2011 Resolutions: A Look Back

Completed Resolutions

> Graduate from college: Three cheers for a super big, life-list-if-I-made-list-lists goal achieved! The beginning part of my 2011 was crazy, filled with anxiety and worry I wouldn’t graduate on time or somehow my professors would begin to think I hadn’t learned enough to graduate. Luckily, I slipped through the cracks and got my degree!

> Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree: I would say this was the biggest goal on my list and I thank God every day that I found a job less than three months after graduating. And that it’s an amazing job with plenty of room for growth and professional development.

> Read 60 books: Check! Last night, I finished my 70th book. Finishing 71 total is a possibility but I exceeded my expectations with this goal.

> Travel: While I didn’t travel all over the world (or even step foot on a plane...), I’m still marking this goal as complete as I left the country for the first time ever. My cruise was the brightest part of my year and I look back on it with such fondness. I also made it up to Orlando a few times this year.

> Join a book club: I’m going to mark this as complete because of #twookclub and #SummerofHarry! Reading through the entire Harry Potter series with fellow bloggers and chatting about it every Thursday night was so much fun and I decided to bring it back in the form of a Twitter book chat. The group is bigger than I ever dreamed and I’ve met so many great people from it. We’ve only had one chat so far but it was amazing and I cannot wait to see what 2012 brings for our book club!

> Pay off all my credit cards: I’m marking this resolution as complete, even though it isn’t 100% complete. I’m still much closer to this goal of being credit card debt-free than I was a year ago. Of the three credit cards I have, one of them will be paid off (and then removed from my account) in January. The other two were paid off... until Christmas.

Resolutions Not Completed

> Run a half-marathon: I’m not sure if a half-marathon will ever be a possibility for me (I have weak ankles...) so while I tried training to run the Irongirl Half-Marathon, it just didn’t happen. (I ran the 5K instead.)

> Complete Project 365: I tried this twice in 2011, both horrific failures. I started this project over on my birthday and doing much better at capturing special everyday moments so I’m hoping I can keep it up this time!

> Get to my goal weight of 115-120 pounds: Not. Even. A. Little. Bit. Close.

> Begin therapy: This wasn’t a possibility due to not having health insurance for 11 months out of the year. But it is a huge goal of mine for 2012!

***

Six completed goals out of ten. Not too shabby, I must say. I think the three biggest goals I wanted to complete were to graduate, get a job, and get to my goal weight. So the fact that I completed two out of those three? That’s pretty amazing.

My 2012 goals will be posted next week, in a slightly different format. I have more goals but since school and a menial job isn’t overtaking my life anymore, I think I can handle more things to shoot for. I really, really love setting goals and setting things in motion to achieve them. I don’t see anything bad in wanting change, although I do want to learn to take appreciation in the here and now. The “When...then” syndrome is something I struggle with (When I’m skinny, then I will be happy...) so I want to take time to slow down and appreciate what is happening in my life in the present, not what I hope will be happening in my life if I achieve a goal.

Do you set New Year’s Resolutions? What are your thoughts on the “When...then” syndrome?

2011: A Year in Review

January

• My mom ran her first marathon. It took her a little over 7 hours but her training hit a major speed bump when she was hit by a car and had to take a few months of all exercise. I was also freezing and hungry and oh-so-tired (pulled an all-nighter the night before due to having to get to the marathon site by 3:30am!)
• I began my last semester as an undergrad (and being able to take two English classes made me regret, just a little, not declaring an English major).
• I went to my first eye appointment in 18 months to learn my right eye has a pretty bad case of astigmatism, which means contacts are not the best option for me for everyday wear.

February

• I watched the Packers win the Superbowl! I was so, so happy for them.
• I trained for a half-marathon (that I didn’t end up running. Surprise, surprise.)
• My mom and I booked a cruise as my graduation present in May - our first!
• I developed shingles which was terrifying. I honestly thought I was dying for a good three days. So. Much. Pain. I don’t wish this on anyone.
• I was up to my eyeballs in homework and papers.

March

• I made the difficult decision to drop out of the half-marathon I was half-heartedly training for
• Had a graduation photoshoot with a lovely school friend
• Bought my own domain name
• Read my fiction aloud in public for the very first time

April

• Set a 5K PR at Irongirl
• Went on my first job interview
• Crossed everything off my “To Graduate” list
• Began to have Friday night Bible studies with my grandparents

May

• Graduated from college with my Bachelor’s degree in Communications
• Went on a life-changing, soul-affirming Carnival cruise to Grand Cayman and Cozumel
• Applied, applied, applied for jobs

June

• Suffered from vacation hangover
• Joined a gym
• Went on two interviews that led to nothing
• Applied, applied, applied for jobs

July

• Went on a mini-vacation to Orlando for my mom’s birthday
• Was offered a job in the very field I wanted to get into: marketing. (And took it, obvs.)
• Went on my first date in... years

August

• I started my new job
• I began a six-week intense boot camp class at my gym
• My blog turned two

September

• Performance anxiety was at an all-time high
• My brother turned twenty-five and my nephew turned three
• I took a social media/blogging break for a week

October

• My life was forever changed when I ordered my first iPhone
• My work ended one of their giveaways and I was able to be there for the drawing and the conference call when my bosses called the winner. It was incredible.

November

• I attempted NaNoWriMo, though I quit after 10 days
• Ran two 5K’s. Both were extremely hard but I finished both!
• I met Amber!
• My mom and I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time ever
• We had our first #twookclub chat about The Scent of Rain and Lightning
• I turned twenty-four

December

• Attended my first jury summons -- and was let go by 11am!
• Celebrated Christmas in a small way, just my mom, brother, SIL, and nephew but it was absolutely perfect
• Went on a horrible, blog-worthy first date

Looking back, 2011 was a year with ups and downs - months where a lot happened and quiet months of peace. I have changed so much over the past twelve months that I barely remember who that girl was who began 2011. There are parts of her that still exist in my life today, most especially as it relates to my health and anxiety. But honestly? This was a good year for me. I became a college graduate. I went on an amazing cruise. I started my first post-college job. And I began to test the waters of dating. Not the mention, I’ve developed quite a few close relationships with other bloggers.

