburnt.

Or…you can throw on a bathing suit, grab a book and your flip-flops and walk over to the pool – which is 2 minutes away. You can relax, swim a little in perfect-temperature water, and get a little sun. Ah, I love the pool.

I don’t love the beach.

I tried reading a novel by Jane Austen, but I got bored.

You can pick your jaws up off the ground now. I’m sorry. I tried. I really, really tried. But I just couldn’t get into her. I’m so used to my fluffy, nonsense chick-lit and romance novels and it her books are not light, fluffy reads! I have to really think when I read her books and right now, I just want some books to read when I’m taking a break from schoolwork where I don’t have to think. I can just read them and laugh at the corniness of it.

I do have a goal to read all of her books so I’m going to try to read them again. Right now, it’s just too hard.

Sometimes, I cry a little when I read articles in SHAPE magazine.

Some of the articles are really inspiring! But I usually only read SHAPE when I’m at the gym, since it motivates me to keep trodding on. So it’s a little weird to choke back the tears while on the elliptical. It’s usually the weight-loss articles that get to me, because I can totally commiserate with these people. I totally know what it’s like to struggle and to find people who manage to make it to their goal weight is awesome. Also, those mother-daughter stories and cancer-survival stories choke me up as well.

When I was little, I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up with my own place so I could leave a roll of cookie dough in the fridge to eat at my heart’s desire.

And even though Travis recently talked to me about how a certain type of E. Coli can lead to kidney failure and neurological damage, I still love that stuff. I know it’s bad for you so don’t leave me hate comments about it. But it is so gosh-darn good! (And yes, I still have this fantasy.)

What are some confessions you have? And did any of my confessions surprise you?

Truth

"Want to know about a person's Bible reading and prayer life? Don't ask him, correct him for something and see how he reacts."

An old pastor of mine tweeted this the other day and it came at the perfect time. The blog I'm about to write is extremely personal to me, admitting my faults and the fact that sometimes, I'm just a 10-year-old trapped in a 22-year-old's body.

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog that deeply hurt a friend of mine. When I posted it, I thought it came across a bit snarky and was a little unsure of posting it. But I posted it. And now I regret it.

The thing is, I want my life to glorify God. I want people to look at me or hear my words and just know there is something different about me. I feel it when I read certain blogs. I can just feel Jesus' light shining through their blog. And sometimes, while most people know I am a Christian, they may not view me as such - especially by the language I sometimes use when I'm upset or the words that come out of my mouth.

One of my biggest pet peeves about faith is that we're not authentic enough. I don't want my life to reflect that of someone who doesn't have my faith. I want to stand out. I'm not interested in living a mediocre life. I want my every word, action, and thought to be centered around Christ. I want my day-to-day life to be filled with Him. I want to be changed. I want to be broken.

But I'm scared. I'm scared of what God has planned for me. I'm scared of what that might do to the plans I have for my life. I'm scared of what it takes to truly step out in faith.

After I posted that blog, I apologized to the friend. And she sent me an e-mail back. The e-mail was cutting but loving. I felt condemnation, but no judgment. I felt so disappointed in myself and so incredibly sad at how I managed to screw things up. I reacted like a ten-year-old girl, replying to the e-mail with my own snarky one.

She is my sister-in-Christ and while the e-mail was so hard to read, she said things that I needed to hear and things I didn't want to hear. She stepped out in faith and let me know how she felt, no holds barred. She wasn't PC about it and didn't give me a 'fluff' e-mail. She told me like it is.

I think we need that in our life. We need someone to tell us when we aren't glorifying God with our life. It's not about judgment (which is a word, in my opinion, that gets tossed around way too much) but about being a sister. Being someone we can count on to give us the truth, but also someone who will lend a hand to pick us up when we fall down.

I want to be more like her. I want to be firm in my faith and know exactly who I am in Christ. I want to be able to mentor younger Christians and be able to tell them when an action is taking them further away from God. I don't want to be scared of the truth anymore, nor of letting other people know the truth.

The truth is, I needed to hear it. I needed someone to tell me point-blank, this is not Christlike behavior. I don't want to be another Christian who says one thing, yet does another. I want to glorify God with my blog. And maybe not every post is going to be as "deep" and "introspective" and "godly" as this one but I had to get this out there to let this friend know that I am sorry and I respect her for standing up for her beliefs. Letting me know that the God she believes in would not approve of that blog post.

