50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 1

Right now, I'm in Orlando! It's Friday so I'm hopefully still sleeping when this posts and gearing up for a day at Disney World! Be jealous.

A while back, Ashley linked to this survey on her Life List and it looked like a really interesting survey to take, with questions that were different and introspective. So, here you go, my first 5 questions on this list answered:

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

I would never put my age at 22, or older. I think many bloggers would easily be able to say they act a lot older than their age indicates, but it's not so for me. I would pinpoint my age around 19-20, with the fact that I'm still in school, still live with my mom, have a part-time job where I'm only responsible to pay our phone bill + gas when needed, and have seemingly no responsibility for important issues.

I'm not saying I'm not responsible or mature, and I do think there are certain areas of my life where I do act way above my age. It also doesn't help that I'm constantly mistaken as a high-schooler. But there are some areas of my life that I think I could take a bigger step to fixing and proving myself to be the 22-year-old that I am.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

I think they both are pretty bad. With both instances, you're left with regrets. You're left with what if's. Failing makes you feel like a loser and never trying makes you feel lazy. I will say that the horrible feeling I get in the pit of my stomach from not trying is way worse than the pit I get when I fail. When you fail at something, you learn. You grow. You move on, knowing you won't make that same mistake again. (Hopefully.) But when you live a life of never trying new things and experiences, you can't learn or grow. You become stuck on a stagnant path of nothingness. It's a terribly feeling I know all too well.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

I'm having a hard time with this question. I've typed and deleted an answer about 5 times, because it's a hard one to answer. On the one hand, it's just life. Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do, like work commitments and spending time with your in-laws. Sometimes, money issues and fears get in the way of things we like but don't do, such as traveling. On the other hand, I think it's because we become comfortable in our shallow worlds where we sit in our bubble of containment, not venturing out to make a difference because we're afraid of what will happen. We're afraid we'll grow and change and become a person with a whole new set of goals and ideals.

4. When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

I think that's natural. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to see. At 22, I feel like my future is wide open. I feel like I have so much time to do everything and it fills me with such excitement. There are some Big Life Events that I want to happen (such as getting married, becoming a mother, and graduating college) and then there are life experiences that I want to enjoy (such as traveling, getting published, running a half-marathon). I don't think I've ever sit down and come up with a Life List, which is something I should do.

At the end of my life, I hope I can say I lived a fulfilled life, where I touched people. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and know I was happy with myself.

5. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?

Judgment. I would like the world to have less judgment. I think we too quickly judge others by outward appearances too easily. I know I do it. If I kept a tally of how many people I judged in one day, I would be a little embarrassed by the number. I see it all the time at work, with people judging how others dress and take care of their children - even that they have "too many" kids. I see it on TV and magazines and blogs. I know change has to start within. It has to start with me. If I started judging less, maybe it would spark others around me to start judging less. Food for thought, at least.

Vacation Odds & Ends

• I'm writing this on Tuesday night, right before I begin my first real vacation in over two years. To say I'm excited is putting it mildly.
  
  
• To some, this vacation might not be exciting. We're not going on a cruise or spending a week in NYC. We're spending 4 days in Orlando, which is about a 2 hour drive from where we live. We're leaving today around lunchtime to drive up there and then will be hitting up 3 parks: Aquatica on Thursday, Disney World on Friday, and Sea World on Saturday.
  
  
• I've never been to Aquatica. It's the newest water park in Florida (this is a total guess, but it's pretty new) and looks like a lot of fun. Plus, the park is opened year-round, unlike Adventure Island which is only open seasonally. (Adventure Island is about 20 minutes from me.)
  
  
• The last time I went to Disney World I was about 11 or 12. I think I grew out of it, after going every year since I was a kid. I wanted the more fun, less "childish" theme parks like Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure, and Busch Gardens. But I am so excited to go back and see how much it's changed and stayed the same.
  
  
• Sea World is by far my favorite theme park. I'm a total animal lover so this fulfills all my needs. The shows are amazing and being so up close to the animals is great. You can pet dolphins and stingrays and feed sea lions and seals. It's a blast.
  
  
• Sadly, I have to wake up early to get my run in. I'm scheduled to run 2 miles and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. I ran on Monday so I wouldn't have to run on Saturday and it was pretty rough. I'm hoping this run will go much better.
  
  
• In any event, it's going to be such a fun vacation! See ya on the flip side, yo.
  

May 2011

“Do you feel a lot of pressure on you to graduate in December?”

My mom posed this question to me over the weekend and it got me thinking. In a way, I do feel pressure but the pressure mainly stems from me. I want to be a college graduate in December. I want to stop living off my mom, get a full-time job and start acting more like an adult. Being a full-time college student and working part-time is no fun at all. I just want to be finished with this phase of my life and make 2011 the year I begin a new era of me.