I’m so excited to see where 2012 will take me. But I know I will need to put in a lot of work to be at the place I want to be this time next year. It’s going to be a bumpy road but I think I’m up for the challenge.

The Top 10 Books I Read in 2011

At the beginning of the year, I made a goal to read 60 books this year. (At first, I set the bar at 100 books but didn’t want to rush myself through the books I was reading so I knocked it down.) I have never kept track of how many books I read in a year so it was a measuring tool for me. Turns out, I really like to read. As of right now, I’m at 69 books read and am close to finishing my 70th.

I’m pretty darn impressed with myself.

Sure, not all of them were of high literary quality and the majority of the books I read this year were romance novels, but it’s what I like to read.

I’m still not sure I want to set another book goal this year, because I don’t want to rush myself through books. I want to set some book challenges, though, which is something I’ve been thinking about for a while. One challenge I’m setting for myself is to read one non-fiction book a month. That may be enough for me, or I may want to challenge myself to something else. We shall see.

But by the end of 2011, I will have read 70 books this year. Some of them stand out to me as fantastic reads I wholly recommend. And here is the list:

10. Just Between You and Me by Jenny B. Jones (4 of 5 stars)
A faith-based book about a girl who is still dealing with the drowning death of her mother when she was a teenager and trying to let go of her fears of love and loss. There’s a romance intertwined with the story and I seriously could not put this book down. When I was at work, I was thinking about it. When I was driving home, I was pondering what would happen next. And when I finished it, I found myself melancholy that it was over and these characters were not a daily part of my life anymore. That, for me, is the stamp of a great book.

9. Miss Fortune by Sara Mills (5 of 5 stars)
Another faith-based book, this time set in the 1940’s and a mystery. This tells the story about a woman private detective, still searching for her MIA fiance. She still loves him and knows in her heart he is alive. She teams up with FBI detective Jack who agrees to help her search for her fiance, in exchange for her help on a case. Full of action and adventure and a crazy ending that had me begging for more. (I did end up reading the second book which had another crazy ending, but haven’t heard any mention of a third. The second book was released in 2009, so I find it strange there hasn’t been the third yet when the ending clearly showed there would be one.)

8. Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen (5 of 5 stars)
I reviewed this one on my blog but this book was my introduction to the world of Sarah Dessen and I am hooked. She’s an amazing storyteller and this book had me gripped from the beginning. It’s a story about friendship, but also a story about finding your own way apart from the way people perceive you. Full review here.

7. American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld (3 of 5 stars)
While I had some issues with this book, overall it was one of my best reads of 2011. Alice Lindgren was an utterly captivating character, someone I could closely identify with. (Well, until she became the First Lady!) I wrote an entire review of the book here.

6. Listen by Rene Gutteride (5 of 5 stars)
A thriller about a small town that gets hit with a website called Listen To Yourself, which puts private conversations between neighbors and families on a website for all to see. It brought up topics of censorship and whether you need to censor yourself in your own home, as well as the idea of how powerful words can be. Thoroughly enjoyed this novel and the twists and turns it took. And I honestly did not see the ending coming!

5. Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner (5 of 5 stars)
I followed Jennifer Weiner on Twitter before I ever read a book by her. But I loved this one a lot and I really just love Weiner’s writing style. The main character was so likeable and I was rooting for her through the entire book. You can read my review of this book here.

4. The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
OK, cheating with this one but since every single one of these books would be on the list, it wouldn’t leave room for other books. I read this with a bunch of other bloggers for Summer of Harry which was an awesome experience. I had read the first two books when I was in middle school but it was Erin’s insistence that made me try them again. I am so glad I did. These books were amazing. The writing was fantastic and I couldn’t put these books down for anything. I’m pretty sure I’ll be making my way through these books again and again, but I’m still not over Fred’s death. It’s going to be a while.

3. Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen (4 of 5 stars)
This was the first book I read in 2011 and I loved it. It’s one of those books people either love or hate, because I’ve seen both sides. I enjoyed the story so much and it gripped me from beginning to end. Another one I reviewed on this blog. Find it here.

2. The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen (5 of 5 stars)
I could have sworn I had written a book review about this book but I did not, which is surprising as it was one of my favorite books this year. This is a YA-lit book about a girl named Macy who is still dealing with the unexpected death of her father. She has a boring job at the library and this summer, her boyfriend is going away. She ends up joining up with Wish Catering after meeting the group during an open house her mother had and found family and community. The love story between Macy and Wes was perfect and poignant and I loved every second of this book. It’s definitely one worth a read, and one I will be rereading again and again.

1. The Help by Katherin Stockett (5 of 5 stars)
I tried to write a review for this book after I had finished reading it but just couldn’t. It was one of those books that was so good and impacted me so much that I felt a review could not do it the justice it deserved. I actually watched the movie before reading the book and the movie was so darn fantastic that it made me itch to read the book. The book was even better. While I do think the movie is fantastic and stayed very true to the book itself, nothing compares to the written word in my opinion. I finished this book in late September and I still find myself missing the characters. Skeeter, Abilene, and Minnie are forever a part of my world and this is far and away one of the best books I have ever read. 

What were some of your favorite reads this year?

2012: One Word

Last year in December, I participated, off and on, with some Reverb ‘10 prompts. My favorite prompt was the first one which had me think of a word to describe 2010 and think of another one to describe what I wanted my 2011 to resemble.

For 2011, I chose the word risk. I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and into waters I don’t normally venture to. I’m not sure risk is the right word to describe this year. While I took some risks for sure, I think a better word to describe this year is change. My life has changed drastically over the past twelve months. I can’t even remember what 2010 Stephany was like.

