Fighting a “Losing” Battle

source

I can get easily caught up in everything I’m doing wrong on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. I can get caught up in the fact I am nowhere near my goal weight I set for myself back in January, or that it’s still a struggle for me to go to the gym after work, or that I’m still not drinking my recommended ounces of water daily. I could go on, but you know what? Why dwell on that? Why beat myself for up for everything I’m not doing when there are things I AM doing right.

I exercise at least four times a week.

Every since I joined a gym, exercise has become a part of my everyday routine. I never thought I would be able to call myself a gym rat, but I totally am. My gym membership doesn’t come cheap, but I get way more out of exercise than I did when I didn’t have a membership. When I didn’t have a membership, I was “running” a few times a week (never longer than 30 minutes), using our apartment gym (consisting of a treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike), and occasionally using exercise DVDs. I got in my exercise, but my gym membership allows me to do so much more with my workouts. And I now feel as if a 30-minute workout is taking it easy.

I am mindful of my portion sizes.

One of the best things I ever learned from Weight Watchers was measuring out portion sizes. About two years ago, I bought my mom a food scale and I implore anyone who is looking to lead a healthier lifestyle to buy one of these. It makes measuring out correct servings of meat and noodles so much easier. Before I got a food scale, everything was done by eyeballing food and that was never giving me accurate sizes. I measure out just about every single food I eat and believe me, it was a little scary when I saw what a 1 oz cookie really looks like. It’s time-consuming and not always fun, but it’s extremely necessary in my journey to lose weight and be healthy.

I drink less soda.

I’m still not completely off soda, although I want to be! I’ve tried the cold turkey route but I go through bad withdrawals when I do that. I know you just need to get over that hump, but I’ve never been able to. Instead, I’m cutting down on my intake. I do ridiculously well during the week (one can a day) but falter a little on the weekends. But it’s still less than what I was drinking before. On average, I would probably drink about 4-5 sodas a day so dropping down to one a day is a major accomplishment. And I’m also starting to go days without one at all! (This is HUGE for me!) I know I am addicted to drinking soda, so it’s hard, but I’m also learning it’s doable.

I am mindful of what I eat.

Sometimes, I have major slip-ups. (Like a month ago, when I bought a box of Pop-Tarts to eat for breakfast. Not the healthiest of selections but I haven’t had Pop-Tarts since I was a kid!) But more often than not, I look closely at the nutrition facts and ingredients in a food. There are certain foods I don’t even think of buying due to their fat or sugar content. I know what qualifies as healthy and what qualifies as unhealthy. (Which can sometimes be tricky, thanks to questionable packaging.)

I am not giving up.

Through all of this, the ups and downs, the slip-ups and the losses and gains on the scale, I am still doing it. I’m not giving up, I’m not quitting. Even if I “quit” for a week or two, I brush myself up and get back on the horse. I keep going, I keep fighting. It’s been the hardest battle I’ve ever faced, but I will not give up on it. My health is too important to give up on.

What is the hardest battle you’ve had to face?

Fill in the Blank Friday (1)

First and foremost, for everyone wanting to be involved in #twookclub (hashtag suggested by Tabitha and it’s a keeper!), I’ve created a group on Goodreads as a place to discuss happenings, vote on the monthly book, and just talk in general. It’s a private group for now (and I need a picture. That question mark is bothering me!) so if I haven’t requested for you to join, follow this link to ask! Everyone is welcome! And the poll for November book is up, you have until Sunday to vote.

I’ve decided to participate in Lauren’s Fill-In-the-Blank Friday for the first time! It looks like fun and I’m all about taking it easy on Friday. :) Here we go!

1. When I was a kid I wanted to be an author when I grew up. (Yes! I’ve always known I’ve wanted to write. When I was younger, I had notebooks upon notebooks of story ideas, character notes, and plot outlines.)

2. As an adult, my dream job would be to be able to make a living as a published author. (See what I did there?)

3. When I was younger, I wanted to be like the other girls who seemed to have the perfect lives with no fighting parents, no money issues, no insecurities. (Of course, I know this wasn’t true and I know they had their own issues, but on the outside, their lives seemed magical.)

4. The childhood Halloween costume I remember most was when I was a witch. (Mostly because my mom hated it and it was a hand-me-down that was too long for me and I kept tripping over at school.)

5. My favorite childhood toy was my Barbies, of course!

6. The time I got into the biggest amount of trouble when I was a kid was when I ...I’m not sure. I got in trouble for little things (like the time my brother and I woke up one morning and decided to paint my dad’s speakers with nail polish) but nothing major. I do remember once getting in trouble and my mom taking away my TV privileges, my computer privileges, AND MY BOOKS! That was the worst punishment ever.

7. I get daily inspiration from bloggers and my mom.

Happy Friday, friends! When you were a kid, what time did YOU get into the biggest amount of trouble?

Wine and Love, V.8

Hosted by Nora!

Wine-ing about...
This could fall under the love category more than the wine category but my mom and I have been bombarded with fundraisers from work and my own nephew. (Yes, my three-year-old nephew is fundraising for his school.) Through all the fundraisers, we will receive one tin of chocolate-covered pretzels, one tin of Reese’s-like candies, a pack of Auntie Ann’s pretzels, and four tubs of cookie dough. Four. Tubs. Of. Cookie. Dough. I think I may as well kiss any end-of-year weight loss good-bye between that, the holidays, and my birthday.