But that’s not what’s going to happen. It all boils down to the same foreign language crap I’ve been dealing with since I changed my major. Basically, here’s the run-down:

• November 2008: I changed my major from education to journalism. This was also the month I learned that I would be attempting a Bachelor of Arts degree, not a Bachelor of Science which requires 10 hours of a foreign language. With the B.S., taking foreign language in high school would count. I also learned that my financial aid would probably be taken away since I had already attempted so many hours, and that there was an exemption test to exempt out of the language classes. At the time, the exemption test seemed like the best way to go.
• January 2009 – April 2010: I took my journalism classes, with the knowledge of those 10 hours looming in the back of my mind. Still, I did nothing about them and just pretended this pesky little requirement didn’t exist.
• April 2010: Signed up to take Spanish I in the Summer and Spanish II in the Fall, which would keep me at my December graduation date. I wasn’t happy about this decision, as it would lead to another hectic semester when I was hoping to have a little bit of a break.
• May 2010: Found out that I would have to pay $1,600 for my Summer classes, since my financial aid still hadn’t been reinstated, and my scholarship didn’t pay for Summer classes. Freaked out a bit, especially when I received word that I may be dropped from my classes if that money wasn’t paid by the end of the first week of classes. I ended up dropping my Spanish class, and resorting back to learning it myself. Very unhappy with this decision.
• July 24, 2010: Signed up to take Spanish I in the Fall, and Spanish II in the Spring, giving me a May 2011 graduation date.

 

Am I happy about this decision? Yes. Am I at peace? Yes. Am I a procrastinator extraordinaire? Yup.

But I am happy and at peace with this decision, because I think it’s the best one in the long run. I feel less pressure to get everything done in one semester and more relaxed about everything. For the upcoming Fall semester, I’ll have 14 credit hours and we’ll just have to see how it affects my running schedule. I’m keeping it the same for right now.

The good news is that I’ll only have 2 classes during my last semester: Senior Seminar (a class everyone takes during their last semester of college) and Spanish II. That semester will be my easiest yet!

Also, all the fun graduation stuff is gone by the time December rolls around. I’ll get fresh, new, exciting 2011 graduation stuff! At least there’s that.

Training Plan

I've been training for my half-marathon in November for just about a week now and I must say, training is going better than expected. Of course, I’ve only had to run a mile-and-a-half for the four days I’ve had runs scheduled, but I’m still surprised I’ve managed to run that distance after being such a lazy bum at running for the past few years.

I thought I would take time today to detail out my training schedule for the next 4 months so you can see what it looks like and give me advice. Like I mentioned before, I'm using Hal Higdon's 5K and half-marathon plan for the next 19 weeks and the schedule isn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. The longest run I do is 10 miles and I have until November to work up to that.

Coming up with the training plan was incredibly hard and time-consuming. July and most of August was pretty easy and then I had to factor in school and my internship. I redid August-November probably 3-4 times because I don't want to set myself up to fail. I want to do everything in my power to insure I'll be able to train for this successfully and not work myself too hard.

So here's my plan, complete with rest days and cross-training. I'm not as concerned as fitting in cross-training as I am with my runs. I am 110% committed to getting in the 3-4 runs a week, but can also use those cross-training days as a rest day if need be. I really don't have a problem with taking rest days and listening to my body. That's not a big issue for me. The big issue is deciding if I really need a rest day, or if I'm just being lazy.

I have the plan written on a printed-out calendar because I just need a visual representation of everything.





  


 
Some notes:

• NMTZ = No More Trouble Zones, a workout DVD by Jillian Michaels. (AKA: HELL!)
• I followed Hal Higdon’s plan with a few switches, including making sure I had my long runs on Saturday and Sunday. I know I should give myself a shorter run on Saturday and my longest on Sunday, but it just didn’t work with my schedule. Also, I took off the last week of 5K training because I only have 19 weeks until my half, not 20 as I had previously thought.
• Once I school starts back up on August 23rd, my schedule gets a little crazy. (But not as crazy as Spring semester! Yay!) Basically, I tried to schedule my workouts according to what my day at school looked like. And I didn’t want to overwhelm myself.
• Bike/yoga/elliptical relates to cross-training, which Higdon recommends.
• When I start the half training, I’ll be doing 4 runs every other week. On Higdon’s schedule, he gives the option of doing a run or cross-training once a week so I just decided to rotate weeks when I would do one or the other.
• My mom, whose training for a marathon, is running this half-marathon with me. She checked her training schedule to find out she has to run 21 miles on November 21st. I find this extremely hilarious!

I’d love any feedback you guys can give me on the schedule. Did I make it too easy, too hard, just right? Do you have any tips for my long runs? Am I totally crazy for doing this?!

When God Writes Your Love Story

I was in high school when the book I Kissed Dating Good-Bye by Joshua Harris. I was at a point in my life where I was confused about faith and more interested in worldly ideals than ones centered around God. I was boy crazy and wanted to date boys the way everyone else was! Not dating? How do you even find your life partner that way? What a crazy way to think!

But my dating life never seemed to quite pan out the way it does in books and movies. I had crushes but was too shy to do anything about them. For the most part, even talking to a guy was hard for me, much less someone I found attractive. I remained single for most of high school, save for a short relationship that really wasn't much of a relationship at all.

All along, I think I had a longing in me for a different type of love story. A love story you don't find in modern romance novels or chick flicks. One where the guy is handsome and chivalrous and finds me completely delightful, foibles and all. A story about courtship, not dating. This is when I realized I should've been born in the 1800's because it's nearly impossible to find a love story like that anymore.