2011 was about growing up and maturing. Graduating from college, securing my first post-college job, growing into my skin a little more. I started to realize that I’m ultimately responsible for my own happiness, but also that it’s OK to be sad and let your emotions get the better of you. I learned that it’s OK to be human.

I began to take notice of my anxiety issues and realize that these things I feel are not normal behavior. I’ve spent the past couple of years telling myself this is just a part of who I am. I’m just a worrywart. I would have to deal with that. But I’m beginning to see and understand that I don’t have to live in this constant cycle of fear. Living without it, or even learning better coping skills when the anxiety attacks hit, is a possibility.

I missed my dad a lot this year. The anger is leaving and in it’s place is a broken heart. I’m sad that he’s missing out on a wonderful relationship we could have had. While the hurt and emotional beatings he gave to me are still in my heart, I can’t help but reminisce on the good times we had. Because when he was in a good mood, it was real good. He was funny and charming and sweet and everything a girl would want out of her father. I miss that. He shattered my heart when he walked out of my life willingly and I think he’s the only one who can pick up the pieces and put it back together.

I began to appreciate myself more this year. I took notice of my strengths and began to realize what I imagined were weaknesses were actually strengths that the world had told me were weaknesses. Being an introvert isn’t a weakness. It’s just who I am.

I also began to question a lot of things. Faith. Family. Career ambitions. How to achieve my best life possible. I discovered I’m not all that interested in leading a life that looks like everyone else’s. I only have one life to live and I want to live it well.

I stalled on my attempts to get to a healthy weight but exercised consistently and tried my hardest to eat well when I could. I started to make healthier decisions, even when they were hard. I may not have gotten to where I wanted to be, but I never gave up. And I won’t.

I’ve been thinking on my word for 2012 for a while now. I had to decide what I wanted out of this upcoming year. I had to visualize December 2012 Stephany: what did she look like? How did she feel? What are the immediate emotions that emanate from my body as I look in on her?

My word for 2012 is health.

Physical health - I want to work on my eating and exercise habits. While I exercise consistently, I know I need to ramp up the intensity and length of my workouts. I tend to play it safe with my workouts, especially lately. Most importantly, I want to learn to eat a more healthy diet. Consistently. I find myself doing well with my eating habits for a few weeks on, a few weeks off. No more.

Emotional health - For the longest time, I have felt this incessant need to be happy. Being sad or depressed or upset has no room in my life, I thought, and would do everything in my power to make sure others around me were happy. By doing this, I shove all my other emotions deep down inside and refuse to deal with them. In 2012, I want to let go of this incessant need. I want to let myself be sad or upset for however long I need to. I want it to be OK to cry. To be OK to feel sad. To be OK to want to throw things across the room.

Mental health - Most specifically, learning to control my anxiety and panic attacks that ensue. It has only been recently that I’ve been able to put a name to this constant cycle of worry I have in my life and while I haven’t gotten an official diagnosis yet, I do know the way I have been living is not normal worrywart behavior. In 2012, I am finally taking care of my mental health by attending therapy. This means I may need to switch some things around to afford it (at the very least, it will require a $50 copay) but I know I need to seek help and stop putting my mental health on hold.

Health. No, it’s not an exciting word like CHALLENGE or RISK. It’s a boring word. But it holds so much meaning and power in my life, because I have never put my health first. I’ve been more concerned with other aspects of my life that it falls to the backburner and shows in the way I have lived the past few years of my life. In 2012, health comes first. Physical, emotional, and mental.

What word would you choose to describe 2011? What word do you want to describe 2012?

Christmas 2011

I love Christmas. Nothing compares to the anticipation this holiday brings me. It was still hard for me to get to sleep on Christmas Eve and I was up probably five times, watching the hours slow-w-w-w-w-ly tick by. But soon, it was 7:30 and time to wake up and open presents!

As always, I was spoiled. Check out the present haul:

A new Vera Bradley hipster (in my most favorite print!) and make-up bag, as well as some make-up from Bare Minerals

 
New boots! (I was with my mom when she bought these, to make sure they fit and I liked them.) I’m in love. (Now, Florida, PLEASE GET COLD so I can use them!)

 
From my brother. A Kindle Touch. I’m so in love. (I had the Kindle Keyboard but when this one came out, I started lusting after the new design and touchscreen. I am super spoiled, I know.)

A beautiful new bedding set from my mother! It makes my bed look so much more comfy and inviting, which I’m not sure is a good thing. (But oh! So comfy!)

After my mom and I opened our presents to each other, we took our sweet time cleaning up and preparing for Christmas dinner. This year, we went the easy route and picked up a Honey-Baked Ham yesterday. No cooking required, all we had to do was take it out of the fridge thirty minutes before we wanted to eat. (Although I’m not a fan of ham, I am a fan of how easy that was!)

My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew came over a little after 1:00 and then it was time for more presents. My nephew came over in a bit of a grumpy mood which quickly dissipates once we asked him if he wanted to open presents. (For the record, I think he loved my digital camera. It was so amazing to see his eyes light up when he opened that gift.) We may have gone a little crazy with a variety of games, books, clothes, and toys.

The rest of the day went by smoothly and fun. (Luckily, with this meal, there was no bites from Dutch like there was at Thanksgiving!) I love our new tradition of it just being the five of us for Christmas. We’re not rushing around to get to this house and that or having to deal with any drama that inevitably happens within families.

It was another successful Christmas and while I’m a bit melancholy that my favorite time of the year has passed, I’m also excited to reflect on 2011 and make big plans for 2012. From the way 2011 is wrapping up for me, I have a feeling 2012 is going to be an exceptional one.

How was your Christmas? What was your favorite present this year?

Holiday Week: An Obsession of Mine

Sooooo... I have a bit of an obsession with Christmas-themed gel window clings, as referenced by the above photo.

Yes, those are my sliding glass doors.