I’m still not over Miami losing to Denver. I didn’t expect us to win. (At 0-5 before this game, you really stop believing in the W.) But we were up 15-0 with 3 minutes left in the 4th quarter. And yet we somehow managed to let Tim Tebow score two touchdowns, a two-point conversion, and take us into overtime. Which we lost, because Miami doesn’t play past the 4th quarter. (Overtime? Forget it!) Of course, we could have won if Miami could score a friggin touchdown. But they can’t and they lost and Mike Tirico called it the “Tebow game” on Monday Night Football. Right now, I’ll be happy to go 2-14. And that’s just sad.

Loving...

I’m really excited about the response to the Twitter book chat. The book suggestions were fantastic and I had the best time looking up what each and every one was about. I’m still not sure how I’m going to choose just FIVE for everyone to vote on, but keep your eye out for the poll tomorrow! (And you can still put in your suggestions - or second what others have suggested - if you want!)

I know I may be in the minority with this, but I am loving all the holiday decorations up in the stores. Yes, it’s only October but I only get this time for a couple months out of the year and I want as much time to enjoy it as possible. I went into Bath and Body Works on Friday and it was so wonderful to see all the holiday decorations and new holiday scents. Ahhhh! I had this happy little feeling in the pit of my belly the entire time I was there. Nothing compares to the holiday season, in my book.

I went two days without soda this week! This is my longest stretch without soda in a very long time. I am terribly addicted to it but I know how bad it is for me. I know quitting cold turkey doesn’t work for me, so I’ve worked on dropping how much I drink a day. I’ve been able to cut down to one a day over the past two months and now I’m looking at cutting one or two days a week where I don’t have any at all. I want to get to the point where I don’t depend on it, or need it. I think, more than anything, it’s more of a comfort for me than something I crave. (Surprisingly, I didn’t get a caffeine headache until 53 hours in, which is shocking for me, since it’s usually less than 24 hours in that I get them.)

What’s on your wine and love list this week?

Ten on...Wednesday

1. What is the worst compliment you have ever received?
I get comments a lot on how quiet I am or how young I look. Those can be good and bad. Sometimes, it's hard to go places and people think you're 15 or 16 when you're actually well into your twenties. And whenever I get "complimented" on how quiet I am, it always feels like they say it like it's a bad thing. For a long time, I felt like my quietness was a bad quality to myself but now I know it's not. I love my quiet nature now, although I have my chatty/loud moments!

2. Did you/would you tell everyone the name of your baby before they were born, keep it a secret, or not choose until after they were born?
I would probably tell close family, but I don't think I would tell everyone. I tend to let others' opinions affect me too much so I know if other people hated the name, it would cause me to wonder if it was the right one. Plus, all the "Oh, I used to know a so-and-so and he was a demon child..." remarks would get on my nerves.

3. What is your favorite candle smell?
Anything but vanilla or the super sweet smells that Bath & Body Works is selling now for the holidays.

4. What is the best birthday/Christmas gift you received when you were pregnant or the best birthday/Christmas gift you gave a pregnant person that was really appreciated?
I have no idea. I've never been pregnant nor have I gifted too many pregnant women. The only one that comes to mind is my sister-in-law, which I'm sure were appreciated, but none of the gifts really stand out for me.

5. Who was your favorite teacher?
I think the teacher who impacted me the most was my fifth-grade teacher, Mrs. Chapman. She had a fun, laid-back personality but she also knew how to lay down the law. I learned so much from her and she made the year so fun. She's the reason I wanted to go into teaching (even though that career path didn't seem to work out...).

6. What is the best game/activity you have ever played at a baby shower?
The only baby showers I remember going to are my aunt's when my cousin was born (I was younger than 10) and my SIL's for my nephew. At my SIL's, we played a game where everyone was given a pacifier on a necklace when they entered and anytime you saw someone crossing their arms, you could take their pacifier necklace (and any more they had collected). I had an entire competition with another girl who was there, but she won, in the end. Sigh. Such a fun game, though!

7. What was your major in college and did you end up using it in your career?
Journalism and Media Studies, although my diploma says "Communications". I do not plan on using my journalism degree in any form, although I do use the communications/media part of my degree to some extent.

8. What is a beauty product you swear by?
I love Cetaphil for facial cleaner/moisturizer. I used to use it twice a day religiously and made my skin clear up and feel so much better, but I got away from that. And I also use BareEscentuals for my make-up, which I love. It covers nicely and I barely even remember I'm wearing make-up when I have it on.

9. What is the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you?
Holding a door open for me. It's a simple thing, isn't it? Common courtesy? But so many people don't do this and it drives me nuts. When they do (especially if I'm farther away than needed to keep the door open), it brightens up my day!

10. If you could recommend one new baby necessity, what would it be?
I’m not a mom, but one of my favorite local radio DJ's just became one and she called in to the show one morning and said the best gift she got was someone to clean her house. She left with her baby and when she came back, her house was sparkly clean! So, I'm guessing that! Hehe.

Questions found here.

Twitter Book Chat

source

This past summer, I somehow managed to read through the entire Harry Potter series. It was a big undertaking, but the best part of the entire thing were the weekly chats about the books. There’s something about Harry Potter that begs to be talked about and dissected and through that experience, I developed some great relationships. (And those people are still satisfying my Rupert Grint lust with links to pictures and videos. You guys are my favorites.)

When we finished the series, we were all a little sad not to have these weekly chats. It was fun to meet every week and talk about the book, but we did end up getting a little burned out. We had plans to continue our Twitter book chats but life got busy. So it was pushed aside for a while, until I brought it up again on Twitter last week. Somehow, I’ve volunteered myself to organize this book chat but I’m happy to do so. I’ve been meaning to join a book club for a while now and while I still intend to attend a non-virtual one, this one will work for me for now. (And do I even need to mention how doing this chat with some of my best Internet friends fills me with warm fuzzies? I didn’t think so.)