Nowadays we're more concerned with someone we're completely compatible with, inside the bed and out. We want sex, excitement, and intrigue. Who cares if he opens the door for you, as long as he's carrying a condom in his wallet? We go to bars and sign up for dating services to find Mr. Right Now. And when we do end up biting the bullet and getting married, we spend more time trashing our husbands and talking down about them than we do actually enjoying the moment. It just sickens me when I hear the way some wives and husbands talk about their mates. Don't they realize what a precious gift they've been given, a gift of love?

I know all relationships have their struggles and I'm not naive to believe that when I do find Mr. Right, he's going to be a perfect specimen of man who can do no wrong, cooks me dinner every night, and we never have a fight. I can be a very confrontational person when I feel like it. I can be moody and restless. I'm not always the easiest person to live with. But I've got to believe there's more to love than what I'm seeing. I have to. Otherwise, I'll be content to stay single forever.

A while ago, I placed my love story in the hands of my Heavenly Father. I let go of the pen, let go of all the things I think I want, and gave it up to the One who is going to carve out a love story unlike any other. It's a relief to think that I don't have to do all the work. I don't have to join a dating site or track down every handsome guy I meet for their number. I'm going to let God have his way with this.

I know it's not the most popular way to think and sometimes, it may seem a little kooky and outdated. But I'm not one for going with the popular vote. (I mean, I like Obama!) I want to eek out everything I can get out of love, not limiting myself to what the world thinks I need. To some, I may look like a train wreck. I'm not dating, have never had an active dating life, and don't see fit to immerse myself in that culture. I may be 35 before I meet him, but when I do, the love story will be so amazing, it's going to bring tears to even the most hard of hearts. I believe that.

I'm currently reading a book by the amazing husband-wife team of Eric and Leslie Ludy. Leslie's book Authentic Beauty changed my life. I read it at the lowest point of my life where I was grasping onto God's hand just to get me through the day. The book is about extreme Christianity and how awesome our love story with God can be, if we just give in to it. I'm not totally sold on everything in this book, mainly because it gets very extreme at times. But still, it's a great book and a completely different perspective on our relationship with God. After reading Authentic Beauty, I read When Dreams Come True: A Love Story Only God Could Write which was my first foray in what a God-written love story looks like. Believe me, their story is amazing and this book completely transformed my thinking in what a relationship has to look like.

Back to the book I'm reading now, which is When God Writes Your Love Story. I'm only a few chapters in but the book has captivated my heart. It is classic Ludy-style, written in a way that grabs your attention quickly and keeps it for the duration. It makes me feel a little less kooky about the way I have chosen to go about finding my future husband. I feel a kindred spirit with them, as if somehow I've already become a part of their family. (In a strictly non-stalker type of way.)

I plan on blogging while I read through this book, something I wish I had done while reading Authentic Beauty. I know it's going to change the way I view God and romance.

I don't know if I can ever fully convey the awesome wonder of what it was like to have a God-written love story. During my entire romance with Eric, I was so aware of the fact that it was God who was leading each step, guiding each conversation, painting each sunset, and standing over us with a smile. The cheap, imitation romance I'd known before simply could not be compared to this new kind of love I had discovered. I was daily amazed that I had come from a place of heartbreak, confusion, and compromise in relationships, to a dream come true. I had discovered a kind of divine love that can't even be found in fairy tales, simply by giving God the pen of my life's story and allowing Him to write each chapter. --Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story

My Writing Niche

I'm 19 days into my Creativity Challenge and after a stellar first week where major writing was happening and I felt my writing mojo come back, everything has seemed to come to a screeching halt. I don't have any desire to open my writing, my thoughts are jumbled, and I feel like I'm slipping farther and farther away from the writer I want to be.

I think the problem ultimately stems from the fact that I really don't know what kind of writing I want to do. I flip-flop between Christianity and mainstream. From chick lit to romantic suspense to tween fiction. I feel like I have all these amazing ideas and all these amazing characters who want their stories heard, yet I can't find it in myself to pick just one story, stick with it, and write.

If I were to just sit down and write all the story ideas that have been bouncing around in my head for the past few years, I'm sure the number would be in the 30's. Some of those stories are lame and I need to just trash them. Some of those stories would require hours and hours of research and interviews to make it authentic. Some of those stories seem so good, they make my head spin. And they all fall under some different type of genre.

For all intents and purposes, I want to write for a Christian publisher. I know the types of books I want to write will be centered around faith and the struggles that entails. I don't want to write cheap Christian fiction, where the protagonist never seems to struggle much with real faith issues, such as purity and this tug-of-war played with worldly ideals. I want to write a different type of Christian fiction, something I haven't seen too much in Christian novels.

Since that's settled, I now have to figure out what story I want to write.

• Do I want to write a chick-lit novel, which means writing with a lot more sass and humor than I usually do. My personality is perfect chick lit, but honestly, I can never seem to get my sassy personality to show in my blog. I feel like I'm much more subdued and serious on my blog. (Am I? Or am I sassy?!) I have tons of good ideas for this one but I really feel that it takes a special writer to write good chick lit. And I consider good chick lit to fall under Judy Baer and Kristen Billerbeck stock. (And if you haven't read a book by them, you are missing out.)
• Maybe I want to write for a teen audience. Deep inside of me, tucked in a place that nobody gets access to, is this passion for teenagers. It's a small flame and something I don't talk about a lot. There's just something about teens, especially ones who struggle with faith, that gets to me. If I wrote a book for this audience, it would definitely be a little risky since I want to talk about real issues that real teens face. I don't want to sugarcoat anything, just because it's Christian fiction.
• There's a part of me who wouldn't mind writing a more romantic type of story, a la Denise Hunter and Rachel Hauck. A story with a more serious side to it, but devoid of all the cheesiness many romance novels have. Just a powerful story about redemption and love.