I honestly don't know if I'm getting my thoughts across in the right way. If not, I'm sure y'all will tell me so in the comments. And to this friend that I hurt, I'm sorry. And thank you. Thank you for being straight with me. Thank you for being a light and showing God's love yet justness in a firm way.

Month 1

I still can’t quite believe it. I look at the numbers and my heart flutters. A smile grows big on my face. I feel proud.

During my first month of Weight Watchers, my first-ever successful month where I lost consistently, I lost 6 pounds. Considering it took me 3 months in Summer 2007 to lose 15 pounds, this is a major accomplishment. I can’t believe I’m just 4 pounds away from losing 10 pounds – a milestone in any weight-loss journey.

I can’t say I feel any different. My clothes don’t feel looser and I don’t have any more energy than before. But I do feel more in control. I know I wrote about it before but I can’t stress it enough! After my success in 2007 and later setback, I tried Weight Watchers again and again, always quitting after a few weeks. I found it so hard to stay committed to the program. I never tracked, cheated as often as I could, and barely ever hit the gym.

It’s funny how busy I am now, but I find it easier to stay on the program. I’m still finding time, five days a week, to exercise. I’m tracking every morsel of food I put in my mouth. I’m measuring out everything I eat. And as rollercoaster as my emotions have been over the past week, I haven’t looked at food as a way to help me with my emotions. (Although my mom did offer to take me out to ice cream after I had a meltdown on Friday. ENABLER!)

I’m really pleased with my success. I know it’s not always going to be this easy. In fact, there is a lady in my meeting who has been stuck at 20 lbs since MAY. In the past month, she’s lost 5 lbs. I couldn’t imagine being on a plateau for that long and still sticking with it. That, my friends, is dedication.

Although I never really sat down and wrote out goals for my first month, I knew there were 3 things I wanted to get accomplished: tracking, exercise, and water. I just wanted to ease into this month and lose some weight. I wanted to track what I ate, exercise at least 3 times a week, and drink more water. And I did all that. And now I want to set some new goals for my second month so I can keep losing and keep this weight loss thing interesting.

This month, one of my big goals is to start strength-training. I always tell myself I don’t have enough time but I’m really going to try to make time twice a week to do this. Strength-training is one of my favorite ways to exercise and I already have loads and loads of different moves from my Shape magazines. I just need to implement some type of program and find a time of day to do these. Plus, it’s really going to help with my weight loss!

Another goal of mine this month is to stop counting my exercise points as extra points. With Weight Watchers, we are allowed to do this but we also get 35 extra points a week to do with what we please. My mom hasn’t counted her exercise points for a long time, even though she gets a lot of them! I’m really hoping this will amp up my weight loss. Plus, sometimes I tend to cheat on exercise points. (What?! Two points for 30 minutes on the elliptical? No way…it has to at least be 3!) So I want to stop exercising so much for points as for my health. (Although I’m still not in love with it, but I don’t despise it as much as I used to.)

Lastly, I really need to drink more water. I’m just not a big fan of this tasteless beverage. (And I’ve tried flavored water, which just doesn’t taste right.) I want to drink at least 3 bottles a day, which gives me about 51 ounces a day. And, for me, that is a LOT of water. This will also help cut down my soda habit, something I’m hoping to really get rid of. I hate this addiction I have towards soda. I’m going to start instituting “No Coke Days” once a week, probably on Saturdays. I wanted to start last Saturday but dang it, I have an addiction! It’s so hard to not drink the stuff. I would quit cold turkey but I’ve tried that before and it really messes with my body. (Yes. I’m like an alcoholic. Only with soda. A sodaholic? Do they have support groups for people like me?) And I drink the good stuff, not that diet crap. My screwed-up thinking is that regular soda has a points value (3 points for a 12-ounce can), diet soda does not. The points value keeps me somewhat in check. If I was drinking diet soda, I could have as much as I want for 0 points.

So those are my three goals for next month. I also have a 5K planned for April 10th. I’m nowhere near ready to run the whole thing. I’m shooting to be able to run a mile, walk a mile, and run my last mile. Fingers crossed!

Finding My Niche

I haven't been very happy with the way I've been blogging lately. I feel like I'm straying farther and farther away from the essence of this blog and more into "What can I write that will get me a lot of comments?"

It's a horrible way to blog.