The obsession started about two years ago when I bought my first window clings at Target. From there, I started picking up little packets every time I saw some that I loved. Wal-Mart. Bed, Bath, and Beyond. But mostly Target. The first year, there was just a lone snowman and a Santa with some snowflakes.

Now? I have candy canes and Christmas trees and penguins and presents and stockings and reindeer and gingerbread men. Christmas lights and more snowflakes than I know what to do with.

My mom has snowman and gingerbread ornaments. I have Christmas window clings. It’s definitely a process setting them up and taking them down every year but I love it. I love seeking out new clings, love setting up new scenes, love the look of them as I walk past my apartment. For some, they may seem tacky but for me, they are just another expression of the utter joy and glee that Christmas brings to me.

Do you have any obsessions when it comes to Christmastime? Spill in the comments!

Holiday Week: Confessions

Last year, I did my own little holiday confessions. I haven’t done a confessions post in a while so it was definitely time, and after seeing Nora and Lisa post about theirs? Well, I just had to!

1. I have never seen the movie Love Actually. I hear it's one of the best movies to watch at Christmastime?

2. We are having a warm Christmas this year (high of 81 on Christmas Eve and high of 75 on Christmas) and I love it! I am a true Florida girl.

3. When my nephew came over on Saturday, we had to hide all our presents in my closet. It's been four days and I still haven't moved them all back to under the tree.

4. This is the first year that I've actually kept up exercising & (somewhat) healthy eating habits throughout the month of December. And last Saturday, I got on the scale to see I had LOST a pound since the beginning of the month. There's a first time for everything, I guess!

5. I still can't sleep on Christmas Eve night.

6. Two of my must-haves in my stocking are the Snickers nutcrackers and a chocolate orange.

7. I haven't listened to much Christmas music this year. Usually, I'm all over that and I'm not sure why I've been so meh about them this year. Maybe the spring-like temperatures?

8. Not spending a December entrenched in finals and finishing up coursework is very weird. Awesome, but weird.

9. I really, really, really love receiving presents. (What? You're lying if you say you don't as well! If we didn't love receiving gifts, why would we give gifts? Hm...)

10. My dad wasn't much for holidays so it doesn't bother me too much that he's not around for another Christmas. It's more of the little everyday moments that bother me more.

11. The only time our lights stay on all night is on Christmas Eve.

12. Speaking of lights, I've been bad at even turning them on this year. There have been more than a few nights when they don't go on at all. (I *swear* I'm not a Scrooge!)

13. I think the peppermint mocha and/or frappuccino served at Starbucks is nasty. After a while, it just feels like you're drinking toothpaste.

14. My mom has already seen one of the presents (a big one) she's getting. That's what happens when you shop at Target together.

15. I didn’t stay anywhere near my $200 budget for Christmas gifts.

Holiday Week: A Christmas Meme

source

1. The Christmas song I can even listen to in June is...
Anything! While it's weird to listen to Christmas music in the summer, I love this time of year so much, I don't mind it. Plus, this year? It barely even feels like Christmas with our hot temperatures! (I’m secretly hoping it will be warm enough on Christmas Eve to go to the beach.)

2. Hot chocolate, egg nog, or mulled wine?
Hot chocolate for sure! Egg nog is way too sweet for my liking and I've never heard of mulled wine. Is it different than regular wine?

3. When do you put your decorations up?
I like to put them up the weekend after Thanksgiving. I would put them up sooner if I could.

4. What are you having for Christmas dinner?
Honestly? No idea. My mom and I will be having my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew over but we're not keen on the idea of cooking another big meal like we did for Thanksgiving. We're thinking of something easy but hearty we could cook in the Crock-Pot but not sure what yet. (Ideas?)

5. What's your favorite Christmas tradition?
I love our tradition of waking up early to open Christmas presents. It's a pretty ordinary one but I love the anticipation Christmas Eve brings! Also, stockings. My mom fills them so full, they have to lay on their side on the table or propped up against presents under the tree. And they are always filled with such goodies!

6. Have you ever gone carol singing?
Never. And I don't think I ever want to. Not my thing!

7. When did you discover the truth about Santa?
"I was three. Christmas came. No Weenie whistle. That's when I stopped believing."*

No, actually, I was in second grade, so around seven/eight. I had suspected but was laughed at by my "friends" when I said I still believed. Kids are cruel.

8. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
It's a process, to say the least. My mom and I always end up having a terrible argument. This year, we have a pre-lit artificial tree. We thought this would make the tree decorating process easier. Welllll... no. Two parts of the tree burned out (we bought the tree LAST YEAR!) so we spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to get it to light. No dice. We tried wrapping tinsel around the tree to make it more festive but we didn't have enough and it looked stupid. So now, we have a tree that lights up in three areas with our mismatched ornaments: some homemade, an insane amount of snowmen (my mom LOVES snowmen), and a small collection of gingerbread men (she now LOVES gingerbread men). It's not pretty, but it's our tree. I'm hoping 2012 is the year we can decorate the tree with no issues. I'm not holding my breath, though. ;)

9. What's the best thing about Christmas?
The presents? I'll admit it: I'm really looking forward to what's under the tree for me! I love giving gifts but come on, receiving is pretty sweet as well. I can't wait to see what others think of the gifts I gave them, as well! I tried hard this year and I think I did a pretty good job picking out presents.

10. All I want for Christmas is...
Other than a Kindle Touch, a new bedspread, or a new some of those delicious Snickers nutcrackers? I would like for my dad to call me and want to restore our relationship. That? That would make this Christmas the best one ever. That would be the best gift anyone could ever give me.

How old were you when you discovered the truth about Santa? Any ideas on what my mom and I should make for Christmas dinner? (We don’t much care about being traditional...)

*Only a quote from the best Christmas movie ever. Yes. Ever.