And this is where you come in!

Through Twitter, I think we’ve decided on the last Sunday in November for our first Twitter book chat. (Ironically, this is also the day before my birthday so I’m hoping I can join. I just don’t know what I’ll be doing then.) But now we need to decide on a time, a book, and a hashtag. I’ve created a poll for the time to see what works best with everyone’s schedules and want your suggestions for a possible book and hashtag (right now, #twitterbookchat could work, but I’m not sure if it’s too long. We could shorten it to #tbc.). I’ll choose 3-5 books from the suggestions, post a poll on Friday, and announce the November book on Monday. Then, you’ll have four weeks to read the book before our chat! (In the future, I hope to do this process a week prior to the month beginning.)

If you’d like to join, you’re more than welcome. Now RSVP needed! :)

For now, leave me book suggestions in the comments and your thoughts on what the hashtag should be. Don’t worry about repeating others’ suggestions, I’ll choose some of the most popular books to vote on.

I’m super excited about this so I can’t wait to see your suggestions!

(And I just realized my last three blog posts have centered around books. If you haven’t noticed, I kinda love to read.)

Book Review: Picture of Lies by C.C. Harrison

***

Title: Picture of Lies
Author: C.C. Harrison
Genre: Mystery
Year: 2011
Rating: 4 of 5 stars

***

From Amazon:

Investigative journalist Keegan Thomas has been living a nightmare of guilt and grief since her little girl, Daisy, was kidnapped practically in front of her eyes. When the police investigation stalled, she turned her grief to anger and buried herself in her work searching for missing children, her own included. The result was an award-winning series of articles on unsolved child abductions. Then came the inevitable burnout.

On what is supposed to be a working vacation, Keegan travels to Monument Valley on the Navajo Indian Reservation seeking the whereabouts of people in an old photograph found in her grandfather s belongings after his death.

But the Indians do not welcome this nosy stranger carrying a picture of their old people, some of them dead. While navigating the mysterious ways of the Navajo, Keegan is told one of the children in the photograph was kidnapped by missionaries and taken to a boarding school.

Keegan’s search for the child leads to a web of deception that stretches back two generations, and the truth Keegan learns about her own family is the most shocking betrayal of all. Nothing can prepare her for the danger she encounters when she becomes the target of a powerful U.S. senator who will do anything to stop her from telling what she knows about the Picture of Lies.

My review:

I devoured this book. I read the entire thing in three days. THREE DAYS! I never finish books in three days anymore. It was the perfect mix of mystery and romance. Of humor and seriousness. I’ve read enough mystery books to usually correctly guess who the bad guy will be, or what the ending will look like. But this book was full of twists and turns and surprises. I had no idea what would be happening next and gasped my way through it as mysteries were revealed.

I have to imagine mystery novels are hard to write, even harder to come up with original, strong plotlines but this book delivered on all accounts. The plot was solid and I kept wanting to learn more. And when all was revealed, it was a shock and something I wasn’t expecting.

The character development was good, too. I really enjoyed Harrison’s easy dialogue and way of writing. It all felt effortless and as if I really knew these characters. The romance part of the novel was more of a side story, not the main portion. But it felt more honest that way. Keegan’s main focus was on this mystery and also on finding out what happened to her daughter.

The only thing I didn’t enjoy as much was the ending, but I know it was an honest ending. (I’m just a sucker for everything tying up nicely at the end and not having to cry out, “NO! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?” when I finish.) I don’t want to give away any part of the book but I can tell there will be a sequel to this one by the way it ended.

All in all, if mystery fiction with a little romance thrown in is your thing, this is a solid book to read. I would definitely, definitely recommend it.

Are you a sucker for an “everything-ties-together-nicely” ending, or do you like ones that surprise you? I would say I’m fifty-fifty on this.

I received this book for free from TLC Book Tours in exchange for an honest review. All words and opinions are my own.

Book Review: Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner

***
Title: Good in Bed
Author: Jennifer Weiner
Genre: Chick-lit
Year: 2001
Rating: 5 of 5 stars
***

Summary from Goodreads:

For twenty-eight years, things have been tripping along nicely for Cannie Shapiro. Sure, her mother has come charging out of the closet, and her father has long since dropped out of her world. But she loves her friends, her rat terrier, Nifkin, and her job as pop culture reporter for The Philadelphia Examiner. She's even made a tenuous peace with her plus-size body.

But the day she opens up a national women's magazine and sees the words "Loving a Larger Woman" above her ex-boyfriend's byline, Cannie is plunged into misery...and the most amazing year of her life. From Philadelphia to Hollywood and back home again, she charts a new course for herself: mourning her losses, facing her past, and figuring out who she is and who she can become.

***

I connected with Cannie from the beginning. She was smart, sassy, vulnerable, and sensitive. I could relate to her from the get-go, especially considering she is dealing with the same father issues I deal with from this very day. This paragraph sealed it for me:

“But oh, when he loved me, when he put his hand on my head, when I leaned my own head against him...there was no feeling in the world that could beat it. I felt important. I felt cherished. And I would do whatever it took, press the bar until my hands bled, to get that feeling again.” (p. 98)

Every emotion I’ve ever experienced with my father leaving me? Right there.

This was the first book of Jennifer Weiner’s that I’ve read and I’m not sure why I stayed away so long. She is a fantastic writer and made me completely fall into the plot and the life of Cannie Shapiro. From reading the introduction, I knew this wasn’t going to be a story of a girl who loses weight, gets the guy, and takes down her ex-boyfriend. Jennifer Weiner set out to make this story something more relatable and real. And I could relate to Cannie in her insecurities about her body, the way she couldn’t seem to fully walk away from an ex-boyfriend who was no good for her, and in her family struggles.