When I first started blogging, it was just because I liked to write and I liked having a way to document my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life. I never received comments and the only person I knew who read my blog was my mom.

But now I have followers. I receive comments on every blog post. I have made friends through blogging. I have given and received advice. I have debated over religious and political viewpoints. I have found a blogging community where I belong.

I love that part of the blogging. I don't love what my (minor) popularity has done to my blogging. I remember Shalay writing a post about this last summer. It was a great post that sums up all of my thoughts in her hilarious blunt way.

See, I'm trying to figure out where I belong exactly. I'm not in a relationship of any kind. I'm not planning a wedding. I'm not a newlywed. I'm not married. I'm not a mother. I'm not pregnant. I'm not trying to become pregnant. I hate cooking. I suck at designing and decorating. I'm not training for a marathon. I don't care about fashion. I'm not interested in sharing every mundane detail about my weight loss efforts. I'm not living abroad. I don't have an interesting job. I can't talk about anything that happens at my job on this blog. I can't talk about anything that happens at my internship on this blog. I'm not living on my own. The only bills I pay are my credit card bills. I live with my mom. I'm not moving out any time soon. I'm not moving to another state for a job. I'm not interested in missions work (yet). I don't travel. The finest restaurant I eat out at is Carrabba's.

Frankly, my life is boring. I work, I go to school, I'm in an internship. I have a healthy relationship with my mom. I have few friends and no social life to speak of. I watch way too much TV and take naps whenever possible. I'm a homebody.

I'm trying to figure what type of blogger I want to be. Am I a seven-day-a-week blogger? A three-day-a-week blogger? A one-day-a-week blogger? A once-every-other-week blogger?

I know I want to go back to the basics of blogging again. I want to get back to writing. I want to write about my thoughts and feelings again. I want to stop completely meme's and participating in every weekly feature I can find. I want to start honing my writing skills and this blog is the perfect place for that.

Maybe my niche is that I don't have a niche. I'm just a blogger. I'm just a blogger who is trying her hardest to break into the publishing world, has doubts about every aspect of her life, and loves her family more than anything in this world.

Some things are going to change around here. And I hope you all stay along for the ride. I promise it'll be worth it.

Fit Fridays: A Sense of Control

I'm closing in on my third week on Weight Watchers. To date, I've lost 3.4 pounds. I would love to lose 1.6 pounds this week to bring my total to 5 pounds in THREE weeks. That would be amazing.

But if I only lose 1 pound, or even just half a pound, I'll be OK with it. And it all comes down to control.

For the first time in years, I feel in control. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself and I don't feel like I have to be so incredibly careful with what I eat. I feel free, but still in control. I drink water, even though I don't really like it. I sweat it out at the gym, even though I'd much rather lay around and read in my bed. I keep my portions sizes low and measure out everything, even as I laugh at how much I thought a serving of chicken was. (Seriously, a serving is small!)

I feel like I did in 2007, when I lost tons of weight and felt great about myself. My past weight loss attempts have been like grasping at straws. I wasn't in the right mindframe to lose weight then. I am now. I'm scared to be a girl people look at as obese. I want to get healthy and thin before I have one store to shop in and cannot even walk up a flight of stairs before getting winded.

This control feels good. I know what I'm eating and I'm not tempted to cheat. I have my breakfast lined up, my lunch lined up, and dinner has become fun to plan. Since my mom is doing it, too, (she's lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks!) it's been so much easier to plan and stay in control. We're both in this together and have been scouring recipe cookbooks and websites to find new, healthy recipes to try.

And while I'm not doing everything right, I'm doing the best I can right now. I know I need to cut down on my snacking, drink more water, get in higher-intensity workouts, and find more filling breakfast options and lunch options. But I'm happy with the progress I've made so far. I'm happy with the way I feel. I'm happy that I can turn down donuts and brownies without even blinking.

And today I gave in to a temptation. We had pizza at work. I had 2 of the smallest slices I could find and I don't regret it. It was a craving, I had it, I counted the points for it, and I've moved on. This is why I love the Weight Watchers program. It's not about depriving, it's about living healthier. Turning down temptations we don't really need, learning about hunger signals and boredom signals, using correct portion sizes, and tracking what we eat. While it's not impossible to lose weight without tracking, it's easier and a better indicator of what you're eating and what nutrients you're not getting enough of.