Holiday Week: Memories

Last year, I completed my first Holiday Week on my blog. I got the idea from Nora. A week of holiday posts, writing about whatever your heart desires. Beginning my second year with a list of memories from Christmas’s past that fill me with utter joy and glee whenever I reminisce about them.

> Staying up an entire Christmas Eve night/Christmas morning with my brother when we were in middle school. I ended up falling asleep at 10:00am the next morning, but we were so proud of ourselves because we had tried to do this for so many years. The key was to watch loud, action movies. They kept us awake and our minds busy.

> Waking up one Christmas morning to seeing two bikes parked in the kitchen/dining room by our sliding glass doors. Mine was pink with pretty sparkly streamers. I can still remember how surprised and excited I was to see my bike.

> Waking our parents up at 6am to open presents and my dad tiredly saying, rubbing sleep from his eyes, “Happy Christmas and Merry New Year.”

> Going to the mall one evening in December with my brother when we were in high school to buy her Christmas presents. Coming home and stealing away to my room to wrap the presents. Coming out with the wrapped gifts to place them under the twinkling tree. Annnnd forgetting to throw away the bags everything came in so she saw the stores we bought things from. (Talk about a major joy killer!)

> Finding a mysterious large box in my walk-in closet that my brother and I grilled my mom about all throughout December. She insisted it was a gift for my cousin my uncle had asked her to keep. Turns out? It was our very first computer. Best gift ever.

> The anticipation of counting down to Christmas, whether it be in my classroom (we usually made paper links) or with a Christmas countdown at home. Getting to the single-digit days were exciting.

> Dressing up the Christmas tree with mismatched ornaments, many created by my brother and me.

> Creating the most hideous Christmas cookies with as much frosting, sprinkles, and M&M’s as we could.

> Being given the “Toys R Us” catalog and circling all the toys I wanted.

> Waking up on Christmas morning to see the cookies and milk my brother and I left for Santa gone, and a letter written by him in its place.

> Candlelight services at church. They never fail to fill me with Christmas spirit and remind me of the real reason this time is so special.

> Making my first gingerbread house, even if it was put together wrong and a wall began caving in minutes after I finished decorating it.

What’s one holiday memory that you have from your own childhood?

Project 365 {12 - 18}

{012/365; Friday, December 9, 2011} Decadent chocolate cake at a holiday party.

{013/365; Saturday, December 10, 2011} Snuggling in bed with my Kindle and Dutch after an incredibly busy day.

{014/365; Sunday, December 11, 2011} Twisted Peppermint candle from Bath and Body Works to get into the Christmas spirit.

{015/365; Monday, December 12, 2011} Would you believe me if I said these were chocolates? Almost too pretty to eat.

{016/365; Tuesday, December 13, 2011} A yummy lunch at Panera Bread. Sadly, I got my chili with cornbread in it. (I don’t like cornbread in my chili. Maybe I’m weird?)

{017/365; Wednesday, December 14, 2011} This spider crossed just a few feet in front of me and all I said was, “Holy Mother of God!” I didn’t scream, didn’t run away, but instead followed him to take a photo. (And then promptly fled from the room!)

{018/365; Thursday, December 15, 2011} Storm clouds

Wine and Love, V.10

It’s been a few weeks since I participated in the lovely Nora’s fun blog series, Wine and Love. It’s simple: share what’s making you happy and sad this week. If you post on your own blog, don’t forget to head over to Nora’s and link up!

Filling up my wine glass:

> Being forgetful. I had big plans last night to make homemade chocolate chip cookies to take in to work today. Unfortunately, I forgot chocolate chips and butter. It’s kind of impossible to make cookies (at least MY kind!) without both ingredients. Sorry, coworkers. No cookies for YOU! (I’m also very sad that I was not able to partake in spoonfuls of cookie dough yesterday. I may have been looking forward to that all day.)

> Being a crater face. This week has been a bad week for my face. I broke out in the worst way all around my chin and it has made me feel so self-conscious. I can barely stand to look in the mirror. I have a feeling the break-outs are a combination of stress, not washing my pillowcase enough, not washing my face, and letting Dutch kiss me too much. Whew! So, I’ve started washing my face again religiously (I use Cetaphil and it really works for me!) and Dutch and I have broken up. I want to buy a boatload of pillowcases to switch out every week (since it’s VERY hard to wash my sheets weekly due to having to use a laundry room and the washers/dryers being limited) and as for stress? Other than figuring out ways to better handle the stress I am dealing with, there’s not much else I can do with it. Luckily, the break-outs are calming down and not looking so disgusting anymore. ;)

> Wisdom teeth. Yesterday was the first day in a week that my upper right wisdom tooth hasn’t hurt. I’m twenty-four, I know I need to get them removed, but I’m hoping I can hold off the surgery until later in the summer. (Due to time off issues.) Usually, I just need one dose of Advil and the pain goes away but it’s definitely annoying. I’m hoping I turned a corner, though, and the pain will stay gone!

Filling up my love glass (oh, the cheese!):

> A great review. I had my 3-month review at my job last week, something I was having a lot of anxiety about. (Have you heard about the time I wasn’t told I was doing an awful job in an internship and just let go with no warning, no way to improve? No? See: anxiety.) I found out that I am not on the brink of being fired but that I am well-liked, a valuable team member, and someone they can count on and want to keep around! So be gone, anxiety! I have specific goals to work on, but I know without a doubt, I can go to either of my bosses with help on how to achieve them.

> Christmas shopping. This is, without a doubt, my favorite time of the year. I love seeing houses lit up and Christmas trees and wrapped presents greeting me every time I open the door. And I love buying Christmas presents. I tried to stick to a budget but it just didn’t happen. This is the only time I go a little overboard with presents and it’s just fun to find special gifts for those special people in your lives. (Also, I only buy for my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephew.) I’m hoping to be completely finished with my shopping by this weekend, which is incredibly early for me. Heh.