The plot moved along quickly and there were so many twists and turns and surprises that I didn’t expect from a “chick lit” book. Characters were introduced that added so much to the plot and I couldn’t imagine Cannie’s life without. It wasn’t a clean, sweet story of triumph. Not at all. It was messy and gritty and raw. It was real. It made me take a step back and examine my own life. I laughed with Cannie, I cried with Cannie, I felt proud of her when she stood up to her ex-boyfriend, and utterly sad during the most heart-wrenching part of the book.

When you can make me feel a character’s emotions in my own life, then you’ve done your job as an author. I wholly recommend this book and it was such a great example of women’s fiction for an aspiring writer. I’ll leave you with some of my favorite quotes:

“When you’re on a battleground, you don’t have the luxury of time to dwell on the various historical factors and sociopolitical influences that caused the war. You just keep your head down and try to survive it, to shove the pages back in the book, close to the covers and pretend that nothing’s broken, nothing’s wrong.” (p. 106)

“Things happen, you know? That’s my one big lesson from therapy. Things happen, and you can’t make them unhappen. You don’t get do-overs, you can’t roll back the clock, and the only thing you can change, and the only thing it does any good to worry about, is how you let them affect you.” (p. 372)

Taking My Passion Off the Shelf

source

The first time I tried to complete National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo – writing 50,000 words in 30 days) was two years ago. Halfheartedly, I tried it again last year. Both times, I got way behind within the first week and realized I had to let it go. November was notoriously busy with schoolwork, completing assignments and studying for tests before finals week came in December. It was too much to keep up with, between school and work and maintaining my sanity.

But I promised myself I would try again when I was done with school.

Well, I’m done with school. I’ve been done for almost six months now. And I have yet to even begin writing my novel. My biggest dream in life is to make a living as a published novelist, but I keep shelving that dream for other pursuits. Things that I need to do, but don’t fill me up with as much passion as writing does.

I know the easy part will be the writing. The hard part will be the editing, the revising, the rejection. I know there’s a part of me that keeps pushing it aside, because rejection is scary and difficult to swallow. When I took a creative writing class my last semester of college, I had to step way out of my comfort zone and read my fiction aloud. There were writers in my class that already seemed to have a firm foundation in their writing. And they were amazing writers. Intimidating. Inspiring.

Another thing holding me back from writing my novel is the novel itself. What do I want to write about? Do I want to write young-adult literature? And, if so, do I want it to be faith-based or not? What about chick-lit? Can I even write in this style, funny and light, yet also cutting to the core of what women suffer with? (I’m currently reading my first Jennifer Weiner novel, Good in Bed. It is phenomenal and a great, great example of “chick lit”. Anyone who looks down on this genre has seriously never read a good chick lit book.) Do I want to write pure romance novels, Christian fiction, or mysteries?

I know I have a story to tell, I just don’t know which one it is. Each genre fills me with a different kind of passion. I know there are incredible stories of struggles and triumph to be told in each one. Which one do I focus on?

November first is coming up much more quickly than I imagined. And I know I have it in me to complete NaNoWriMo. I just need to put my nose to the grindstone, focus on an idea that fills me with the most passion and excitement, and get to planning.

Have you ever completed NaNoWriMo? Are you doing it this year?

Ten on Tuesday - On Vacations

source

1. You're packing for a week long vacation, do you pack ahead of time or wait until the last possible minute to pack?

Usually, I get really excited so I make a big packing list a week before. But it's always too early to pack for anything so I wait until usually the night before. I didn't pack anything for my cruise until 10:00 the night before I left, even though I made list after list a month before.

2. Are you a light or heavy packer?

Heavy, heavy, heavy. I packed so many clothes for my cruise that I didn't even touch and always tend to overpack even when I go to Orlando. But I'd much rather pack too much than pack too little.

3. What are your favorite road trip snacks?

I don’t go on enough long road trips to require snacks but if I did, I’m sure they would be the perfect mixture of sweet and salty: M&M’s, chips, pretzels, Twizzlers, etc.

4. Do you take any reading material along?

Always. Of course, I almost always have my Kindle with me anyway. You never know when you’ll get stuck somewhere! Reading material is always a must.

5. Do you prefer to drive or fly to your vacation destination?

I never fly to my vacation destinations, sadly. I want to, but I’ve never had the opportunity. I’ve actually never been on a plane in my life. I need to remedy that SOON!

6. What is your favorite time of year to take your vacation?

Any time! I love taking vacations but I don’t have a specific time of year that’s my favorite. It’s nice to do something around my birthday, but also nice to go away in the Spring/Summer to break up the monotony.

7. Where is your favorite place to vacation?

On a cruise ship. I swear, if you haven’t been on one, YOU NEED TO GO. I find them fairly reasonable (price-wise) for everything you get. And they are just absolutely amazing. I am SO excited to take my second one next May. Being on the cruise ship last May was the best experience of my life.

8. You are vacationing in the mountains, what is your favorite thing to do while there?

I’ve only vacationed once in the mountains and I was twelve, but it was so much fun. My favorite thing would be skiing, of course! I only skiied on the bunny slopes but it was so fun. I really want to go again sometime, even if I stayed on the bunny slopes again.

9. You are at the beach for your vacation, do you like to take it easy on the beach or play all day in the water?

I am definitely more of a fan of taking it easy. I hate salt water and being in the ocean. It’s either freezing or I’m constantly getting thrown over by waves. I don’t like it.