I know I'm going to encounter plateaus. I know I'm going to have weeks where it becomes a chore to exercise and eat healthy. But the feeling of accomplishment this program has been bringing me is a billion times better than any brownie could taste. And I found a weight-loss buddy to check in with and call when those cookies seem to be calling my name. We text each other what we ate every night and give each other encouragement and praise. It's something that's really keeping me going.

What about you? Do you feel in control of your eating habits right now? When was the last time you felt completely out of control?

Why MY Grandma?

Last week, my grandma started her first of 12 rounds of chemotherapy. After surviving 2008 and beating Stage IV colon cancer, her cancer came back in 2010. A small amount of cancer was found in her lung and she would have to endure chemo once again.

I remember what my grandma was like in 2008, especially towards the end of her fight. She morphed from my plump, squeezable grandmother to a frail, small woman who I was scared to hug too hard for fear I would break her. I remember the fear we all felt and the fear my grandma tried so well to keep hidden.

But then she beat the cancer and spent 2009 recuperating. She was healthy enough to go out to lunch with the family on Mother's Day, cook Thanksgiving dinner, and return to her normal self. She was feeling great, getting plenty of exercise, and baby-sitting her great-grandson a few days a week. Her energy level was high. She was back to being my grandma again.

And now I'm scared. I don't want her to return to that frail woman again. I don't want her to have to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy, the constant beeping of her pump during the nights she has poison racing through her body, the inability to drink anything but room-temperature water, the disappointment when her blood count is to low to go through chemotherapy for that week, the exhaustion so bad that turning over in bed seems like a chore.

I don't understand why she, out of everyone in my life, has to deal with this. Why does my grandma have to go through this pain? She's faithful. She's giving. She's sweet. She's everything I could ever ask for in a grandma, and in a woman. She doesn't deserve this. My grandma and grandpa are dealing with enough on their own. They have to deal with her cancer, too?

I have anger. I'm not directing it towards God because that's misplaced anger. If anything, God is the one we all need to lean on during this time. I guess I'm just angry at the situation. I don't think it's fair that she's the one who has cancer again. Life isn't fair and I know this. But I'm still upset about it.

It's been said that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. So I guess this is why my grandma has to deal with this again. She can handle it. She has the strongest faith of anyone I know. And she has an incredible husband by her side, someone who loves her so deeply. Out of everyone in our family, they are the two who could handle this the most.

So it's not fair. And I am angry that my grandma has to deal with chemotherapy again. I wish she was still healthy and was still baby-sitting my nephew. But she's not. She does have to deal with this. And our entire family will be by her side to support her and pray for her. She will endure this season and emerge victorious. She did it before, she'll do it again.

101 in 1,001 Days Update

Over 2 months ago, I posted my "101 in 1,001 Days" list and I've been hard at work achieving my goals! (How corny.) It's been fun to peruse the list and find specific goals I think I can achieve this month and find goals I can set about achieving in the next few months.

To date, I've completed 6 goals on my list and I thought I should give a little recap on them.

#60 Buy a designer purse.

I'm not quite sure if everyone else would agree that Vera Bradley would qualify as a designer purse, as compared to Coach or Prada. But there's only one place to buy these purses in my town and I have to buy them online to get a good sale. And since I could never see myself buying a $300+ purse, I'm making Vera Bradley designer. I bought a big tote to take to class, a laptop case, and a regular everyday purse to take everywhere else. And I want to buy more. Wallets, big totes, small purses, planners, notepads, everything!

#63 Try a spinning class
I went last Thursday to a spinning class. My mom has a few friends with gym memberships and we were able to score some visitor's passes for a week from them. So we went to this spinning class on our first day of using the passes. I've only done spinning once, in 2007, and it was intense but fun. I loved it. And I loved this workout. It just about killed me. I swear, five minutes into the class, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest and I was going to collapse on the floor but I held on. I loved the challenge of it. And I want to go again, and again, and again, and again. Alas, this gym is way over my budget so I can't go there.

#71 Get 20 comments on a blog post.
Here's the funny thing: I actually received over 20 comments on my "101 in 1,001 Days" list. And surprisingly, I've received over 20 comments on a LOT of blog posts now. I always get this fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I get an e-mail about a comment. I love them. I'm just shocked people like how I write, think I'm moderately interesting, and leave comments! So thanks, guys. Y'all seriously rock my world.