I'm still not sure what my niche is. And I'm not sure how I can keep writing if I don't know this very vital part of my writing. But I do have a more concrete idea of what three genre's interest me the most.

Now it's up to me to just write. I have stories. I have an abundance of stories. Now I need to dig through these stories and find the one that suits me the best and I feel I can write the most honestly about.

The Word Loan Isn't Always a Dirty Word

As I mentioned last week, I'm drowning in credit card debt. It feels surreal to think that, to know that I jumped off the deep end when it comes to finances and ended up here.

All throughout my life, my parents struggled with money. We shouldn't have struggled with two working adults, but with my dad's gambling problem, we did. He would gamble away his check and my mom was left to pay all our bills and extra expenses on her daycare teacher's pay. It wasn't easy. We were evicted out of many apartments. I learned at an early age the concept of money and the fact that we didn't have a lot of it. I never told my mom that I wanted to be in Girl's Scouts or join a baton-twirling team (every year, we would be given information to join a team. Stop laughing.) because of the money issues. As much as I loved going on field trips, I hated letting my mom know she would have to fork over some money to pay for it.

The truth is, we weren't destitute. We never went hungry, we always had a place to stay, and we always got new clothes at the beginning of school. I just had innate understanding that we were always struggling and didn't have a lot of extra money laying around. I knew I couldn't ask my mom for a new outfit every week and I was sixteen before I had my first cell phone.

I promised myself that I would never find myself in debt. I would work hard to make sure I never made the same mistakes as my parents. Credit cards would not even be an option for me. I would be financially stable.But I slowly began accumulating my credit cards. In May 2006, after I opened up a checking account with my bank, they gave me the option of starting a credit card. I talked it over with the financial adviser and my mom and decided to do it, only because it would help my credit. Over the next two years, I was extremely responsible with it. I would use it and then pay it off every month. I was never late on a payment.


In the spring of 2008, I was outside of Old Navy one Sunday with my mom, waiting for it to open. My mom had recently gotten an Old Navy credit card for $300 and gosh darnit, it was warming up outside! I wanted some new, summery clothes! (Probably not the best way to go about applying for a credit card...) I thought I would get a credit card around $300-$500. Never would I expect getting approved for a $2,500 credit card.

Right there, I should've put on the brakes. Aside from school loans, I had never been responsible for that amount of money in my life. And not only was it a lot of money, it was a credit card with a lot of money. Even. Worse. Over that spring and summer, I fluctuated between jobs and the job I did have didn't offer me a lot of hours. (Plus, that was the summer that gas was close to $4.00 a gallon and I was traveling up to Tampa for a class twice a week.) So I was using that credit card like it was going out of style and paying the minimum payment every month.

But I was paying it. Every month.


In August 2008, a few weeks before I was supposed to start my final internship, I applied for a Target credit card to buy some more professional clothes for teaching. Like the Old Navy card, this is also a card decision I made spur of the moment and it wasn't a good idea. Luckily, I was only approved for $300 but I quickly used that up. The interest rate is ridiculous and I've been late quite a few times, giving me $30 extra a month I have to pay.

The only card I've paid on time consistently is my bank credit card. The other two have been maxed out repeatedly. I'm working towards paying off my Target credit card as it's the one with the lowest balance and would be the easiest to pay off. My Old Navy credit card is with a collection agency - something that makes my heart break in two every time I think about that.

Over the past 2 years, I've done little to get myself out of credit card debt. From August 2008 - February 2009, I was out of work and that's when my cards got out of hand. I still managed to pay my Target and bank credit cards every month, since the minimum was $10-$20. But for my Old Navy credit card, with a minimum payment of $80, I couldn't do it. So I would pay when I could, but it was never consistent. And even when I started working again, I didn't do the responsible thing and put a lot of money towards my credit cards. Part of it was our finances, we were living above our means and I had to help out. Part of it was school, having to pay for my own books and part of my tuition.

So that's the past. That's what I've done and how I've gotten to where I am now. I'm focused on getting in control of my debt and getting rid of these credit cards. (Well, I am looking to keep my bank credit card since I do still want to have a card for my credit.) Kyla has mentioned considering a consolidation loan a few times. The word loan sounds like a dirty word to me, and the word consolidation sounds too financial for me to contemplate. So I just brushed her off the first time, thinking I don't really have that much in debt. (That's always a scary way of thinking. Any debt is too much.)


I talked it over with my mom this weekend and it sounds like a pretty good idea. The way she explained it was that if the bank were to give me a CL, they would pay off my credit cards and then I would owe them the money they paid. It would be taken straight out of my account each month. It really sounds like a great idea because there are times it feels so overwhelming to think of how much debt I have to pay and the fact that I have to deal with a collection agency.

I'm thinking seriously about applying for the loan. I think it would help me get this whole debt mess straightened out and give me a solid plan to paying it off.