> Vacation time. I have tomorrow off (which I will use for sleeping, catching up on Joy Council writing, and Christmas shopping. SO fun!). Next week, I have Friday off. The following week, I have Monday, Tuesday, and Friday off! How did I get so lucky? Unfortunately, once the third week of January hits, I will have no time to take off until my cruise in late May. So I’m enjoying it while I can!

What are your wines and loves for this week?

Good Days and Bad Days

Some days, being single is easy. It’s fun and I’m completely happy and content in my oneness. I don’t get sad seeing couples around me or hearing about another friend finding love. I feel at ease with my station in life, patiently awaiting the day it will be my turn.

But then those other days arise. They are the days where being single isn’t fun. It isn’t easy. I am not content. Seeing couples and hearing of friends finding love fills me with sadness and jealousy. My hands feel empty without another’s wrapped around it. My body physically aches to have a man to wrap my arms around, put my lips on, open my heart to. I wonder what I’m doing wrong, why love hasn’t become a possibility for me yet, when will it be my turn?

When those bad days come, and I promise it isn’t often, it makes me sit back and wonder how content I am in my singleness. If I’m truly content, should these thoughts even enter my mind? What do they really say about me?

I realize that I am content in my singleness. I am perfectly fine being alone. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I always had a strong suspicion I would spend the majority of my twenties single and, deep down, I don’t think the reason I have been single for so long is because there is something wrong with me. Sure, maybe I haven’t reached out for opportunities to meet guys like people think I should, but I’m okay with that for now. Just like everything in life, I am going to have good days and bad days in singleness. Not every day is happiness and sunshine, just like not every day at your job is filled with happiness or that every run you go on will be awesome. It’s only when the bad days outweigh the good days that you should become worried. It’s when you can’t pick yourself up out of the negativity and find the good.

Sometimes, I have bad days. But mostly, I have good days. I have no doubt I will find love someday, as long as I keep my mind and heart open. For now, I’m happy as a single gal.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 9

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

This is a tough question to even think about but not a tough one to answer. I would spend the day with my mom, my brother, and my nephew. Those three people mean the most to me in the entire world and I would want to spend it recreating memories and soaking in all the time left I had with them. (What a morbid question, though! Geesh!)

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Absolutely not. I have no inclinations for fame and while I don't think I would mind being extremely attractive, I'm fairly happy with my mediocre looks now. Sure, I'm not a beauty and YES, I want to lose weight but I want to do it the hard way. I want to put time and effort, sweat and tears into becoming skinnier, because that's part of the process of healing from the inside out. And honestly? The face that stares back at me every day is mine. She is me. We are one. I wouldn't want a stranger looking back at me, because I'm pretty good friends with the girl I see now.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

It's very simple: being alive is just about breathing and moving through each day. You go through the motions of everyday life, but never fully reach out and grasp all life can be. You don't even have to be depressed or sad, you could be content with your life. But you're not really living. You're not taking risks and challenging yourself and loving every moment you breathe.

Truly living? That's what we aspire to. It's when you finish each day, exhausted but happy because you didn't sit down and let life pass you by. You have taken life by the horns and are throwing yourself out into the Universe. Each day isn't sunshine and rainbows, but you finish each day knowing you did the best job you could to build the best life you can imagine. It's going to bed every night and not dreading what awaits you in the morning. It's waking up and being excited for the "to do" list, even if it's filled with mundane things. You have a pep in your step because you've realized what life is all about and you have captured those moments the rest of us are still wishing on.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

There is a deeply personal answer to each challenge we face, where we have to weigh the risks and rewards. Sometimes, we have to stop thinking so damn much and just start doing. I am a thinker and I weigh the pros and cons on just about every decision I make and it can be as simple as what I want to eat for lunch. When it feels right for you, that’s when you stop thinking. When you know you will be happier you went to that book club or went sky-diving or traveled alone for the first time in your life, you will know it in your heart. And you’ll stop believing in all those cons and risks.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

I am terrified of making mistakes. Terrified. Even though we learn from mistakes, I always feel that making them makes me inferior. As if there is something wrong with me because I tripped up. I’m slowly beginning to realize that making mistakes is part of the growth progress. We have to make mistakes, we have to fall down. It’s the only way we can grow, it’s the only way we can learn. But there’s something scary about making a mistake. I think that’s why I haven’t tried harder to get published, even small articles or short stories. I am terrified of not being good enough.

The truth is? I’m not experienced enough to be “good enough”. I will get rejected and I will have lots of areas in my writing to improve on. Learning the mistakes I’m making in my writing will only make me a better writer, but it’s scary to lay your heart and soul on the line - your passion - and find out just how many mistakes you’re making.

Are you afraid of making mistakes? Tell me, would you reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become attractive and/or famous? Why or why not?

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8]

*Questions found here

What’s So Special About January?

December is typically a month where I go a little crazy. It’s at this time of the year I realize I’m not anywhere near where I promised myself I would be in January and decide to use December as my “free for all” month and start fresh in January. After all, there’s too much temptation in December! January starts a new year and then I can get serious about my health.

But while this year hasn’t been a year where I dropped a bunch of weight and finally started feeling that healthy living is a possibility, I’m refusing to let myself undo the small amount of work I did do. Yes, I’m still unhappy with my body and the way I eat. Yes, I’m having a hard time considering this year a monster success because I’m still struggling with my weight problem. But I know I took measures every single day to live a healthier lifestyle. It may have been as simple as not having dessert at night or drinking water at work, but it was something. I have no doubt in my mind if I hadn’t tried my best to follow a healthy-living regime, I would be at least 40-50 pounds heavier than I am right now. That’s too scary to even contemplate.

This year, I did not run a half-marathon, but I did exercise at least once but more often than not 4-5 times a week.

This year, I did not “cure” my addiction to Coke, but I started drinking water on a regular basis and I learned that I’m not so much as addicted to soda, as it is a comfort and normality for me.

This year, I did not find a healthy living mindset but I did chase after healthy living goals every week. I may have had more downs than ups, but I never gave up trying.