#72 Start a monthly feature of writing letters to my future husband.
I started this one last Wednesday and I think it turned out pretty good. I'm thinking of writing some more personal letters that I probably won't post. (I would put them on private or password-protected but alas, I'm using Blogger. And Blogger doesn't seem to think there's a need for it. Which there is. Which is why I'm switching to Wordpress when I buy my own domain name. Sigh. But I digress.) But it was really exciting to write and I can't wait to write more!

#83 Go to a group fitness class with my mom.
Since I went to the spinning class with my mom, I was able to knock out two goals in one intense workout. It was fun being in class with my mom because she works out hard. On Friday, we went back to the gym to just get a regular workout in and the woman in a monster. She puts me to shame.

#93 Say what I feel once.
Talyse, a good friend of my family, told me that I completed this goal with the letter I wrote to my father. And she's right. I said exactly what I felt, no holds barred, with that letter. And I'm sending him a second letter, much different than the first one, which will really knock this one out of the park!

Ten on Tuesday (Vol. 13)

As usually, head on over to Chelsea's blog to link up if you complete this on your own blog.

1. Of your current hobbies, which would you choose to spend more time, money, and effort on? Why?

I would definitely love to spend more time writing. For one, I could spend more time blogging and keeping up with the blogging world. Plus, it would be cool to get paid just to blog! And writing is just a passion of mine. Up until December of last year, I always had a number of stories I would be working on. I was constantly working on character bios and plotlines and it's really rare for me to go so long not writing anything on my stories. And it all comes down to time. Any downtime I do have I give to blogging.


2. List the two other hobbies/habitual activities (not chores) besides the one listed above that you regularly do now and didn’t choose in question one.

Exercise, because I loathe it. I do it because it's good for my body and pretty useful if you want to lose weight. But I don't like it. I will make up every excuse in the book to get out of it. And I'm just waiting for the day where I become someone who loves it, but looks a long time coming.

Cooking. I'm not good at cooking at all. I like simple recipes like my recipe for salsa chicken. Just take chicken breasts, pop them in the Crock-Pot, pour in a whole jar of salsa, and cook on low for 8 hours. Voila! Chicken! I can't do complicated recipes. I mean, I haven't even mastered how to make Hamburger Helper right! I do envy people who love to cook and have a talent for it.

3. Why are you spending time on the above two hobbies/habitual activities at all if you really wanted to spend your time on the first one you chose? …or to put it another way, what are these two hobbies/habitual activities fulfilling that the first one doesn’t if you don’t want to put all your effort into the first hobby?

Oh, wow. I think I understood that question. It was a little jumbled. I spend my time exercising and trying to cook because I'm trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. And that's more important to me now than writing. Plus, I spend less time writing because of school. I'm busy with all my school projects, some of which involve writing, that my blogging/free writing takes a backseat right now.

4. Read John 3:16 in the Bible. In what way does this passage affect you? What are your feelings towards these words, positively or negatively?

I don't have to read John 3:16 to know what it says. It's probably the most well-known verse in the Bible. It's the essence of God's message. He sent His Son to die for us, the ultimate sacrifice. There is nothing but positivity in that message. And if you don't believe in this passage, then you don't believe in God.

5. M&M’s: nuts, no nuts, or peanut butter?

It depends. I love ice cold regular M&M's. Those are so delicious. But then peanut M&M's are so good, too. I guess it depends on my mood?

6. Putting away the feeling of pride being a bad thing: what secretly/openly are you proud about yourself?

Right now, I'm proud about how well I'm doing on Weight Watchers. Granted, I'm only in my third week but I'm not screwing up as much as I usually do. I've been staying under my 35 Extra Points, drinking a whole lot more water than I ever drank, and getting in regular exercise. I'm just trying to take everything one day at a time and not worry about what will happen on Friday or even 3 months from now. Just focusing on today and being healthy on this day.

7. Given one room in the house to do with what you want, not changing the actual size of the room and with all the money you would need, what would you do, and be specific?

I would love to make over my room. I was hoping to get a desk because I don't have one and desperately need one. But it will be a while until I get one of those. I would definitely get a desk, a flat-screen TV to mount on my wall, some sort of organizational system for my closet, a dresser, new bedsheets, artwork for the walls, a rug, and maybe a new, expensive camera to put on my desk.

8. What’s the next movie you’re going to see? Not what you’d LIKE to GO see, but the next movie you realistically are going to watch.