Have you ever gotten a consolidation loan? Have you ever been in any kind of debt? How have you gotten out of it?

Wherein I Do Something Crazy

I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not a runner. For the most part, I don't enjoy it save a few rare runs where I feel awesome before, during, and after. It takes everything in me to lace up my shoes and hit the road. And I fail terribly at beating the mind game.

So what I'm going to say next it going to sound a little crazy.

I'm signing up to run a half-marathon in November.

Did you get that, Interwebs? I. AM. SIGNING. UP. TO. RUN. A. HALF. MARATHON. IN. NOVEMBER.

Hello, who is this girl? I can barely run one mile and I want to shoot for 13 in just 5 short months? I have to be crazy.

Crazy as I am, I'm going to do this. I saw a commercial on TV advertising a half-marathon in my city on November 21st and an idea started forming in my head of signing up. Never in my life have I thought I would want to run a half-marathon. I don't have the same love and passion for running as my mom does, or as many runners I've come across do. I do it because it's good exercise.

But I was drawn to this idea. I was drawn to being able to say I'm training for a half-marathon, run it with a bunch of women, and say I've run a half-marathon. The goal isn't to run for the entire 13.1 miles. The goal is to train successfully and do the best I can, even if it means frequent walking breaks.

There is a part of me that's excited and a part of me that's nervous. Running a half-marathon is no joke and I think I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. Who says I can't run a half-marathon? Nobody but myself. I'm my own worst enemy, giving myself limits and telling myself I can't do it. The less vocal but more confident side of me wants to banish that voice forever. If I can do this, I can do anything. I just have to prove it to myself first.

I'm using Hal Higdon's plans for training for your first 5K and training for your first half-marathon. The 5K plan is 8 weeks long and the half plan is 12 weeks long. My half-marathon is 20 weeks away. Perfect, no? So I'll be starting off with his 5K plan this week, with a few tweaks of adding my own exercise in on rest days.

I still think I'm absolutely crazy for doing this. But I also think I'm incredibly brave and I'm just going to hold on to that image of me crossing the finish line throughout the next 5 months to keep me motivated.

But I'm really going to need new running shoes now.

Two Game Nights, Two Sets of Twins, and a Lazy Sunday

I don’t typically do weekend recap posts, mainly because my weekends usually consist of a lot of sleep, blog reading, and cleaning. But this weekend was drastically different. I actually did stuff. It felt great.

Friday night was, by far, one of the most fun nights I’ve had in a very long time. Here’s the short back story: Tamy is a good, good friend of our family who used to baby-sit my mother and her brothers when they were younger. She used to live in St. Pete. Tamy then went on to marry and have her own kids. My mom baby-sat for her kids. My mom went on to marry and have my brother and I. One of Tamy’s daughters, Talyse, baby-sat for us. The last time I saw Talyse, I was five years old. About a year or so ago, we all reconnected on The Facebook. Then I found out Talyse has a BLOG! So while this isn’t technically meeting a blog friend (since she’s actually a real life friend, first), it was my first experience of meeting someone via the blogosphere. Everyone always talks about how meeting someone whose blog you read is different than meeting someone any other way because you know them already. This statement is totally true, social disaster that I am. I felt immediately comfortable and at ease with Talyse and meeting her babies felt like meeting celebrities I just read about weekly! There they were – in person! (And, ohmygod, they are adorable. I just wanted to gobble them up.)

We spent some time with the babies, who are amazing miracles born at 29.5 weeks. They spent 55 days in the NICU and are just proof of God’s grace and mercy of how far they’ve come since then. They’re 18 months now and so darn precious. Kyran is the flirt and has no problem attaching to other people. He’s silly and goofy and cuddly. Karyssa is a lot more reserved than him and is very shy. Surprisingly, she warmed up to my mom rather quickly – proving that she’s still got it. Karyssa was still a little unsure about me, but Kyran became my new BFF within 5 seconds so it’s all good. 

Once the babies were asleep, and by asleep I mean she simply put them in their playpens and walked out of the room, it was time for games! For the next four or so hours, we played Apples to Apples. We had a good-sized group of 7 people, which I think makes the game a lot more fun. I’ve been wanting to play this game but we never have enough people to play it the right way. There are a lot of 4+ games we can tweak to make them 2-person or 3-person games, but A2A is not one of them. Anyway, it was such a fun game! I had a blast with reading the ridiculous answers, giving ridiculous answers, lobbying for my ridiculous answers, and laughing way too much. My face and sides hurt from all the laughter!

We didn’t leave the condo until 12:30am, which is LATE for me. I felt like a wild woman! Since my mom had to be at work early in the morning & Talyse and everyone was leaving to travel back to South Carolina the next day, we had to pack it in early. (Well, early for all normal 20somethings.) It was a fun night and I wish Talyse lived around here so we could visit more often. Just having a few hours was not enough.

I slept in until 12:30pm on Saturday, which felt AWESOME. We ended up having my 15-year-old cousins come over for a game night, which was loads of fun. I love these girls fiercely and I don’t spend as much time with them as I should. They’re growing up and are so much fun to be around. We can be totally sarcastic with one another in one breath, and in the next, totally deep and introspective with our thoughts. My mom and I want to make this a more common thing and have made some plans for the future. They are awesome girls, with the same issues and thoughts that most fifteen-year-olds are dealing with, and I just want to be there for them when they need a soft place to land.