10. While you’re on vacation, do you prefer to eat out every night or cook some of your own meals?

No way am I cooking while on vacation! I don’t understand people who do this. But that’s probably because I hate cooking even when at home. I have never cooked my own meal while on vacation, but I’ve also never vacationed for more than five days. I’m not sure I would eat out every night if I was doing it longer than a week, because that would get expensive!

*Questions found here

On Living Without Insurance

source

I haven’t had health insurance in a very long time. It’s been at least five years, but probably more than that. My part-time job offered dental and vision insurance but I missed the cut-off date for that when it rolled around. Getting on my mom’s insurance or through my school was out of the question, financially. (The amount you have to pay up-front for one semester of student health insurance is outrageous.) And I’m sure there were other options I could have looked into, but I’m not certain any of those would have been what I needed.

Aside from keeping up with yearly doctor visits, I haven’t felt a huge burden of not having health insurance. It hasn’t been scary, just very inconvenient. It means I can’t go to the doctor when I’m sick or think something is wrong with me. It means I have to keep putting off a visit to the doctor, unless my condition worsens. Since graduating high school, I have had three medical “emergencies”.

• December 2007. I had a hacking cough for about 3 weeks before I realized I probably needed to see someone about it, to make sure it wasn’t something more serious. It was keeping me awake at night and I had no energy during the day. (This was also around finals week.) I went to student health services at USF where I was tested for bronchitis and a slew of other things. Close to $100 later, I was given a prescription for some type of medicine to help me sleep at night and the name of an over-the-counter medication to help me during the day, Mucinex. Yes. I paid $100 to be told to take Mucinex. Wonderful.
• September 2010. I sliced my thumb while doing the dishes, granting me my first visit (as a patient) to the ER since I was in fifth grade. I was x-rayed and stitched up by Dr. Handsome and a few weeks later, given a $2,500 hospital bill that I have yet to pay. Oh, fun!
• March 2011. I started experiencing pain on the left side of my body, around my back and the side of my stomach. I was convinced I was dying but kept it all to myself until the pain got worse and I started seeing little scabs growing where the pain was. At first, I thought it was hives. I was in my last semester of college while also trying to train for a half-marathon I really didn’t want to do. Stress caused my hives! But when I showed it to my grandma, she told me it was shingles. I went to a emergency clinic where I waited, staring at an AIDS poster for one hour, to be seen. It was shingles, easily solved with an antibiotic. This ended up costing around $100, including the visit and prescription. (Although had my doctor not approved a generic prescription, it would have been closer to $350. Ouch.)

Are we noticing a pattern here? Living without health insurance can be VERY expensive. I consider myself very, very lucky I haven’t needed it in more extreme cases.

I’m thrilled about finally being able to have health insurance. I’ll be able to see a gynecologist for the first time in my life. (Yes. I’m serious. I’m seriously anxiety-ridden I am going to find out something is terribly wrong in my nether regions.) I’ll be able to finally see a regular doctor and get some blood work done. I’ll be able to go to the dentist for the first time in, oh, 3 years. Most of all, I’ll have peace of mind. If I get sick, I can see a doctor. If I have an emergency, I can go to the hospital and safely know (some of) my bill will be paid. I won’t have to worry and fret that there is something medically wrong with me.

It always grates on me when people gripe about their co-payments and how much they had to pay out-of-pocket for this procedure or that procedure. First of all, be grateful you live in a country where you can receive healthcare. Be grateful that you can be seen quickly and given the treatment you need, by some of the best physicians out there. Be grateful you have insurance. Maybe your co-payment isn’t exactly what you want, but at least it’s something. Something is better than nothing. Be grateful you can afford to have insurance, or grateful you have a steady job that offers it. Stop the complaining. Maybe our healthcare system needs a lot of work but at least we have one. If I have an emergency, I have my pick of where I want to go from a dozen different hospitals all within driving distance. And maybe you only have one, but at least you have one. Our healthcare system may need work, but at least we have it in place.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some doctor appointments to set up...

I Believe...

I believe in hard work and the things that we work the hardest for are the most worthwhile.

I believe that exercise can cure a bad mood, much more than chocolate, although chocolate is always the more preferred method.

I believe that the holiday season is the best time of year and nothing else compares.

I believe everyone should go on a cruise at least once in their life.

I believe in the power of social media.

I believe that it’s the quiet ones who have just as much, if not more, to say as the loud ones.

I believe in snacking on spoonfuls of cookie dough.

I believe in rewarding yourself for a job well done.

I believe in goal-setting.

I believe that friends can sometimes be more supportive than your family, but your family will always be the support you look for first.

I believe in celebrating birthdays in a big way.

I believe in a nap doesn’t count unless it is two hours or more.

I believe that abortion is wrong and that you will never convince me differently.

I believe in comfort food and that it is OK to eat your emotions sometimes.

I believe that my dog’s stinky dachshund breath is one of the best smells in the world.

I believe in putting yourself first, not in a self-absorbed way, but in a taking care of yourself way.

I believe in 9:30pm bedtimes.

I believe in our president.

I believe that cookies for breakfast is a perfectly acceptable option some mornings.

I believe that football is the best sport in the world.

I believe in squeezing my dog’s ears every chance I get.

I believe that marriage is so much more than a piece of paper.

I believe in staying up late to finish a good book.

I believe in being real, honest, and raw.

I believe learning how to handle money is one of the most important lessons someone can learn.

I believe in the sweet accomplishment of crossing the finish line of a race.

I believe in my faith and the comfort it brings me.

I believe in my writing and that someday, it will be on the spine of a book.