While I am hoping 2012 will be a year I finally grab hold of what healthy living needs to look like for me (with the help of “12 Changes in 2012”!), I don’t want to let any of my healthy goals slide in December. And I’m not talking about treating myself to yummy treats or delicious holiday meals, I’m talking about the other days of the month. They vastly outnumber the days filled with parties, baking, and holidays. Those are the days I need to keep my focus on healthy living. The days when I need to down water like it’s my job and fit in a killer workout and eat healthy, filling meals. The days when I need to ease up on sweets and soda and fatty foods. I’m not looking to use December as a month to drop weight, but as a month to remain focused on my overall goal of a healthy lifestyle.

At the end of the month, I want to be satisfied with myself and the choices I made throughout the month. I don’t want to spend the month in a constant cycle of guilt and disgustingness (yes, that is a word).

I may have not fulfilled my resolution of reaching my goal weight but I have tried my best. And I’m still going to keep trying. As one of my favorite movies once quoted, “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game*.” I’m not going to let my fear or history of failing keep me from trying. Because one of these days, it’s all going to click.

*That would be A Cinderella Story. And yes, it’s one of my favorite movies. Don’t judge!

Project 365 {7 - 11}

 
{007/365; Sunday, December 4, 2011} Mom after finishing her fifth half-marathon

  
{008/365; Monday, December 5, 2011} Yes, this is what December looks like in Florida. This is a lot warmer than normal, but I’m loving the beach-like weather!

 
{009/365; Tuesday, December 6, 2011} Self-portrait day

 
{010/365; Wednesday, December 7, 2011} One of my favorite things, a soft salted pretzel

{011/365; Thursday, December 8, 2011} Love this boy

{001 - 006}

12 Changes in 2012

On Sunday, I sent out this tweet:

 

 

Which prompted Katherine to send me a DM, asking to gChat with me. I immediately accepted, knowing she would either be someone to vent to, or someone to give me advice. I needed both.

The chat? Prompted this:

As Katherine and I were talking about living a healthier lifestyle, she brought up an idea that had been floating through her head for a while now: making one big change a month to our lives for twelve months. At the end of the year, our lives will be drastically different but the process of getting there won’t be so harsh and tough. Little by little, we will chip away at those habits causing us to be less-than-satisfied with our lives to bring about amazing change and transformation.

At first, we thought it would be fun to have twelve people participate. Twelve people. Twelve changes. In 2012. But as we got the word out on Twitter, we found out a whole hell of a lot more than twelve people were interested. At last count, we had 36 (!!) people interested in joining us. Katherine sent out an e-mail about the challenge on Monday morning. There will be a website where we can share our twelve things and a place for us to find community and support. Making changes to your everyday habits and life is hard but I’ve found it to be so much more motivating when there are people behind you, giving you support and offering advice.

If you want to be added to the participant list, let me know! If you leave me a comment or tweet or email, I’ll make sure to forward on the email Katherine sent to give you more information on what this will all entail. I think this is exactly what I need to make 2012 the year I finally stop living a half-life.

I also wanted to take this time to write down my (tentative) twelve changes I want to make in the coming year. I’m sure as the year goes on, this list will change but here’s a rough idea of my “12 Changes in 2012”:

• January: Get off my addiction to soda, drinking no more than two a week
• February: Eat a healthy, filling breakfast every day
• March: Stop snacking on junk and instead find healthier, more filling options
• April: Have a normal bedtime routine, starting around 9:00pm
• May: Spend the first 10 minutes of my day journaling
• June: Have a “no spend” month, using this to catch up on all credit card and medical bills
• July: Stop the negative self-talk.
• August: Establish a “chore chart” and stick to it weekly
• September: Be more present in my everyday life
• October: Write fiction for at least 15 minutes a day
• November: Have a daily quiet time with God
• December: Take action and control over my anxiety

The biggest thing I want to focus on in 2012 is my health so many of my goals are specifically related to this, but “12 Changes in 2012” is about more than just health and fitness goals. It is about focusing in on areas of your life you are not happy with. Discovering the change you want to see happen in 2012 to make for a more happier you. Change is hard and scary and messy, but it is also wonderful and exciting and fulfilling. I know the changes I have listed above will not be easy. Some of them are a bit scary but I know as I look at my life now, I’m not happy with the way I’m living it. And as terrifying as some of these goals are, I know they will bring about needed and necessary change I need to feel more fulfilled in my life.

Are you taking the plunge and joining us for “12 Changes in 2012?” If you haven’t contacted Katherine or me about it yet and want to learn more, please don’t hesitate to send out a tweet to either of us! We’re excited about the venture and can’t wait to see the change that happens in all of our lives!

Ten on Tuesday (Vol. 43)

1. What are 3 things that are on your Christmas wishlist?

I posted about my Christmas wish list last week but one item I desperately want to receive this year (that I forgot to list!) is a new comforter set. I have my eyes on this set from Target. I currently have one from IKEA but the comforter is way too big for my full-size bed. Also, my dog isn’t a fan of the comforter. I’m not even kidding. He has protested the change until I finally brought my old comforter up on our bed for him to sleep in. No, he’s not spoiled at all.

Talk about going off on a tangent! OK. Three things on my wish list: a new comforter set, a new cover for my Kindle, and new workout clothes from Target.

2. What’s your favorite Christmas song?

I’m torn between “Little Drummer Boy” by Jars of Clay and “Go Tell It On the Mountain” by Needtobreathe. Two of my favorite bands with beautiful renditions to both songs.

3. Do you have a favorite band or singer that sings it especially awesome?

Whoops. See above.

4. Have you heard about the website Goodreads?

Yes, I most definitely have! It’s one of my favorite sites. I use it constantly to look for new books to read, rate and review books I’m reading, and keep up with #twookclub! We use a Goodreads group to suggest books to read, vote on the next book to read, and just chat about general things. I’m debating whether or not to put up a discussion about the book pick of the month for others to discuss the book in further detail (especially for those who can’t make the monthly chat!). But yes, know of and love Goodreads. If you consider yourself a bookworm, you need to be using this site!