We ordered pizza. (Yes, I had pizza two nights in a row.) And then settled in for a night of games. We played Buzzword, Mad Gab, and Clue. We also talked a lot. I think they needed a night like this, so I’m hoping to do it more and more so they know they have my mom & me if they would ever need anything.

Sunday was a lazy day, where I talked my mom into skipping church and going out to breakfast. And then we basically watched some TV, read, and napped. I love Sundays were you can just be lazy and recharge from the weekend to get ready for a busy week ahead. It felt wonderful.

I’m starting back at my internship this week, working for 3 hours, 2 days a week. I’m excited to get back and feel the energy and challenge from the projects again. And I miss the atmosphere and people! It’ll be nice to not be so lazy every day. I’m looking forward to it, even if it does mean missing out on afternoon naps.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday. I've pretty much hit the jackpot in the mom department, as much as I've stunk it up in the dad department. My mom is my best friend, my biggest fan, and someone I spend 90% of my time with. She's an amazing woman so I thought I would share some memories I have of her.

Remembering...

• ...the time when she walked into Sports Fan Attic during the holiday season to buy my brother a Michael Vick jersey. The only ones she saw were for the Atlanta Falcons but she knew my brother's favorite team was the San Fransisco 49ers. Confused, she asked a worker if "there was a Michael Vick who played for the 49ers." My brother and I still have not let my mom live this one down, and we constantly tease her about it.
  
• ...the time when the three of us were playing "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?" and she was asked the question: "What has a lot of sand, but very little water." Her answer: a sand box. (You can tell she taught preschool for a bajillion years! Also, she's going to kill me for this getting out. Hehe.)
• ...the time when the three of us were walking back to our apartment during the holiday season and saw a bunch of kids acting crazy with shopping carts. We were all annoyed, only to laugh hysterically when my mom burst out with: "I hope they spend Christmas in jail!" This is her best one-liner yet.
• ...the time when the three of us had just moved into a condo, months after she left my dad. She was stressed over the move and dealing with a lot of other issues and my brother could be a bit of a pain. We were sitting down, eating dinner, and I'm not sure what was happening at the time, but I do remember my mom telling my brother, very calmly and patiently, "Mark, get in your room before I say something I regret." Not 5 seconds later, she bursts out, "Mark, get your ass in your room." (My mom does not curse and still gasps when something pops out of my mouth, which makes this all the more funny.)
  
• ...the time when she made the hardest decision of her life: leaving my father. To this day, it's the best decision she ever made. She has done so much in her life since divorcing him, while my dad has continued down a downward spiral.
• ...the time when she received a hand-me-down, but beautiful, bedroom set which included a queen size bed with headboard and two nightstands. Not even thinking of herself, that she had been sleeping on a lumpy, daybed and could definitely use (and deserve!) a new bed, she gave it to me. She kept it as a surprise until I came home on Christmas break from college and I was shocked beyond belief. And she is still sleeping on that lumpy daybed.
• ...the time when she completely changed her life, and managed to lose 80 pounds doing so. She sometimes gets down on herself because she still falls back on old habits and it's not any easier now than it was 3 years ago, but she's managed to keep most of it off, save 10 or so pounds. She's such a different person than she was in 2006 and an inspiration to so many people. (She's also the unofficial Weight Watchers expert at work. I told her she needed to start having meetings & charging her co-workers!)
• ...the time when she decided to change careers. She was burned out from teaching preschool and needed a change. So she took action over her life and did it. She didn't whine about how she hated her job and wanted something new. She did it. While I still think the preschool world lost an angel when she quit, she's doing something she enjoys and is good at.
  
• ...the time when I made the decision to change majors, even though I was 75% with my schooling to become an elementary school teacher. When I made the decision, I was scared about what my mom would say. I knew she would support me, but I also knew I was asking a lot out of her. And when I told her, I received nothing but love and support. She has never made me question my choice of switching majors, but has shown me it was the best decision for me.
• ...the time(s) that she has pushed me, over and over again, to show me that I can do it. She has given me all the love she has in her heart, all the support she has, and all the dedication. Never once have I doubted she loves me. Never once have I doubted she would support me. Never once have I been afraid to talk to her about problems.
  

Happy birthday, Mom! You are amazing and epitomize what a mother should be.

Finances, Faith, and Health

A little more than 6 months ago, I sat down at my computer and came up with a list of resolutions for the New Year. I've never been big on setting resolutions since I know they're scoffed at and never accomplished. By the third week of January, you fall back onto your old habits and forget what you even said you wanted to do.

The first year I ever really sat down, thought it through, and came up with a list of resolutions for the new year, was in 2009. I came up with the cute idea of "9 Resolutions for 2009". Unfortunately, I didn't achieve any of the resolutions I came up with. Last year was a pretty mediocre year for me and I really tried to focus on areas of my life that I felt the most out of control with, and what I needed to do to fix them.

Area #1: Finances
I have three credit card bills. Credit limits on them are: $300, $500, and $2,500. The credit card with the largest limit, we'll call it PIMA, I haven't paid for in a good 6 months. My minimum payment is through the roof, I owe more than $2,500, and it's sitting in a collection agency. This is never a scenario I thought I would be in. Ever. My parents dealt with the same money problems and I always swore I would never be like them. For now, though, PIMA is a credit card I pretend I don't have.