I have no idea, since I can't say the movie I would like to go see. I can't foresee into the future for the next movie I'll realistically go see. (Did these questions annoy anyone else but me? Because they're annoying me. And the grammar errors are annoying, too.)

9. Use the keyboard only and make your best smiley/funny/cool face –> like this! 8^)

No, thanks.

10. What makes you cry? What makes you pray? What makes you laugh?

Cry: sad stuff
Pray: anything
Laugh: funny stuff

(Oh, dang. I just got downright ornery with those last 2 questions.)

My 100th Post!

Wow, I can't believe I've made it to 100 posts! I've had millions of blogs floating around the Internet in the past years but never have I had one like this. This blog has changed me and made me really focus on being a writer. And I try to be somewhat interesting!

Anyway, I asked my lovely readers to ask me questions and I got some really good ones! So here we go!

From Pia at Living PrImA: What is your most treasured possession?

Ever since I received this question, I've been thinking really hard about it. I really wanted it to be something meaningful but when I kept asking the question to myself, "What would just kill me if I lost it?" It boiled down to him:

And while I hesitate to call him a "possession," I know it's going to kill me when he passes away. He's so much more than a dog to me. He's like a boyfriend, baby brother, child, and best friend all wrapped up in one adorable package. I can't wait to go home and see him whenever I'm away. I love how he cuddles right up next to me, to the point where it's uncomfortable for me, because he craves nearness. I love squeezing his ears, especially when they're cold. I love his kisses and the way he is the best cuddler I've ever met! I just love him.


From Rachael at Senorita Rachael: What is your favorite class?

Well, right now, my favorite class would have to be my News Editing class. The head of the journalism department teaches it and he's scary and intimidating in a good way. I'm such a grammar Nazi and constantly edit conversations in my head but this class still challenges me and makes me think about grammar and editing in a completely different way. Editing is such an arduous process but completely necessary and it's fun to learn what it all entails.

Of all time, though, my favorite class would have to be a tie between Psychology and a Classroom Managment and Behaviors class. The first one I took while I was in high school (I took college classes for my last 2 years of high school so this was college-level psychology) and the teacher was so much fun and interesting! The information was intense but also extremely interesting, too. The other class was taken during my first semester in the College of Education and I met so many great friends through it and my professor was fantastic. If only she could have been my supervising teacher during my internships, I'm sure I would have passed with no problems! She always had the best stories to tell (she worked with 4th-7th grade for over 25 years) and all the projects I did were fun.

Rachael also asked: I know that your religion is important to you, do you have a favorite Bible passage? I could use a little inspiration.

Romans 6:6-7 which says, "We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin."

First of all, how powerful is that last verse? It gives me chills. And it deals with a lot of what I'm dealing with lately, regarding my spiritual life. Right now, it's an important verse for me to read and meditate on. Sin holds no power over me anymore. Love that.


From Emily Jane at Emily-Jane: What's the biggest dream you hope to achieve in this lifetime?

My biggest dream should come as no shock to anyone: I want to get married and have babies! For me, this is what a fulfilled, happy life looks like. I want to wear a beautiful, white dress and have all eyes on me for one day. I want to experience the give and take a marriage takes. I want to feel life growing inside of me, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it may be. And I want to feel that feeling in the pit of my stomach when my child says, "Mama," to me for the first time.


From Alyssa at My Husband's Watching TV: Would you rather be invisible or have super strength? Why?

Both would be awesome in their own way. It would be neat to just be invisible when I'm feeling uncomfortable in a social situation or somewhere I don't want to be. But then super strength would be cool, too. I mean, who would expect me to be able to lift a semi with my pinkie finger? So I would probably choose super strength, just 'cause it sounds cooler.


From Ashley at Industrious Me: What's your favorite thing to do when you're alone?

I love my alone time. LOVE. I crave it desperately and I really don't know what I'm going to do when I'm married and have little rugrats running around because I love my alone time that much. Anyway, to answer your question, my absolute favorite thing to when I'm alone is reading. I just love getting into my bed, pulling the covers up, cuddling with Dutch, and reading for hours. It's such an escape.


From Amber at Girl With the Red Hair: You are very close to your mom, what's one thing the two of your completely disagree on or fight about?

We really don't fight about much. We get alone pretty well, especially for two women living together and spending most of their time together. Sometimes, I'll say something mean that I is supposed to be funny but just ends up upsetting her. Or I'll have a moment where EVERYTHING is irritating me and I'll just snap at her for no reason. Sometimes, our American Idol discussions can get a little wild and crazy if we don't have the same opinion. But that's about it. There's not much we disagree with.