5. What are 3 books you want to read?

• Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff, because I’m obsessed with his blog
• The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel, because the tagline reads “Believing in God but Living As If He Doesn’t Exist” which is basically the way I’ve been living my faith over the past year
• Divergent by Veronica Roth, because of the rave reviews it is getting from everyone

6. Do you hunt deer?

No, I don’t.

7. Have you started Christmas shopping? Are you completely finished?

I have started. I am finished shopping for my brother and my boss. I’m still drawing a blank as to what to get my sister-in-law. I’ve bought my nephew a shirt, but have a few other items to purchase for him. And I haven’t even started on my mom which is always a big process for me. (I like to spoil her since she never was spoiled when she was married to my dad - nor in the years that followed, as a single mom to teenagers.) But I love Christmas shopping so, so much that it doesn’t bother me at all. Not the rush, not the lines, not the busyness. I love it all.

8. Did you shop on Black Friday? What was the best deal you got?

I have never shopped on Black Friday but I think I will one year. Just for the experience. And only for something silly, like a Belgian waffle maker. Because who doesn’t need one of those?!

9. What’s one holiday tradition that your family has?

I think our biggest tradition is waiting until Christmas Day to open presents and stockings. I couldn’t imagine opening presents on Christmas Eve and it’s such a fun, special memory. (Especially staying up late with my brother when we were younger. We always tried so hard to stay awake!) We were finally allowed to get up at 6am, open our stockings, and then wake our parents up to open the present haul. Now, with my brother out of the house, it’s a little more calm. I’m able to sleep through the night (although it’s still a little hard! I’m a five-year-old on Christmas Eve, still!) and my mom and I wake around 7:30-8:00 to open our stockings/presents before waiting for my brother and his family to come over.

10. How many blogs do you read? Do you subscribe/unsubscribe often or do you purge every once in a while?

I follow 84 blogs in Google Reader, but they are all in their own folders so I make sure I read the blogs that I love the most first. I use the “mark all as read” button more than I would like but it’s impossible to keep up with them all. About once a month, I’ll add a few new blogs to my Reader, as well as purging blogs I’m either skimming or not reading at all.

Tell me: What is one holiday tradition your family has?

*Questions found here

NaNoWriMo 2011: Lessons Learned

source

I’ve attempted NaNoWriMo twice.

The first time was in 2009 and I was in the midst of finals and papers and trying to work a part-time job all at the same time. I made it two days.

The second time was last month. I’m done with school and I knew now was the best time to do it. This year, I made it farther. The first day I wrote 2,000 words but on day two, I decided I wasn’t feeling the story so I switched it. This caused me to fall behind and I never fully caught up. I stopped after ten days.

Two attempts. Two failures, if you want to look at it that way. But I’m choosing to look at NaNoWriMo 2011 as a learning experience. I learned a lot about my writing style, the environment I need to be in to write, and what it will take for me to finish a novel.

Lessons Learned While Attempting NaNoWriMo 2011

1. I have to write fiction daily. Even if it’s just for 10 minutes, writing daily is key. And not just writing anything. I could check-mark my blog posts as my writing for the day but that’s cheating. As much as I love writing for my blog, I also need to hone my fiction writing. I need to set time aside – be it in the early morning or late at night – to give my 100% focus to my story. One thing about NaNoWriMo is that you have to write an average of 1,667 words a day to meet the goal. This means writing every single day or having to catch up on days you miss. It gets you in the habit of writing daily. I’ve fallen a little off the writing every day wagon, but I’ve been doing better the past few days and excited about writing again.

2. I love character-driven romances. I spent most of October shuffling through my memory bank of story ideas, switching through mysteries and YA lit and chick-lit. Through romances and historical novels. To be quite honest and blunt, I don’t much care about writing the next best-seller. Would it be lovely for my novels to have the kind of staying power as the Harry Potter series? Yes, definitely. But I’m not certain that’s my path to take. I find my place in character-driven romances, about people who lead small lives and where love is the centerpiece. I’m not talking about creating fluffy main characters who think they need a man to be happy. Not one bit. That’s not how I live my own life so there’s no way I could write about that. Instead, I want to write about women finding their own path in life, finding their own happiness, and who open their heart and minds to love and romance. That’s the kind of book I want to write.

3. I need a silent, organized workspace in order to write. This wasn’t a big revelation for me, as I preferred silence when studying when I was in college. For the most part, I prefer it more often than not. Sometimes, I like to have the TV on when I clean, but I generally prefer a quiet home when I’m trying to keep my focus. My attention strays too much to the television or the lyrics of the song if I have music on than on what I need to be doing at that moment. Along with silence, comes a clean space. I think most people work better without clutter and it really gives me a fresh, open mind when my environment is organized and neat.

4. Don’t worry so much about quality. Worry more about getting the words down. NaNoWriMo is about quantity, not quality. It’s about the process of writing and not worrying so much about how perfect it is. I want to bring that process into my writing now because I can get bogged down on making sure dialogue flows right or a scene sounds perfect that I miss out on the actual writing of my novel. I want to focus more on putting words down on paper and less on perfection. The editing process is there to smooth out any kinks and delete scenes that don’t work right but I think, for now, I just need to write for quantity.

5. I have a desire and passion for writing. I know the road to being a published author is long and arduous. And it may not ever lead to a place where I can fully sustain myself on my writing. But there’s this thing about having a passion: you will do whatever it takes to fulfill that passion. You will lose sleep, food, and money to chase after your dream. And those people who think you are crazy and insane? They don’t know the sweet fulfillment that comes from being in the midst of chasing - or realizing - their passions.

Did you participate in NaNoWriMo this year? If so, did you finish? What is your biggest passion in life?