The other two are much more manageable. I'm working on paying off the lowest one first but I should probably tell you that this credit card is from Target. Meaning I can go into Target and be all, "I HAVE FREE MONEY! WOOHOO!" I mean, you all know how tough it is not to spend over $50 at Target when you don't have a credit card...imagine having a credit card to be used solely at Target. Earlier this year, I had my balance about $100 away from being paid off. And then I used it. I have a little less than $200 until it's paid off, but it probably won't get paid off until September at the earliest. Once I do get this paid off, I'm cutting it up and getting rid of it for good. It's really a useless credit card and charges an insane finance charge.

My middle credit card was the one I received from my bank when I opened at checking account in May 2006. Up until this past year, I've been good about using it and then paying off the balance the next month. And then things got a little crazy with me being out of work for 6 months in 2008 and I'm still hovering just about the maxed-out zone. I want to get this one back up to it's $500 balance and this is the only credit card, once I pay off PIMA, that I want to keep. The balance is one where I can't go crazy and rack up thousands of dollars, plus it has a lot more incentive to keep than do Target/PIMA. I'm hoping to have this one taken care of by the end of the year.

Area #2: Faith
I've had long and detailed blog posts, discussing this portion of my life. Suffice it to say, I'm a lazy Christian. I have faith, I know what I believe in, but I don't put forth the effort in the relationship. I just meander along, attending church and reading my Bible once a month but that's about it. I don't pray (unless I have to), I don't have a consistent Bible study life, and I don't do anything to grow my faith.

I also think I'm suffering from the Perfect Christian Syndrome, where I want every area of my faith walk to be perfect. I want to be totally involved in the World, totally involved in church, and totally head-over-heels for God. I need to slow down, remind myself that I am human, and focus on the little things.

Area #3: Health
Here's the part where I roll my eyes, bang my head against the desk, and whine that "fat is in." While I have great weeks where the pounds seem to be flying off, my clothes feel amazing on my body, and I have no temptation whatever...lately it seems to be one temptation after the other. I've gained about 4 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I'm giving myself headaches because I'm thinking so hard about not giving into the temptations to where I just say "Screw it" and eat the junk.

I've come to realize how dependent I am upon Weight Watchers. The weeks where there's no meeting scheduled due to holidays, I fall apart. I try to be good, but then I realize there's no weigh-in so it's a free-for-all. (And by the way, be good? Why do I call it being good? Shouldn't being good be normal for me?!) I was thinking of stopping WW and trying to do it on my own and be motivated by my own accomplishments, not because Phil's going to weigh me in on Sunday morning and I do not want to hear, "You're up a little this week," one more time. But after a pretty bad day of eating junk, I know I need WW. If it keeps me healthy, then it's worth it.

I realize my blog seems to be turning into some sort of goal journal where I just write down what I want to accomplish in the next 30 days or whatever time frame I give it. I was hesitant to write this post because it seems to be repetitive of the last few weeks. But I did it because I'm done with setting goals I have no intention of achieving. I need to focus on these three areas first, making small changes that lead to bigger ones, before I can figure out other parts of my life.

So here we go: I'm going to write down 3 goals, each relating to the 3 areas, with no time frame giving for completing them. I'm just going to keep these goals in mind and I won't set a new one until I have either achieved the goal or feel as if I did.

Area #1: Finance
I want to pay off my Target credit card. When this is paid off, I will focus on setting a new goal in this area. For now, my only focus is Target.

Area #2: Faith
I want to have a consistent Bible study time. Even though I know there are other areas I need to work on, for now I want to just focus on getting in 15-20 minutes a day with God. Once I feel that this is a natural part of my day, I can focus on other goals.

Area #3: Health
I want to be a consistent exercise-r. Those weeks where I just completely fall off the wagon, I seem to find it easy to fall off the exercise wagon as well. I want to exercise 5 days a week for at least an hour, even on those weeks where I know I'm going to gain weight on the scale. This is a health journey, not a weight loss journey. I need to remember that.

Who knows when I'll update again?! I promise to wait awhile before I talk about my goals again. I want to have at least accomplished one of these before I set new ones. The first goal will be easy to know when I accomplished it, but the other two will take a lot of self-awareness on my end to know when I feel I've formed these habits.

The bottom line is, these are the goals I'm setting for myself with no timeline in place. I think it will do wonders for my happiness and well-being if I can achieve them and form habits from them.

What are your thoughts on goals? Do you set them and tell the world (like I obviously do)? Do you keep them to yourself? Do you think goals are overrated?

USA! USA! USA!

The Fourth of July will go down as one of my Top Five Favorite Holidays. For one, I am a proud American. For another, I get chills when I see everyone coming together to celebrate our nation's birthday, having BBQ's and picnics and settling in for awesome fireworks shows.

In some respects, USA doesn't have a lot going for it. Our economy sucks, the cost of living is out of this world, we have way too many people than we know what to do with, we have no idea what to do with this immigration problem, we're responsible for the largest oil spill in U.S. history, and we think it's perfectly acceptable to bash the leader of our country. We're lazy, inconsiderate, snobby, and ruthless. We always want what we can't have and we're never perfectly satisfied with what we've got. We have an obesity epidemic and an insane crime rate.