What do you believe in?

*Post inspired by Kate and San.

Wine and Love, V.7

Hosted by the fabulous Walking With Nora. Link up at her blog!

Filling up my wine glass...

Stomach problems. My stomach felt funny all day yesterday, leading to a not-so-pleasant night. In an effort to not be too TMI, let’s just say I wanted to cry when I found out the Pepto-Bismol bottle in my bathroom had expired a year ago. My stomach still feels funny today, but I’m hoping this little bug will pass soon. It feels better if I don’t eat but I still have an appetite so it makes it hard not to eat.

Mom’s injury. My mom ran a 16-mile trail race on Saturday and sustained some minor injuries due to a fall around Mile 9. The left side of her ribs have hurt since race day and she couldn’t raise her left arm above her head for most of Saturday. We think she bruised her ribs, or at least that side of her body, because it just hurts when she lays on it (no breathing issues so we’re pretty positive she didn’t break anything). Her arm is feeling better, but is still a little sore. It’s slowed her down a little this week and she has a 15K coming up on Sunday. Say a little prayer she feels 100% for it, because it’s a tough course!

A jury summons. I received my first-ever jury summons in the mail yesterday. I always thought I would be excited for it, but I’m not. I’m a little nervous, but mostly just dreading it. The summons also comes two days before my 90 day probationary period is up at work. Lovely. (AND my job doesn’t pay for jury duty. So now I need to find out if I can get it postponed until I can take paid time off.)

Filling up my life with love...

A week of package deliveries! Yesterday, I received a new iPhone case and running armband (the current one I use is ripping apart from the seams. It’s also 2 years old so it was time for a new one, anyway). Today, my wristlet from Vera Bradley should arrive. And tomorrow, dun dun DUN, my iPhone arrives! Brand-new, sparkly, and beautiful. Can. Not. Wait. This week has felt like Christmas for me.

The Dolphins had a bye week. If you follow professional football, you should know the Miami Dolphins are, once again, the laughingstocks of the league. We’re 0-4 currently and we play the New York Jets (coming off 3 bad losses) on Monday night. It was really, really nice to have a week where my heart didn’t have to break as they give up yet another game.

Making birthday weekend plans. My birthday isn’t until the end of November, but I’m already trying to decide what to do. Last year, I did it up big with a weekend in Orlando and it was one of the best birthdays of my life. There is a part of me who wants to do it again, but another part that doesn’t want to shell out the money. We have passes to Aquatica and Sea World so the only expenses would be the hotel, food, and, of course, outlet shopping. (It’s a must when visiting Orlando!) Thinking about an Orlando trip fills me with so much excitement and happiness, but I wonder if I need to make a smarter financial decision.

Comments and messages. When I published yesterday’s post, I turned off comments because I was scared about the response. I was scared people would write off my worries as nothing major, that I was thinking too hard. But I turned them back on within 30 minutes and had to mentally prepare myself as I read each comment. I am so glad I did. Your comments and messages were amazing and solidified my decision to seek help and figure out how to control this fearful side of me. My fears aren’t irrational, but they are affecting my day-to-day life and that is not normal.

What are your wines and loves for this week?

iPhone users, what are your must-have apps?

Fear

source

I’m not a big fan of Halloween. I don’t know why, but it’s never been a holiday that fills me with excitement. Growing up, I didn’t put too much thought into my costume, never went to a haunted house, and the only plus side to the whole holiday was the candy. I don’t understand why people enjoy being scared by visiting such events as Halloween Horror Nights and Howl-O-Scream or watching scary movies. Or maybe I don’t understand it because I live it every day.

I live my life in a constant state of fear. My stomach feels in a perpetual state of knots of everything that I worry about throughout the day.

Worry I will get a call, saying someone in my family has died.

Worry I will be fired from my job.

Worry something I blog about or tweet will be ripped apart and crucified.

Worry something terrible will happen to my dog.

Worry I will find out I have a terrible disease (or cancer) when I finally drag myself to the doctor.

Worry my anger will get the better of me while driving and cause an accident.

Worry I will end up in prison. (Like father, like daughter?)

Worry I don’t have what it takes to live a healthy lifestyle.

Worry about what people think of me: as a girl who is perpetually single, still lives with her mom, and has few friends (at least in real life).

Worry I am wasting my life away and will look back with regret on the life I led.

Fear is an awful way to live. It infests itself in every facet of your life, causing you to pass by opportunities and lose focus. You look behind you, instead of ahead. You never feel safe, never feel fully happy and content. You burrow further and further into this shell you’ve created because it’s the only place you feel a modicum of peace. It’s never full peace, but it’s there and for now, that’s OK.

It’s not OK. It’s not OK to go about life this way. It’s not OK for me to never feel safe. It’s not OK for me to worry about every little situation that can occur. It’s not OK for me to demean myself when something goes wrong. It’s not OK for me to continue to let fear live inside of me, to let impossible could-be situations crop up and grab hold of my heart.

I go to bed with my heart racing. I wake up in the middle of the night convinced my mother lay dead in her bed. I spend my entire day in fits of worry, fear manifesting itself in every little way it can.

It’s an awful way to live and it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to stop letting the fear control my life and start punching it in the face.

I’m 23 years old. I have an entire lifetime to live. And I refuse to spend that lifetime in fear.

Note: When my insurance kicks in next month, I plan on finding out if therapy appointments are covered. I work for a small company, so I’m not 100% sure it will be. Even if they don’t, I know there are other, more financially feasible options available for me. I know I suffer from some form of anxiety, but I’m not sure what or if it would require medication or just finding a way to talk through my issues. (Possibly both.) What I do know is these intense level of worry and fear is not normal and I need help.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 8

source

I always forget about these questions until I see Melissa do a post on hers. I’ve been doing these since July of 2010 so that should give a good indication on how fast I’m progressing through these. Ha!