From Adrienne at Age of Reason: What has been the most defining moment of your 20's?

I think there have been two. From a professional, career standpoint, it was changing my major from education to journalism. I have found so much happiness in this major change, even though I dealt with a lot of setbacks related to financial aid. But this is where I belong and I'm meant to be.

Another defining moment has to be the letter I recently sent to my father. After not speaking a single word to one another for over 2 years, writing that letter felt like a release. I love how I wrote it and how it turned out. My father's response to the letter? Disappointing, sad, and completely what I expected. I'm currently formulating my response to it and trust me, it's not going to be pretty.


From Mandy at Knowing the Difference: Which one post defines you the most?

No question about this one. It was definitely The Letter, which I wrote a few weeks ago. It was such a healing process for me to write.


From Meghan at Blog Voyeur Turned Blogwhore: What's one thing we would be surprised to learn about you that doesn't show through in your blogging?

I think my sense of humor doesn't shine through as much as it does in my daily life. I'm usually serious, and maybe a little bit quirky, here but in real life, I conversate mainly in one-liners and sarcasm. I like making people laugh with comments I didn't think were that funny but end up cracking them up. It takes me a while to get to the level of comfort with people where I can be sarcastic and know I won't hurt their feelings with what I say. But yes, definitely my sense of humor. See? Even this answer wasn't funny!


From Samantha at A Change of Pace: What type of career are you hoping to get into after graduation?

You see, I don't really know. After taking a few classes, I know areas I'm not interested in: I don't want to be a reporter and I don't want to work with any type of design (AT ALL!). I'm really interested in the magazine world and the PR world. I would love to work for some type of ministry, such as Beth Moore' Living Proof. I think it would be really interesting to work in a Christian environment.

I know getting journalism jobs is hard nowadays. So basically, when I graduate, I just want to have a job lined up and not spend the next year working at my preschool! I know I'll have time to explore my options further as I gain more experience. And after working at my internship, working in an office with my own cubicle sounds divine! (And grown-up!)

Also from Samantha: We've learned a lot about what you're looking for in a future hubby lately, and I'd like to know: What type of wedding would you like to have with him, and where would you like to go on your honeymoon?

Honestly, I've never thought about it. Sounds weird, right? I guess I'm more concerned and enthralled by the man I'll be marrying than the one-day ceremony uniting us together. Sometimes I picture a traditional wedding, wearing a gorgeous white gown, in a church. Other times, I picture a more relaxed setting on a beach, in a flowy white dress and barefoot. Sometimes, I picture getting married in a picturesque location with breathtaking views and color-coordinated dresses and flowers.

I know I want a wedding. Every girl does, right? I want beautiful pictures to look at and that special day to remember. I want all eyes to be on me for one day. I want to see the look on my man's face when he sees me walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress.

As for my honeymoon? I'm definitely thinking tropical. Hawaii is a pretty nice locale, don't you think? Days spent relaxing by the pool, trying out different activities, and spending many, many wonderful hours in bed. (HEY! I'll be married!) Oh, I cannot wait!

Thanks for all the questions and sorry if this got lengthy! I loved answering them.

Seven Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 8)

One. My post on Monday didn’t mean I was disappearing from the blogosphere until May! I’ll still be around, maybe just a little more silent on weeks where I have a lot due. I won’t be posting five-times-a-week, although today marks the first full day of my Spring Break so I’ll probably have a normal blogging week next week. I’ll still be commenting on blogs and trying to get a post or two up. I just felt that my readers deserved to know why I wouldn’t be as HERE for the next 2 months.

Two. Speaking of Spring Break, I’m FREE for the next 10 days! No classes, no internships, no waking up at 4:30am to get ready. I can just wake up, shower, throw my hair in a pony, grab my stuff, and go! I’m so looking forward to the break, even if I’ll be spending most of it just catching up with everything. I have a magazine to start designing, law journals to write, textbooks to read, assignments to complete. But I think I’ll be ready to tackle this last half of the semester and not have too many meltdowns.

Three. I received my book for Chelsea’s book swap Wednesday night. I was super excited about what it was when she e-mailed me, telling me how good it was and that she wanted to read it. And it looks awesome! I can’t wait to start reading it. I think I’m really going to enjoy it.