Yet I am proud to be called an American. I am proud to be a citizen of this amazing country. Our history may not be as vast and rich as other countries, but what we have done is just a little over 200 years is incredible. We have fought through the Depression, multiple world wars, presidents being murdered, terrorism attacks, recession, and slavery. Did we come here on the best terms? No. Have other nations had it worse and are still struggling more than we can ever imagine? Yes. But there is something in the American soul that breeds a conquering spirit. We are survivors, we will continue to be survivors, and we don't need to depend on the president to do so. (My opinion on his job, and how people are reacting to him, is a whole 'nother post.)

Our country has something for everyone. Not a fan of cold weather? Move to Florida, where we only dip into the 30's a few weeks into the year. Love the mountains, skiing, and curling up by the fire? Move to Colorado or Virginia or Wisconsin. Love the hustle and bustle of city life? Move to NYC or Chicago. Want a more quiet, country life? We have those as well.

There are so many opportunities for advancement in this country. We have state-of-the-art schools and universities, some of the best medical centers in the world, and so many ways to make a difference. Yeah, we're dealing with unemployment and people out of work, but I still have faith that we're going to get through this and we're going to get back on our feet.

We have sports. Boy, do we have sports! We are a sports-loving country, that's for sure. We love to rally around our U.S.A. teams during the Olympics and World Cup. We have the best sport in the history of sports: football. (Real, tough, knock-you-down football.) You can't walk too far without seeing someone wearing sports paraphernalia.

There is so much to do in this great country. There is so much to see. You could travel for ages and never really uncover everything the U.S.A. has to offer. Our country may not be the biggest in the world, but it is packed with tourist destinations, beaches, shopping malls, parks, sports stadiums, museums, amusement parks, etc.

I love our country. My heart swells with pride whenever I see our flag. I get choked up hearing the National Anthem. My palms get sweaty whenever I see one of our military men, with everything I want to say to them, all the ways I want to thank them. I get annoyed when people bash our president because the lack of respect astounds me.

We are the U.S.A. We are survivors. We are conquerors. And we are going to rise above this recession, oil spill crisis, and health care dilemma to show the world that you can't keep us down for very long.

Happy birthday, America.

July.

 

LOOKING BACK

Tracking – I think I did a lot better with tracking than usual. I was super serious and super strict for about 3 weeks, tracking down my meals, exercising 4-5 times a week, and not going above my extra points. But now I feel so burned out from it all. I think I’m getting to the point where I just want to give up. This has happened to me so many times before that I’m trying to just ride this out, but it’s hard.

A Mess of Emotions – This month has been an eventful one emotionally. My emotions have been all over the place, making me feel like a crazy person. One moment I’m happy and giddy, the next I just want to punch out a wall. I don’t know what’s up with that, but I’m hoping that making more time to achieve all the goals I set for myself and less time to be lazy, it helps.

Running – I’ve fallen back in love with running this month. (But shh! Don’t tell my mom!) As I mentioned before, I’m running around 6am on Saturday mornings and 5:30am on Sunday mornings. And I. Love. It. It feels so good to run that early in the morning and the heat isn’t nearly as suffocating. While I’m not running a mile yet, I enjoying the (extremely) short distances I can run right now.

Quiet Time – I’ve actually managed to have a few days of quiet, Bible study time this month. Not as much as I need to, and not as consistent as I’d like to be, but it’s better than usual. Now that I’ve set out a specific bedtime pattern, it’s much easier to fit this in.

THIS JULY, I WILL…

Take a mini-vacation – If all goes according to plan, my mom and I will be taking a little mini-vacation to Orlando at the end of the month. We have season passes to Sea World and are hoping to check out my mom’s race path while we’re there, as well as spending a day at Disney World. I haven’t been to Disney World in forever! And I know I have a special blog friend who lives in Orlando! Meet-up?!

Get to bed at 9:30 most nights – I’m shooting for 5 nights a week, mainly on the days I have to wake up at 4:30-5am. I really love going to bed at a decent hour and getting a good, solid 7 hours of sleep. I’m still ridiculously tired during the day and I don’t know if it’s just not getting enough sleep at night, or an iron deficiency. I’m just hoping that getting more sleep at night will help me feel more energetic during the day. We shall see.

Be creative - As I mentioned yesterday, I’m taking on Ashley’s Creativity Challenge where I’m going to challenge myself to get serious about my novel. I can’t even call it a work in progress because all it’s been doing is sitting in a file folder for over a year. I haven’t put any effort into working on it so I’m excited to get started and start outlining my book.

Make a budget – My mom and I have talked so many times about creating a budget. And we have. We’ve created a few budgets but we never stick to them. And while I would love to go through Financial Peace University, it’s just not in the budget right now. (Oh, yeah. Pun totally intended.) I want to take some of his tips and tricks that I heard through other people who have been through FPU to get ourselves on track. (Anybody have any tips for me? Anybody been through FPU and want to help a girl out?!)

Learn Spanish – I have some books and audio tapes to pick up from the library to help me learn this language. I did take 3 years of it in middle school and high school so I’m hoping it’ll start coming back to me more and more as I start hearing it and dedicating myself to learning it again.