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

Isn’t this what sets us apart from other animals? Our moral compass? I think we know, inherently, what is good and what is evil. What will lead us on the right path and what will take us down the wrong one. I do believe there are a lot of grey areas within good and evil, of course. And we all have our different definitions of it. So I guess my answer is yes and no, which really isn’t an answer, is it?

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

Yes. I would probably start graduate school, though, because I know I would get so bored without something challenging me.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

I’ve never thought of myself who can say they are not afraid of hard work. I wish, but I think my weight would be in the normal zone, I would have ran those half-marathons I signed up for, and have more published articles to my name, if so. That said, I’m finding I enjoy being busy. I thrive on it and am more productive this way. When I don’t have much to do, I end up taking longer to complete tasks and cross items off my to-do list. I would rather do more of the things I enjoy. More writing, more reading, etc. If I could fill my life up with work I enjoy, I would be a happy lady. (And I have no idea what’s stopping me from doing this, other than pure laziness.)

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

No, not at all! That’s what so enjoyable about my job. Every day is different. Every day is filled with different projects and tasks, different problems to overcome, different meetings and conversations. When I worked at the preschool, the days differed but they were the same week after week. Mondays were slow and an easy breakfast to pass out, Tuesdays were for hurrying through breakfast and clean-up and supervising karate, Wednesdays were for getting through breakfast even faster to supervise dance, Thursdays were another slow day but a big breakfast to make, and Fridays were always up in the air. Every single week. The same thing. Over and over again.

I am so glad I no longer work there. (Although I do miss some of the kidlets and my co-workers.)

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I feel like I march in the dark with a lot of things I strongly believe in. Saving myself for marriage, waiting until I’m married to live with my husband, being pro-life, being a Christian. But I’m comfortable being alone. I’m an introvert, I thrive being alone. Hopefully I’ll grab a few friends along the way who believe in these ideas as well. And if not, that’s okay. I’ll keep on marching.

I want to know: would YOU quit your job if you won a million dollars? Why or why not?

On Being a Bookworm

source

I received some comments on my last post about how many books I’ve read this year. As of today, I’m at 55 books. (5 away from my goal.) Yes, that is a lot of books.

I should admit that I have a secret love for cheesy, trashy, not-very-well-written-but-still-fun-to-read Harlequin romance novels. That accounts for 7 of the books I’ve read this year. They have titles like the “Million Dollars Amnesia Scandal” and I’m too afraid to rate them on Goodreads in fear of everyone defriending me.(I’m also well aware many of you may stop reading my blog now. That’s a chance I have to take.)

I used to be embarrassed about my love for reading. It never stopped me from reading, but it wasn’t something I broadcasted to my friends. When we had silent reading periods, I rarely took out the book I was currently reading. I would usually pick from the books in the classroom. I was way more focused on trying to fit in and be more like the popular girls than I was befriending my people. The ones who loved reading and losing themselves in the pages of a book. The ones I could chat for hours about plots and characters and settings. I’ve missed out on a lot of great friendships because of this. But that’s the past and I’m no longer embarrassed about my love for reading. 

When I look at book lists of what other people have read, I feel intimidated. They are reading these amazing nonfiction bestsellers or great literary fiction, while I’m still into romance novels and YA lit where everything turns out OK in the end. My book lists are sprinkled with books that have a deeper meaning and make you think, but I also really enjoy getting lost in a fairytale, even if the circumstances seem too unrealistic to believe.

We all have different tastes and mine tend to fall to romance novels with happy endings. I can’t apologize for that because it’s what I enjoy, even if the book titles and plots may be a little embarrassing.
For me, reading is second nature. It’s just what I do. I couldn’t imagine my life without it, although my reading has slowed down tremendously since I started my job. (I’m now averaging about a book a week, where before I was able to finish about 6 books a month.) But it remains something steadfast that I simply cannot live without. When other people tell me they just don’t have time to read, I know that isn’t exactly true. They do, but choose to let other things take the forefront. And that is perfectly okay! I’m not saying we all need to read a book a week or that putting other things first is bad, I’m just saying that we all have different hobbies we hold more dear than others. For me, reading is the hobby I love the most and take the most time cultivating. (Plus, as an aspiring writer, reading is imperative to the journey.)

I’m making a “25 Before 25” list and I need a reading goal. I know I wanted something other than a book amount goal but didn’t know what challenge I wanted to give myself. A specific list? Read all books from an author? Read books on a specific time period? I just wanted it to force me outside my reading comfort zone.
I’ve decided over the next 12 months (starting in December), I’m going to read one non-fiction book a month. In 2011, I only read one non-fiction book on my own terms. (The other two I’ve read have been reviews I’ve been asked to do.) And it was Tina Fey’s Bossypants so I’m not sure if that even qualifies. (Celebrity memoir, maybe?) I’ve made a list of the books I’ll be reading and during what months:

December - Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff

January - Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want by Jenny Blake

February - 20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-Life Women’s Guide to Balance and Direction by Christine Hassler

March - The Joy of Less by Francine Jay

April - Operation Beautiful: Transforming the Way You See Yourself One Post-It Note At a Time by Caitlin Boyle

May - The Christian Atheist: Believing in God But Living As if He Doesn’t Exist by Craig Groeschel

June - What Women Fear: Walking in a Faith That Transforms by Angie Smith

July - Confessions of a Prayer Slacker by Diane Moody

August - Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

September - Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam S. McHugh 

October - Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli

November -  Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal by Eric Schlosser

These books are not set in stone and I imagine the list may change in the coming year as newer books are released. It’s a VERY flexible list. Are there any non-fiction books you think I should add?