Four. Thanks for all the suggestions in my last post! The ones involving my faith were especially hard to hear but I totally understand. God does need to have the first-place spot in my life. I know when I’m following after Him and leaning on Him, things are a lot smoother. They’re not perfect. Things are still hard and I still feel stress. But I feel calmer, more in control. So I’m definitely going to work on our relationship, connecting more with God, and having a daily Bible study.

Five. Next Monday, I’m meeting with an advisor to schedule classes for Summer and Fall. Hopefully, my last two semesters of my undergrad career! I can’t believe I’m almost there. After everything I went through with being THISCLOSE to graduating with my Bachelor’s in Elementary Education and then everything falling apart, I felt as if I would never receive my degree. Two classes I’m extremely excited about taking are Social Media, News, and Society and Media Convergence. I really have no idea what I want to do when I leave school but something along public relations or social media does appeal to me a lot.

Six. I’m trying out replying to all my comments by e-mail. Whenever I get a e-mail from Erin after commenting on her blog, it fills me with warm fuzzies and I like the connection, even if I never do reply back. So we’ll see how this goes and how long I can keep up!

Seven. My plans for Friday-Sunday include sleeping, reading, and catching up on my Reader and DVR-ed shows. Notice there is nothing involving school? I’m not even thinking about school this weekend! It’s going to be absolutely divine. I plan on staying cuddled up in my bed on Saturday until noon at the earliest. Ughhh…I can’t wait!

Priorities

I knew this semester was going to be jam-packed, busy, and test every level of strength I possessed. What I didn't know was how much it would try to break me.

I'm not good at managing my time. This is not a new fact for me. The truth is, I'd much rather spend my time blogging, catching up my DVR-ed shows, and sleeping than doing actual work. It's the lazy American in me, you could say.

I managed fairly well, working a part-time job and going to school full-time, last semester. I managed to scrape by with A's and an almost-A and didn't feel as if my entire world was caving in at all. The last few weeks were intense but I managed.

I still have another two months to go and I've already had my fair share of cry-my-eyes-out meltdowns. My mom has witnessed way too many of these and I'm not a very nice person when these occur. I throw out F-bombs, snap at her for no reason, and just get ugly. It's not pretty.

But I'm going to make it through this semester. I'm going to succeed, even if success comes in the form of a barely-passable C-.

In order to succeed, I need to put my priorities together. The only way I am going to make it through this semester without going crazy is by figuring out the placement of everything in my life.

Obviously, school must come first. I'm in the process of figuring out what I have due for the rest of the semester in all my classes and making sure I have a timeline to complete it all. The biggest thing weighing on my mind is a 16-page magazine I have to create from scratch. Original images, original designs, and original stories. I've come to realize design is not my forte and I know this magazine won't be the best in the class. But I just want to create it for me and to be happy with my work - even if my professor isn't.

Second on the list is my health. I'm on the Weight Watchers program and lost three pounds my first week. I want to keep my health in check and know this is the one thing in my life that I can control, even if everything else in my life is going to the crapper. And I know by eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising, I will keep my body happy. And a happy body means a happy mind, right?

Third on the list is my relationship with God. I need to fall back in love with Jesus and I need Him to help me make it through these days. I know I'm just going to falter if I try to do this on my own. And I need His help with the magazine I'm going to produce. I'm trying out a new small group on Sunday and I'm hoping this one works for me. I really have tried so many small groups that I just don't enjoy, people-wise. I want to feel comfortable and I want my relationship with God to deepen through it.

Sitting lower on my list of priorities are my social life, blogging life, and job. My job isn't something I'm willing to give up. After this semester, it should be smooth sailing for my last two semesters of college. And I want to keep my job throughout it. I love where I work and even if the pay is crappy, it's better than no job. My social life is laughable so let's not even talk about it. Suffice it to say, I know I need down time but those times will be few and far between for the next two months.

But blogging. I love blogging. I love writing blogs and reading posts. I love commenting and finding out I have new people reading my blog. And it hurts to know it's going to have to go on the back burner for the next few months. My goal is to aim for 1-2 blog posts a week and keep up with my Google Reader as much as possible. But I do need to step away from the obsession I have over blogging until school has calmed down. Am I happy about it? No. But it's necessary.

I'm already counting down the days until May. It's going to be a rough, crazy, stressful two months but I will make it through. And I will succeed. Anyway, thanks for listening.