What is your favorite genre of books to read?

2011 Resolutions: October Recap

On January 1, I made a list of 10 resolutions for me to complete in the next twelve months. I’m not a hater of resolutions by any means and I actually quite like them. (Which, um, is why I made my own. Captain Obvious over here.) I’ve decided to make a “25 Before 25” list starting the day after my birthday, which means the goals I haven’t been able to complete (or are still in progress) will be added to that list.

Goals I’ve completed...

• Graduate from college. It still feels surreal that I’m a college graduate. But I am.
• Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree. Check! I remember saying in my last resolutions check-in post how disappointed I would be if I was still on the job hunt. I feel so blessed to have found a job and am still pretty happy with what I am doing. I’m not exactly sure marketing is IT for me, but it’s a good place to learn and grow.
• Travel. I didn’t do a whole lot of travel, but I went out of the country for the first time in my life so I’m counting this as a success!

Goals that will be added to my “25 Before 25” list...

• Get to my goal weight. My weight loss has been pitiful this year. Just like years prior. One day I’ll get it, right?
• Pay off all my credit cards. I have successfully paid off one, am very close to paying off the second, and will finish payments in February for the last one. Once that is done, I will be credit card debt-free! And then I get to work on my medical bills for the stitches I got last September. Yay.
• Complete Project 365.
• Join a book club. Just need to put my social anxiety aside and do this. I know I’ll be happier when I do.
• Begin therapy. I’m not sure what kind of therapy my insurance covers (if any), but it’s something I desperately need to start. My anxiety has been a little out-of-control lately.

Goals that will be completed before my birthday...

• Read 60 books. I’m currently sitting pretty at 54 books and I’m quite sure I’ll be able to mark this goal off by November 28th. Woo! Now I just need to come up with a different book goal.

Goals that won’t be completed, nor added to the new list...

• Run a half-marathon. No. Just... no.

I need a new book challenge for my 24th year (well, my 25th. But let’s say 24th because it makes more sense.) Anyone have any ideas for me?

The winner of the training ball from PlanetGear.com is Missa Lee! Missa Lee, email coming your way today!

Everyday Moments: September 2011

September. What can I say about September? Nothing extraordinary happened. I finished boot camp, celebrated my brother and nephew’s birthdays, and started to feel more at home in my new job. I no longer sit in meetings and have no clue what’s going on and the spreadsheets are not intimidating me anymore. I’m getting to know our contacts and they are getting to know me. It’s a good feeling.

My eating habits weren’t the best and my weight loss has really stalled. I’m trying not to beat myself up about it, but it’s very hard. Still, I’m trying and that’s all I can ask of myself.

I’ve been debating all month if I want to try my hand at NaNoWriMo in November. My life was always filled with midterms and tests that I could never accomplish it in years prior. But if I keep saying I don’t have time to write, I’ll never get a book written.

Without further ado, though, here are the little things that made me happy this month. (Inspired by Kathleen.)

1 - Shopping trip at Target

2 - The “launch” of my new blog theme

3 - Finally cleaning out my junk drawer and my closet. It felt awesome to get rid of so much stuff I have no need for anymore.

4 - Spending a few hours at Typhoon Lagoon in Orlando.

5 - Finishing the Harry Potter series.

6 - Coming home after a full 8-hour day instead of spending an hour at the gym. For once, it was a nice, relaxing evening!

7 - Fresh-baked cookies.

8 - First game of the NFL season and it was a good one.

9 - Having a delicious strawberry-mango margarita with dinner. Best margarita I’ve ever had!

10 - Lunch date with my old work BFF. Also, Pinkberry peanut butter and chocolate froyo with every unhealthy topping I could fit in my bowl. SO MUCH YUM!

11 - The first Football Sunday of the NFL season.

12 - Finishing boot camp! Without a smile on my face, but I finished.

13 - My first Body Pump class in 6 weeks. It was tough, but such a good change.

14 - Rachel winning Big Brother!

15 - Celebrating my brother’s 25th birthday

16 - Deciding to take a break from Twitter, Facebook, and keeping up with a strict blogging schedule.

17 - Baking homemade chocolate cupcakes.

18 - Another Sunday, camped out on the couch, watching football. No. There isn’t anything better than that. (Also? Hi, future husband. My name is Stephany and I am SUCH A CATCH. Geez.)

19 - Going to bed at 9:45pm. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve gone to bed THAT early!

20 - Being so busy at work, I needed to make a to-do list to keep track of everything. I reserve the right to complain about being TOO busy one day, but for now, I love it. It’s so much better than not having much to do/not knowing what I need to do.

21 - One of our freelance designers dropping off yummy treats from a bakery. I ate what was quite possibly the best brownie I have ever had.

22 - The new fall TV schedule. I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with it, but it’s nice to have my shows back.

23 - Carrabba’s for dinner

24 - All of Dutch’s routine blood work coming back normal.

25 - My nephew running around Chuck E. Cheese dressed as Spider-Man during his third birthday party

26 - Winning Fantasy Football this week. I’ve done terribly the past two weeks, but I caught a break this week! Woo!

27 - Cookie dough. There’s nothing in the world like it.

28 - Finishing The Help. The movie was fantastic and so was the book. (Review to come!)

29 - Emails and messages from friends who get it.

30 - Laughing with my nephew. I am SO excited about this new age he’s in. So much fun!

Happy October!